Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello WhiteKnight,

Your words calm me, thank you, you seem to have accepted yourself, know yourself, and can help yourself get through reasonable well on your down days, I am listening to you and taking notes, I have a feeling I am trying to hard fighting myself to stay on top all the time, I have been reading then trying everything I can to stay good, what works for one doesn't necessarily work for all, I think I would be correct in saying.

I'm sorry WH, if I put to much weight on your shoulders, or any one else's.. I was strong before when ex was alive, I think it was his behaviour towards me that kept me from thinking and feeling anything just numbness. Now that I'm on my own and these mh problems just exploded upon me all of a sudden, It frightened me of where it took me a few times. It's not fair on you. Again I'm sorry. Always been told what to do, me never having to make decisions, or think for myself isn't helping but I will get there. I will learn.

I will get a handle on this, taking in the coping tools I've learnt off you and others, then find the ones that work and be stubborn enough to make them work.

I have thought about home help, but I think I will not go that way, I will have to be able to sweep the floor, make the bed,wash up, dust etc, myself or else I will have to retire myself into nothingness. I can work out a way to do them, may take time but I will.

I understand that I have to think fully on what I'm doing at the time I'm doing it, not drift off anywhere. Somewhere inside of me I know I have my "fighter" because I want it to be okay. It will find me again.

Im happy for you that you bought a donut yourself I hope you really enjoyed it, sounds yummy, I could do with one now. the one with a jam centre are my favourites. . and did window shopping, well done.

Have a good night, 🌈🦋.

kind thoughts

GG.

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky and Doolhof,

You are both really both so kind and compassionate, Thank you for your kind word,

I answered Sadmonkey on other thread, love the rainbow story,

Your encouraging and kind words, helped me through today, I done all my visits and am tired but pleased they are over with for another week, Physiatrist eased off on me a bit today , which was good, I can agree with you dools these forums are amazing but not as amazing as volunteers like yourself and Quirkey, and all the other volunteers, I hope one day I can offer as much comfort and help to others as you are doing, oh dools, I find a lot of comfort in the forums and a lot of helpful advise.

I really like the sound of your shop Quirky, I used to read a lot when I could, took me to different places. Toys when toys come into Vinnies well let's just say I try them out a lot more then I should..I will get back up again as you both will,

Thank you both very much,

Hang onto hope and belief,

kind thoughts only,

GG🌈🦋🤗 🌈🦋🤗

[Doolhof]

Hi GG and All reading,

Such a lovely message you shared with us GG, thanks.

I volunteer in an Op Shop and have a great time with some of the goods that come in. I was feeling really low last week when I went in, so started a little fashion parade with all kinds of weird and wonderful outfits. We were in stitches of laughter. Some of the customers joined in as well.

The toys are wonderful aren't they! I ask some of the parents if I can talk to their children and play with the toys alongside their child. One boy and I were having so much fun, someone else had to serve at the counter for a while as I was too busy playing.

I too like the sound of Quirky's shop! Wish I had one!

Regarding assisting each other on the forums, GG we may never know how much our words help someone else. Even when we share the darkest thoughts, someone might then realise that what they are feeling themselves is familiar to someone else.

Sharing compassion with others, helps me to sprinkle a little of it on myself as well along the way. It is harder for me to beat myself up when I am cheering others on.

Hanging on to HOPE and BELIEF is important, thanks GG,

Cheers form Dools

[demonblaster]

Ahhh my dear Grandy, wow you've got an army of solid lovely people with you, testament to your worthiness & how lovable you are.Believe it lady

Soz hun thought i'd been here

So read your initial post & aim to as you do, slowly read through

Ok so got you on my threads so sorry wasnt here before but am elsewhere but here too now as you are for meHey all ☺

Gotta get earlier night Grandy hope cya tomoz sweet 🤗🤗 xx

Cyaz all 🖐

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

Sounds like you really enjoy enjoy your work, I would have loved to see your fashion show, I could imagine the antics and laughter. Now I know I'm not the only one that likes playing with children's toys, sounds a little like mindfulness while you were playing with the little boy, (living in the moment). Well done..

I work out back and do the sorting, this time of the year we get heaps of toys in, I love sorting them and play with them as well. (someone has to make sure they work)..I have been asked to work out front and serve, only did it a couple of times, the last time was when I gave a doll to a little girl..I'll leave it there, you probably read on other thread. Since then I won't work out front. Physiatrist tells me I need to so I can interact with people, but I just can't do it..

