Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy & everyone

It good to hear from you.

That's good news about getting the x-ray & MRI done tomorrow. May I suggest, if you can, start early so if you need a break while driving, you can pull over & take a break, & still make your appointment. 

Yeah,I wish the things like x-rays & other scans could be done the same day, preferably right next door to the GP!

Despite the pain in your shoulder, I'm sure you felt better for going to work, & talking to customers would have been enjoyable. I also imagine it was very tiring.

After so long without a shower, being fresh & clean would have felt wonderful. I'm grateful to your neighbour, Mrs NSC for doing your hair. Did you have a good chat while she did it? 

& Grandy, I don't ever intend to hurt you, not in the slightest, so when I have, I am sorry.

Gentlest of hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

You are probably very tired tonight after having all those tests today... just popping by with a hot chocolate & a cuddly dragon (who pwomises not to breathe smoke) for you to settle off to sleep with...

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Dear Grandy

I've been thinking of you today, hoping all has gone well. & now, you wait for the results. I'm sure it was tiring, but , for now, take a rest, sleep as you can, & enjoy the non-smoking dragon. (What a great idea, Paws - a non-smoking dragon -  I like it!)

Gentle hugzies,

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff and every lovely here and reading 🙂

Grandy love I'm so sorry, I've been trying to get back to you so often in the past week particularly absolute truth.
If thoughts were posts the sight would crash.

I was going to explain why but sounds like excuses (genuine reasons tho) & eating the character count. MH slowing it all down too.
It may not seem the case hun, I meant what I said that I'd never leave you, couldn't!
 
Ah darl if not now you'll soon have the blood results which I imagine would be a relief knowing for sure what's going on. Then if needed they can start treatment. As if you don't have enough on your plate dear soul ((hugs))

You're brave taking on driving in that pain you're in. I feel safe in the knowledge for you that you'd be able to manage although no doubt the pain would have been tremendous being as you said a manual car and the anxiety being around people. Huge day eh sweetyheart. Lets hope the cause of that wicked pain can be sorted sooner than later to at least have some relief from that. They can do so much these days.

Wow and you went to work too good on you. You've come a long way with your mh hun, we all know how the head pull us down without some form of distraction and purpose to work towards.

Something comforting to leave you with is YAY we're moving out of ick ick summer into y/our favourite season Autumn.
It's starting to get a tad cooler here now which is lovely.

Always Grandy love thoughts love and care PubAok (please you be Always ok).
Love stays in the heart dear friend.

Hi back lovely Pawsy, Kitty Croixy and everyone out there, hope your days are good 🙂

[demonblaster]

Hey there bbff Grandy love and other lovely ones 🙂

Just to remind you you're always in my thoughts darlin ‌‌
Ditto for several people here. Hoping there's some goods too

Grandz no pressure to reply hun. Wondering if you have results from your tests. Geez hope it's all fixable sooner than later. Hard yards with pain esp that strong. Really feel for you
Take things nice and slow lovey. You probs have little choice. If there's things that can wait my advice is to let it.

I know you've been struggling with mh too. Dear Grandy you ok hun? wishing luck it won't be too far off now to be sorted out.
Hold on sweetyheart we're with you

Was quite busy last night.. I..ok then I had some help from my small team of 324.5 (half pint cutey) wee pixies growing some flowers for you that Deendy ‌‌ kindly wants to deliver personally.

Amidst the little striking Blue bells, love their shape & size, there's some nice shades of Green & Purple.
If you look really closely you'll see tiny crimson Red flecks on only one petal on each bell.

On that multi coloured one If you very gently with your 3rd toe nail scrape one of the tiny Golden sparkles that releases a mind altering feel good scent, that with a deep breath in transports you to a pain free blissful field of the most beautiful array of colourful flowers all shapes and sizes.

After you pick your chosen ones you could pop them in your chocolate vase that has your yummo belated but OH SO GOOD Easter bunny inside. Umm... Uh oh...looks like just the wrappings left...sowwy ‌‌....we'll have to settle for the tea pot spout for a vase.

Darlin I was going to catch a lift with Deendy to yours but with the big load and furs she couldn't carry me too...so I'll probs be a little later...on foot ... might need my bestest ‌‌for repairs including my broom! 

Love you very much dear friendalways. So worried about you. PubAok ‌‌ ‌‌‌‌

[Ggrand]

Hello mmMeKitty, Paws,Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,  and everyone,

Sorry I’ve not replied sooner…Thank you so much for your posts.

