Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear DB,

I agree DB, I am extremely lucky I have an amazing support team helping,guiding,encouraging, and caring for me, Every single one of these people have helped me so much, to which I am so grateful for, I don't think they realise just how much they are doing for me and others. I was down to that worse of the worse places a few times, and was pulled up They all deserve high recognition as with all the volunteers here. Just saying thank you doesn't seem enough, my life has been saved, and I mean that, a few times by the volunteers here.

The champions wow, they write with knowledge and compassion, and seem to know what to say to bring comfort.

I had a look at that fb picture, powerful yeah.

DB ...you will pull up,hun, your determination is so strong, you got this, I think determination comes before hope and belief, without determination,you won't be determined to find hope & without hope it hard to believe. Yes enough is enough, I agree, I feel the same way. Awe yes crying is so exhausting, makes the head hurt, eyes burn, but I think if we don't cry it makes it worse, if I hold back the tears which I do if I'm not alone, my cage begins to close in on me makes [it] stronger, so DB cry away and release the stress. Venting is good DB, vent away, I do it quite a lot.

Im so tired I'm so tempted to....but I will give it more time, music, meditation, tough talk, nope nothing's working, maybe trying to hard to fight [it].

Youve got this,you will and can do this.

Take GOOD CARE of yourselves EVERYONE.

kind thoughts,

GG.🌈🦋💐

[demonblaster]

Thanks Darling Grandy, sorry I know this is your place but just needed a vent.

Yeah No: 2 stuff up this week, AGAIN desparately like you needing sleep when I can get it and missed out by dahhh moments, today bussed, long day but great cause g.friend driver & chat to people, know some through living here & bussing etc but other MRI wasn't today lol, so thought ok no stress, go and do medicare, NAH didn't have em on me, all good killed time till chookys break.

What I do lovey is take sleep when I can in these times like you're at, relaxes bod & cause of exhaustion sometimes we don't sleep as you know anyway, but your call.
Doc said the body can only take so much before it HAS to sleep, amazing how long we can go aye, you get desperate for it.

We know you're very grateful but do know what you mean, thankyou seems not enough but coming from your heart.

I think belief first then the rest but not to say I'm right that is 🙂

Yeah don't think holding it in's healthy, some can do it and manage but for most nah

Dunno lovey if we don't fight or challenge it it continues to have its way, different views on that so one might suit you better xx

Strength not self medicating for sleep, guessing you don't wanna say what, which is cool

ABSOLUTELY magic post to PEPS on other thread Grandy, SUPERB, heart glowed reading that. WELL DONE lady.

Rate ya xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi GG,

I don’t know your story very well but I just wanted to visit to say thank you for all your support and kindness. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

There is a beautiful sensitivity and gentleness in you that I, and many others, value immensely 🙂

I think many people don’t realise how gentleness can be very powerful. It’s a subtle kind of power but powerful nontheless...it’s a good thing 🙂

Thanks again...

Your sleep deprivation sounds horrendous. How I admire your resolve to continue fighting your demons...

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Pepper,

Thank you heaps for dropping by, I appreciate it so much, and thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.

My life is like a horror story, I live it daily. Your kindness and everyone here keeps me going, I don't like being here, because the pain of flashbacks, memories of what I went through eats at me daily, I was to weak to stand up for myself and my sons. I could have walked but, no I'm just, well I could beat myself up, but out of respect to you and others who's helping me here I won't. I feel like I shouldn't be here, don't deserve to be here, but I am still here for now.

Awe Pepper your kind word make me cry, because I know you mean what you say..

Yes heading for 48 hours now, no sleep....it's my mind, since Thursday when I disclosed a part of my life to physiatrist, out of anger.. It's opened up a lot of pain and trauma and now closing my eyes, I'm reliving it..

sleep will eventually come, then I hope it's a dreamless sleep.

Take care my special Pepper,

kind thoughts and peace for you.

GG🌈❤️🌈❤️

[Ggrand]

Hello, everyone,

where is mr sandman, sick of laying here, music going, meditation as well, winds howling outside, my dogs look peaceful at sleep, where is mine, Wish my mind would quiet down.. oh come on [it] shut down for a while Please... I think a bottle of wine will have to be opened very soon.... I'm getting extremely agitated. 2.22am, it's been a long time since I found sleep.

