Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ggrand,

You actually answered another option that I had thought of after I sent me first response to you, and that was to do with friends/acquaintances. I’ve got that kind of thing as well, with friends kind of thing. I’m fine behind a keyboard, but to take up an opportunity of going out somewhere with them, for me, that’s a massive stressor for me. So I don’t get invited or asked anymore.

I don’t know if this is something you would consider or have thought of and already thought ‘no’ too, or maybe it’s just not an option at all; but for me, our family has our pet dog (he’s 12yo) now, and having him has helped me on lots of occasions. I’m not sure if it’s every dog, but I know that Jack seems to have this inbuilt mechanism, for when one of us in the family is sad, he’ll come to you and puts on the biggest sad and worried face and is right beside you. He seems to know.

That was me in a roundabout way of wondering if you’ve considered getting a pet … like a dog? I was trying to read into your posts to see if you already had one, so just thought I’d suggest this.

Neil

[Ggrand]

Hello Neil1..This is my 3rd attempt at this post...I had 3 dogs a little family Dad (tigga) Mum ( Kya) and Daughter (Ebony).. Late last year I gave Tigga away because I was struggling looking after myself let alone 3 dogs..Kya n Ebony are low maintenance and don't need shaving as Tigga does..I love Kya and Ebony so much that I would protect them with my life. Tigga and Ebony were Johnny's Dog and he raised them. ..I feel so guilty that I gave him away..I am sorry but again my tears stop me from finishing..I'll try again later.. So tired of the way I feel atm..thank you and take care Neil1..

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ggrand,

I’m so sorry that your response was interrupted with tears … I sure wasn’t aiming for that kind of reaction. I realise that it wasn’t anything I said, but just the whole thought process of Johnny, and the dogs. Grief is a very hard emotion to deal with. I’ve struggled with deaths that I’ve faced in my own family, so know how horrible and tough the grieving process is … and also that it’s so different for every person … there’s also no real time frame for it either.

What breed of dogs do you have? And may I ask how old they are?

I lost my Mum in 2014 and I was then able to take care of her little dog (Australian Terrier) – Tess. She came with us to our home and we looked after her for another 2 years of her life. And sadly to put Tess down last November, she was 17yo; that was heart-breaking. But she’s with me every day now … I have a tattoo of her smiley face on the back of my right hand, so I see her all the time.

Have you been able to visit over to the Social Pages here for a look at what different thread topics there are? There are a huge number of wonderful people on this site and especially on the Social Page threads, there’s loads of different chats happening. You may not be interested or even up for that, but just thought I’d let you know about it.

Look forward to hearing back from you.

Neil

[Ggrand]

Hello Neil1.

No it was nothing that you said it's been a really bad week..Kya (5) and Ebony (2)are Maltese x Yorkshire.. I did have a look at the social pages and have read some of them...

I had a big melt down yesterday and had to ring the 1800 number which helped me get through the day..They were really helpful..

Today I am not as weepy which is a good day for me..So very sorry to hear about you mum..My mum passed away just over a year ago and I miss her so much..

I have let so many people down these last few months and I'm afraid to say I think they have moved on.I just don't go outside anymore staying home has become the norm for me now. I used to enjoy window shopping but am afraid to go out now. One reason is the panick attacks another is bursting into tears for no apparent reason which happened once in a shop..I feel safe at home..

Just wondering how you cope with depression, sadness and anxiety is it something you learn or do we just learn to live with it.

Thank you so very much in your kindness.

Karen.

k

[Shellee32]

Hi Ggrand, I am very much a newbie, only joined minutes ago but i relate to a lot of your postings. I am in a rural area, nearest town 25 km's away which offers nothing really, I truly have no friends as such, and feel so alone it is crazy, I would love to have someone to have a cuppa with, a chat with and at times a shoulder to cry and lean on. I now seem to do nothing but look on the computer, have severe arthritis which has really stopped me from doing almost anything and this year has been the worst. The house is freezing and I stay in bed almost all day everyday, only leaving it for toilet breaks, coffee re fills and taking my little dogs outside. I just wanted you to know that people care and understand.

[Ggrand]

Hi Shelley.

So sorry to hear that you are also in such a dark spot. I also spend most of my days and nights in bed, it's really getting me down as I read it's getting you down as well.

living in a small rural town we don't really get proper doctors and I think the proper treatment we need.

