Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (waves to everyone)

How good you are growing cherry tomatoes, I do love them! They must be lovely and sweet if they are home grown.

How are you keeping in this new year? Are you managing OK without the company of the ladies in the store? Has your neighbour calmed down now, I do hope so!!!

Little Sam and I have been loving the cooler weather but i'm afraid we are in for some heat soon... what I would give for air conditioning! Both Sam and I love the cooler weather, not the heat.

Do you talk to your children much Grandy? Have you been to have another cuppa with your neighbour? Are there any other friendly neighbours there where you are, or do they keep to themselves? How are your furs?

Just wanted to send you fluffy hugs from little Sam oxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna and everyone....

Thank you for your posts and talking with me..

Deebi..Um like your renovation work you done on our 💼..I think I’ll leave the skylight in..it might save us on our power bills.😂..I hope your heads okay...I can get a needle and fishing line and stitch it if you want me too....🗡&💈..hmm colourful cotton...

I love what you found in our bag..you have a good eye..and know me so well...After I mowed my lawn today..Betty rang me and asked me down for a cuppa tea..we chatted a bit, which was nice..

Hanna...I’m doing okay..I mowed my lawn today..🥵..always good for distraction..Cherry tomatoes are the best..They grow on a bush..and there are so many green ones...I usually give a lot away to Betty and Mrs NSC..Who has settled down.,,I threw some salad scraps over her fence into the chicken yard..didn’t know she was there..she yelled out thank you..and we chatted for 5 minutes..I think she is back to being Not so Cranky..Gee I hope so...I take her as she is....Everyone keeps to them selves here.,which I prefer..

I miss the shop a lot..It was a reason to get out...No, I don’t talk to my children much..My youngest will msg daily..my eldest owns his own business and works mostly...plus he has 5 children and is a very hands on father..

Deebi...I’m not down as in depressed..just this strange feeling of not being with me..melancholy?...dissociating from me...I don’t know.... I feel quiet dreamy, like I’m living in a dream...Strangely peaceful but also not that peaceful feeling as we know it....🕊🌱...I cant work it out or understand this feeling.☺️.

I hope everyone had a good day..

It started out cold here today, and remained that way😂..I have my winters dressing gown on now..and feel comfortable warm...strange weather?..

Deep love and care for you dearest bbff ..💚💼🕊🌱🌹💼..and warm bear hugs.🐻🤗.

My love, care and hugs, Hanna and everyone...💚🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Grandy

I wanted to pop by and give you a big hug. You were lovely offering advice and support on my thread when I wasn't feeling ok. I feel more like myself again today.

The feeling you're describing - have you had it before? Is it worrying you or is it just something you're noticing? I often feel a bit dreamy and out of it after I have a bad episode, but it only lasts for perhaps a day. I hope it clears soon if it's worrying you at all.

Lovely to think of you snuggly in your dressing gown. I'm in WA, and we have really lovely weather here mostly, but it stayed hot overnight and my poor doggy was puffing on the bed. I put a pillow case in the freezer for awhile and then draped it over her with the fan going and I think she managed to sleep ok.

Thanks again for posting on my thread. It's nice to have support during our lows, even if all we can do is read them. Hugs, Katy x

[Ggrand]

Hi Katy and everyone...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Waves..

Thanks for calling in....Yes I have felt this way before..but not for years..I remember after being abused, I would feel this feeling of tremendous relief because it was over..then this feeling came over me..like I have now...I think it’s a way of my brain protecting me from what happened...Idk..

Its not a bad feeling...just a dreamy kind of feeling...Like I’m outside of my chatty brain😁..

I am super pleased to hear that your feeling more like yourself today...Thank you for the hug..It’s hard trying to keep our fur babies cool in summer...I know mine are too hot when they sprawl out on their bellies on my floors...or sit in front of the fan..

Hoping everyone’s day today is a pleasant one..with some smiles or laughter..

Love n hugs everyone...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

Isn't this strange weather - getting hot now but chilly enough the last few days to put on a woollen cardigan for me, a winter dressing gown for you - I love it cool.. some of the trees here are changing into their autumn colours which shows how confused everything is!