I read what you ,Quirky, Starts, DB, and most of the oldies writes to others esp newbies, you all write good advise, I have written a few posts to newbies but delete them. Not sure if I say the right things.

I think you are correct in saying that helping someone else adds a little more of liking yourself.

Dools thank you for letting me into your op shop, I enjoyed it.

kindness only, GG🌈🦋🤗🤗

[white knight]

Hi Grandy

I'm glad you are hanging around. I have a poem for you with a special message.

PINKY THE PIG

Pinky the pig began to cry

Pinky didn’t have a curly tail

Like the others in the sty

They laughed aloud the other piggies

While rolling in the dirt

They didn’t think for a moment

-the level of their hurt

Then one day the other piggies

Fell into deep mud- such stink!!

All of them were stuck

Except piggy pinky pink

Then with a smile

and a wagging straight tail

pinky pointed at them with glee

pinky pulled them all to safety

finally they were free

So legend has it that pinky was heroic

And the other piggies began to cry

They all wished they had a pointy tail

And were special in the sty…

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello WhitKnight,

Awe that's so nice WH, thank you.

My hair is so naturally curly like ringlets, very similar to Shirley temple.. WhiteKnight you seem to know when I need a lift. I enjoy reading your poems they are so meaniful and calming. I can read your struggles and triumphs in your poems.

Kindness only to a kind soul (WK).

GG.

[quirkywords]

GG

what a lovely poem by WK.

How are you today?

I saw the date on your post and it reminded me about a meeting I have today that I had forgotten! So thanks.

I am picturing your ringlets. M hair is more frizzy than curly as I get older, but I keep trying to get the curly back.

I think it is wonderful you do sort at Vinnies and it would be a great help.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz lovelies,
Read back a few so glad you have such a lovely support group here Grandy lady (( x )) you're so deserving of love and care & you've found it here, what an amazing place this is, rave to people, might have a couple more coming in future too. Too many people suffering aye, it's just so bloody wrong. Urghhhh gets my hackles up, hang on I'll just do a dehackle shake

True Dools it is a good feeling helping others isn't it or just being there for them
Something also that's helping me like myself is when someone says something nice which they do often, thinking about it...is it true, we need to be honest both ways with ourselves I've found to tame the beast.
And if people like us they do for reasons, not to say poor souls that are alone aren't likeable, most people DO have the goods, this insipid illness tells us different.

Grandy you said you delete a lot of stuff you say to support others, yeah it takes me an age often to do a post, frustrating, I too feel inadequate often, nowhere near the excellent standard of the champs, they're so wise and know what to say and how to. Admirable. Thankyou Champs, you have my respect, doesn't get given without attitude easily, not to say I don't appreciate goods in people but you all earn it.
I've read and liked (helpful thumbs up) many of your posts to others on BB and ignore beasty, they're Gold, so much compassion and care oozes out of you lovey. Believe it hun Truth.

Nice cheerful poem Knight 🙂

I saw on fb (F.book) as you were saying Dools I've found in life one sentence, one action can make a difference to someones life...

Was a picture of a gorgeous kitty looking in a puddle & seeing a Lion, ..... caption was ...... people don't necessarily see you as you do. WOW, stuck. Helped.

Pretty average today Grandy, but I know it's the beast, been a biggy this one, GOING to pull up, I'm at the point in life, had ENOUGH of this, not going to let it down me anymore, my goal is to get you and as many other people as we can there too! Helps me this resolve too, gotta pull through to be able to help others. Getting there. Sorry needed vent (Crying but that's ok too)

Ok popping over to other thread to chat with you girls.

Take good care of yourselves, read Quirky you're not a hugger so for anyone else that does ((( awesome soul hugs )))

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky,

I'm not to bad considering no sleep now in over, 30 hours, but so tired and needing some, done everything last night to settle the beast, nope he wanted me he had me..was about to try self medicate, have seen on posts thought I would try, but changed my mind I will wait until sleep come. I'm okay it will find me.

curly hair, all my life hate it, I used to have long hair a few months ago, but well instead of Sh my hair copped it, cut it off to above the shoulders, then hairdresser to fix up now to short, so not liking it much, reminds me of what I done.

Im pleased I helped you with your meeting I hope it goes well for you.

Quirky I hope you have a beautiful peaceful day, and you are in a good mindspot.

Have a great day, kind thoughts.

GG