No rainbows or butterflies I don't like them atm...

🤗🤗 GG.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi GG,

I hear your frustration and pain...it reads loud and clear.

You must have been feeling so on edge and unsettled. If only your mind would settle and find some peace. A lack of sleep can really affect one’s thinking and mental health. I feel for you, GG. I really do...

Reassuring hugs and empathy,

Pepper xoxo

[Moonstruck]

I feel for you Ggrand....I really do. I know exactly what those nights are like when sleep won't come....

"oh Sleep....steal me awhile from mine own company"....(even Shakespeare had trouble sleeping sometimes)

Will your GP give you some meds to help? I cannot function without sleep - I take something to help. I used to drink a lot. I can't any more due to the damage done to my body- so my beloved alcohol is out! I still miss it.

I want to add my hugs and empathy to Pepper's. You are not alone. xxx

[Ggrand]

Hi Pepper,

I got out my bottle of wine, then looking at it, burst into tears, bad memories, (I was forced to drink wine before) so wasn't good last night, anyway my tears led me to a couple of hours sleep, so today I'm not so aggravated. just sore eyes. A little sleep is better then none.

Today I need to try, to quietening down my mind. Going back to other thread to read DB postings a couple of them but mainly the one about positive & negative thoughts and not dwelling but let them pass through our thoughts. I remember what DB said but reading them again seems to help.

Tuesday night I calmed myself so good with a candle and music, slept good, since then nothing, ? hidden memories brought to the surface? Not thinking about this.

Ok I'm ok , but Peps, you concern me, I read your posts and feel your deep pain, I know how your feeling.

I wish that you could see what I can see in you,

I want to talk to you if that's ok, but atm my mind is not quiet enough, I will bbl maybe on your thread if that's ok, please be kind to yourself as you are a kind soul, and person.

I hope your day is peaceful, look after yourself, others need you, you need you as well.

peaceful thoughts

GG🌈🦋🌈🦋💐.

[quirkywords]

GG

I am glad you have a plan to quieten your mind.

It is interesting how different people think of sleep. Some people say they had a bad night's sleep because they woke up once. I say I had a good night's sleep if I wake up 6 times and manage not to stay awake for more than 2 hrs at once, and if I get a few hours sleep that is good!

I like the idea of using a candle and music to calm me.

Your compassion shows in your concern for others here.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi Grandy

Re: Quirky's words "Your compassion shows in your concern for others here."

Sure does. In fact some compassion or even a sign of interest in others is pure gold to me.

I think one of the problems with chronic worriers is that if you cant sleep you then worry that you aren't sleeping, then worry that you worry.... it isn't logical but when emotion takes over logic it is a worry!!

Topic: when emotion takes over logic- beyondblue

Why worry about not sleeping? Well the reasons for having good sleep is if we have to go to work and cant work the full day because we didn't sleep. Or attend appointments. Otherwise, we can keep going not sleeping until inevitably - we do. Because every human being has to sleep. All we are doing by not sleeping is delaying it and denying ourselves a pattern. So, in conclusion try not to worry about sleeping.

I have various sleep patterns. Some nights I can sleep at 11pm onwards. Most nights 2am onwards. If I go to bed at 11pm every night most nights I will get up before sleeping and do stuff because my mind is too active to sleep. It used to annoy me, not now, I feel the sign of wanting to sleep- I then sleep.

Diversion of thoughts as previously spoken about is essential IMO to you Grandy, in filling your life with various activities. You're mind in like a racing car it seems. Yes, great you have some voluntary work etc. But I found if I am depressed it is best to have 6-8 interests so that any boring moments can be filled. Some interests like this champs work is best done in the evening or wet weather, tinkering in my shed best in mild weather, gardening best when warm and my wife is free so we can do it together and so on, my political forum I'm on best when I can withstand abuse!!

I jut had lunch with my wife. We discussed what was on my mind. It was my youngest daughter 24yo. Last xmas was spoiled because of her bad attitude. It was bothering me that she could try the tantrums again. We spoke about it. Then I said to my wife, I'll go on the computer. And here I am. I haven't thought about her at all while writing this reply until now only because I'm using it as an example of how...

"moss doesn't grow on a rolling stone".

Tony WK