I love the way you nickname your neighbour Mrs NSC! What a great name! I'm glad she was nicer and asked you in for a cuppa, perhaps she feels a bit embarrassed now do you think? I am sorry you're missing your store friends - I wonder if something else might come up for you this year, you never know...

It sounds like you might be daydreaming or dissociating a little after that episode with your neighbour so you have time to recover - how good your mind knows to do that and give itself a rest!

It was a bit too warm here this afternoon, went to the town park but Sam really just wanted to lie on the cool grass in the shade.

I chatted to a couple of old friends today on the phone, sometimes just having a phone chat is helpful with loneliness... it's nice to hear voices instead of typeface like here...

Now I am off to have some dinner, Sam had a hard boiled egg with his dinner tonight he loves that and it's good for his coat, makes it shiny.

I think sitting on your verandah sounds nice. Sometimes i sit out on my little front porch and practice my music, it's restful when I can look at the hills in the distance which are so pretty...

I often pop by and see how you are dear lady.. and Deebi - I've managed to slip a disc in my back so I can't stay on too long at a time as I have to sit here to type on the laptop.. anyway we're OK here and sending you fluffy soft hugs from little Sam, hugs

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Your crepe myrtle sounds lovely. The bees must love it. Does it attract birds as well?

I have done the 'left my purse at home' & the 'left my scripts at home'... it wasn't really a problem when I lived in the city only 5 minutes from the shops... unfortunately like you I have done it here where the km's are a lot more... I try to look on the bright side... at least I have realised before driving the full 55kms to the big town.

I'm envious at you being rugged up in your winter dressing gown... could you please send some of that cool weather down here... please.. pretty please... I just let Woofa out to puddle & my thermometer on my back verandah is showing 34 in the shade... yuk! He didn't stay out long & is now back in front of the cooling.

Sorry I had to chuckle at you flooding your house... though I did it a couple of times at my old place.. touch wood I haven't done it here... maybe that should be.. haven't done it yet. Did your furs want to splash about in it? Last time I flooded my place I had to shut Woofa in the lounge to stop him "helping" as I tried to mop it up. He hates walking on wet grass & getting his paws wet... yet he splashed about on the flooded floors happy as... grrr.

I hope you are feeling brighter today... remember that sitting on your verandah & soaking up the medicine nature shares can help.. or lass you could go & give your gum tree a hug... feel it's strength... it's branches reaching for the stars... it's roots pushing deep down holding it snugly in the earth... feel the way it nurtures the creatures who depend on it... the way it simply is..

Here are some gentle hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Hanna, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and all....

Thank you for your nice posts, I do really appreciate them...

The charity shop I used to work for opened yesterday after the Christmas break...”Betty” rang me and said my ex boss wants to talk to me...today..

I rang my mh Supporter because I didn’t know what I should do...She said if I felt up to it she will meet me outside of the shop...which she did...I went into his office on my own...He asked me if I want to come back...I said if you want me too...That went unanswered..So he repeated himself and I said yes..He said okay as long as I follow his rules about throwing things out..if he says throw it..then I have to throw it....now how sad is that when he could give them away to people who need them...I said okay..So I will be going back next Tuesday...No apology or anything in his eyes I was wrong to question him as he is the boss....I am very reluctant to go back...because I felt small and unvalued today....but I had to say yes didn’t I..because they can’t get volunteers to work their...Its not because he wanted me specifically...easier for them because I don’t have to do all the checks again...and wait 6 weeks before I start..

Hopefully like last year he won’t come into the shop that much...then I will feel more comfortable being their...I am doing this for me..not him..not the shop..but me...without me going their once a week..I don’t go out anywhere for weeks or talk to anyone except Betty...

Oh Paws..my furs seeing that I was too busy to watch them...made a bee line to behind the lounge..well I though that’s where they went...but I soon discovered that they thought it would be a great time to play hide n seek, thinking they were getting out of having a bath...They dislike getting in..but once in the bubbly water they have fun....😂.