I see the Orthopaedic Surgeon on Wednesday of next week to see what course of actions are going to be taken to get my shoulders and arms into some kind of normality…Gosh it’s taken so long to get this appointment….almost 4 months of this ongoing pain….It’s gotten that way, that I’m stressing every night before going to bed, knowing I’ll be waking with every move I do in my sleep and in the morning I’m not even able to sit up in bed without the searing pain shooting through my shoulders and arms… getting dressed is another painful hurdle,  I only do if I need to go to work…The pain does ease a little through the day but I have very limited movement….Then it’s full on again once I’m in bed….I have had thoughts of taking extra meds to keep me asleep forever, but I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t go down that road again….Keeping my hope alive that soon this pain will be fixed or managed for me…

Love the smokeless Dragon Paws, if they existed they would be one of my favourite animals…Deebi, oh Thank you for reviving Deendy and the flowers are beautiful, blue bells are beautiful…I will read again you post before bed, it is so peaceful and grounding…thank you so much…Love is never ending when it’s held in our heart…as you are in my heart..🍀🐣💙🤗🦋🌹…

A couple of satchels came in today at work, I knew they were filled with dried flowers and seeds, but for some reason unknown to me I decided to take a big sniff of them, to see what they were…it was lavender….big mistake because I started sneezing for the next 10 minutes😂😂😂…

Betty* is driving me to work and the shops after work because I can’t drive my car anymore, being a manual…I so much appreciate her helping me….I feel so lost loosing that piece of my independence….and such an awkward burden when I need to rely on people…it’s just not me..

I really hope that everyone is having good days…sending you all my love, care and hugs ❤️🦋🤗…

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy

My apologies taking so long to respond to your post of last Tuesday.

It has indeed been a long time with the pain, & waiting for appointments, then treatment. I feel really frustrated not being able to help you get more care sooner. Please don't try to hide or minimise what you are experiencing daily with this pain & how it has effected your life, your feelings too. Do this for your good self, (yes you are a good person). It's what you need to do to look after yourself, to remain independent & to work. to look after your furbabies, to be there for your grandkids..,. & your friend Betty* (she is a star, eh?) such a good friend, Grandy, I reckon she sees what she does in driving you to work as helping you to continue to be at the work you enjoy.

There may be a day when she needs some help, too. Personally, I think you being her friend would be the best way to show your gratitude.

I don't think there is a single person entirely independent, so totally self-reliant thatthey need nobody in their lives, directly or indirectly. Good communities are built on people sharing & caring for all members.

If you deny what you need, at the very least, you will be hurting yourself.

Hugzies, & all the best for Wednesday.

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, 

Just popping by to say Woofa & I will be sitting with you in spirit at your appointment today

Biggest of gentle hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…..🤗..

Thank you all for your caring posts, it’s Wednesday now, a very early morning Wednesday, not being able to sleep is getting me really down along with the constant pain of movement…even typing with one finger hurts, amazing how much movement is connected to our shoulders…..I think in my head, I’ve been thinking today the pain will go away, wishful thinking though, at least waiting for today, counting down the weeks, then days and now hours..is something that has kept me going….

I hate so much the feeling of being useless, but that’s how I’ve been feeling these past few months, I want to do so much, clean my house, be able to sweep or vacuum, dust my little treasures, help the girls more at work, drive my car…now that’s a biggy, driving…having to rely on someone to drive me to work…and today, driving me over 90 kilometres each way to the hospital, then probably sitting all day with me there, then back again…is really hard and it makes me feel…guilty, useless, idk, just makes me feel not good at all…

Been crying most of tonight, from physical pain and mental pain…it’s just getting to much, knowing,  when I go to bed…I will wake unable to sit up in bed, because my shoulders and arms will only move a very small bit before that burning hot poker pain starts spreading along them…tears of frustration every morning…depression throughout the day…and trying to not think on s/i thoughts running through my head….fear of going to bed each night…I keep telling myself that others have had this and they were fixed well enough to go through life without this pain…thats the hope I’m holding onto now…but, my inner strength is failing me…

Sorry, for such a downer of a post…I need to get my fighting spirit back…maybe after today’s appointment it will resurface…I need some kind of good news about possible treatment and management of my shoulders/arms today…

Kind thoughts dear friends…

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy

I'm hoping too, that some relief can be given to you today. This sounds so dreadfully miserable & this is a time when we find out just how strong & determined we are.

I know for sure, you have been determined to be independant, with good reason too, no doubt about that. I've felt the same, wanting to do for myself, relying on no particular people in my life for anything. It's frightful to need anyone, to allow myself to be seen as needy too, & then to let someme care for me - ever unsure if I can really trust them to not harm me. That's the hardest thing to do & takes a lot of courage.

When I have I have been rewarded. Maybe not every time, but enough to believe it is possible more people are going to treat me well than not.

You deserv the care you will be given.

Ask for your friend who is driving, to also take notes about everything you are told today, because I know from my own experience, how, with everything you are feeling, mentally & phhysically, it's not easy to concentrate & take in what is happening & what is said. I have forgotten a lot, so was very glad to have my support worker taking notes.

I hope you read this before you go to the hospital, because I want you to know you are in my heart today. A bunch of us here feel the same way I do & are thinking of you today.

Hugzies

mmMekitty