I hope your all keeping as cool as you can do...and are having a good day today...

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..yadimh...with much love and care..💚🦋🤗

My love and hugs to everyone..💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌹..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I only have a few minutes as i have to go to the hairdressers, but that is great news you definitely should go back! As you said, he isn't there that often and you will have the company of the other ladies which you very much need and you've been lonely without it. Never mind him or why they need you back, just go, this is something you are doing for yourself. Yay I am so pleased for you!!!! hugs.

[demonblaster]

Hi dear friend Bbff and everyone 👋

Oh Grandy I didn't realise I hadnt spoken here for so many days I'm so sorry beautiful geesh.
You know you're in my thoughts so often daily don't you my lovely one.

Funny you mentioned to me about grounding because I was thinking your grounding box might help you get back into the now and yourself.
How are you darlin? I've been wondering a lot 🤗

You've come such a long way with your MH for many reasons huns.
One is a couple of years ago you would have been so much worse with the shop and Mrs nsc as wells carryings on.
I love that you weren't depressed as such.

I don't see harm in disassociating it's survival but I guess psychs would say differently.
I know it's being away from the problem but the minds protecting needing to recover from the pain first.
You'll have plenty to talk to Gold VC soon. So glad you have her Floss

My heart went out to you as it does and particularly the tremendous relief when it was all over. You poor love no one should go through that treatment you dear lady. So wrong!
You're safe now beautiful love 💜

Haha love hearing y/our gorgeous furs carryons they're so cute.
Oh gorgeous memory just thought about you putting a bubble on their noses from your bath and they run around the place. Love em.

Beautiful please do whats good for you.
I hope this doesn't confuse you but I'm happy but not, about you going back to work.

HE was wrong how he spoke down to you. No apology.
HE didn't say he wanted you back!
HE IS wrong! throwing stuff out.
HE forced you to be ok with something you're rightfully opposing. (Him throwing stuff)
They can't get volunteers.
He's using you imo.
I think I'd in those circumstances say no and tell Betty why.
He deeply hurt you Grandy.
I'm happy that you'll see your friends tho.
Saying how I see it lovey.
I reckon let him sweat!
Are you able to get their (friends) numbers and have a cuppa at times maybe

Glad Mrs nsc settled.
Must have given you a start when you threw the chook goods over but at least now you have the veranda freedom.

😅 Yes that'd be lovely if you could stitch my head. Loven the coloured cotton. Trendy wound.
Oh good leaving the skylight I thought it'd be practical 😆

Always yAdimh pubAok lysvm honeyheart

Oh liking your game.,joined a team,Geesh they don't chat much, Someone nice said hi & asked for lives. They just kept talking amongst eachother pfftt. No helping with lives.

Hannah hope you're ok ouch bad.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🤝👀🗯😚

[Hanna3]

Hi again Grandy,

I guess I have different thoughts to dear Deebi here! Remember, you have to do what you think is best for you as Deebi says, but a few thoughts..

I know you felt slightly cornered and I know this man makes you feel uncomfortable, but you like the company of the other women, what is this year going to be like for you if you don't go back and you are sitting alone and lonely all week every week?

I have a friend older than me, where I used to live - since I left she has not gone out anywhere and she is slipping mentally and physically - she just stays home alone and lonely. It's miserable and not good for her MH or physical health. I think you should have one day a week where you have company to talk to, it's important! My life here has changed since I have a music lesson and someone nice to talk to every week! You need that too, we all do. A once-in-a-blue-moon cuppa isn't enough dear lady. We're alone, we need human company.

Also, I have worked for men bosses a lot of my life - Grandy men don't like to lose face and especially in front of women. It's a guy thing! He must have found it difficult to ask you back, he's already lost face doing that - don't expect him to apologize he won't do that. Just shrug it off, think great you can have company again with the women, do what he says and don't say much when he does come around - and remember you are going back because you need the company and you are doing it for you - and yes, you're helping the charity which is also important.

Again, you know we will stand by you no matter what you decide. These are just my personal opinions. You do whatever you feel is the best thing for you, not anybody else!

Hugs oxoxox