I have two little doggies but I'm ashamed to say that I don't take them out for walks simply because it's just so hard for me to step outside of my front yard. I know everybody in town but at the moment don't want anybody around I'm trying to keep this depression and anxiety a secret as I don't want everyone in town to know and I'm finding it hard to do so. No I don't have friends in town no one I could have coffee and talk to and it gets you more down,

I am trying so hard to get myself out of this dark hole but I'm failing miserably no one seems to understand what we are going through not even the psychologist or psychiatrist I feel lost and hopeless at the moment.

I have read several posts here and some of them do help the problem is I don't know how I got this way so I don't know how to get out of it. Arthritis is hard to handle at anytime let alone with depression. I can only hope that all of us who are suffering from this debilitating illness can eventually find a way out and live our life the way it's supposed to be lived and not just in bed all the time crying..

[Neil_1]

Hi Karen,

Sorry been away for a couple of days … well not away, but I generally don’t get much of an opportunity on weekends to log on.

You know I’ve been thinking … and I know this is something that makes things harder for me, and that’s winter time. I’m definitely not a cold weather person and so with winter, it makes it tougher. When it’s so cold out, or the wind is particularly brutal, that’s another reason why the bed can become so appealing.

I had my alarm go off this morning, and my immediate thought was: “Here we go again … the cycle continues”. And it’s just gotta … it has, cause the alternative is not good. It’s a matter of digging deep and getting going. I do sometimes wonder how I’m able to continue digging and reaching further, in order to get through days.

It’s the mechanisms that I’ve put in place over the many years I think are what helps me. My main one is trying to stay as fit as possible, and for me lifting weights (gym) is a huge release for me, not only physically, but mentally as well. I basically have two sanctuarys where I feel “comfortable”; obviously, one is home and the second one is at the gym.

I have a good GP, also a good psych and I’m on my 3 different kinds of meds on a daily basis. I have my set routines that I try to adhere to each day and if something goes out of whack with those, then that tests my anxiety levels.

I can’t just can’t “up and go out” at the drop of a hat anymore … like if a mate has asked me to the club or whatever and gives me a couple of days notice, I simply can’t do that. To do that, I need some lead up time, to get prepared and ready for it.

I’ve written a bit here about me and how I go about things … just hoping that something I’ve written might help with how you’re going.

Shellee, I’m sorry to hear also about your battles and struggles. I know what you mean also about the computer … while it can help to occupy and see things, etc, it possibly can be a bit of a hindrance in potentially stopping us from being more active and getting out a bit – though that’s just my own take on things.

Neil

[Ggrand]

Hello Niel.

I agree that winter is not the best of climates, as far as summer goes no i really don't like summer it's just to hot and humid..early spring is my season.

A friend (ok i will call her a friend for now) came over yesterday and talked me into playing a game of Darts with 3 other ladies I know. Last night up all night trying to reason with myself I will be okay going. Anxiety had a hold of me all night, morning comes I'm waiting for her to pick me up, 1 hour later I'm a mess when the phone rings, she changed her mind.

I went to bed broken but also relieved that i didnt have to go out. then I realised why would they want someone as hopeless and sad as i am around them and i really couldn't blame them.

Really what use as am I to anyone while I'm like this im not even any good to myself. Bad thoughts are entering my mind, I'm not listening, last time i listened I attempted suicide. Not going there again.

I really am pleased that you have a couple of comfortable places and can dig deep to continue daily..You are an amazing person, helping others to get through there dark days while you yourself still enter them..

Thank you Neil..

Take care.

[Neil_1]

Hi Karen,

I see a massive positive there for you. Ok, so they changed their mind and it didn’t go ahead, but the offer was initially there AND you said yes to it.

You may not see it as such, but I am calling that a good step. Yes, of course, a shaky one and then it came with its aftermath as well, but at least it was “something”.

Is darts a game that you enjoy? I’ve got a board set up in the garage and occasionally play … not that often, but at times, we get out there with the kids (19yo and 16yo) and it’s good to play of a summer evening. None of us are any good, but it’s still fun to try.

I really do hope there’s another opportunity in the future for you to try for this again.

Kind regards,

Neil

[Ggrand]

Hi Neil.

Yes i played Darts with this group for around 7 months until I got to unwell to go.. So upset atm they did play today but not with me..

I can't understand why people can treat others this way..Why did she bother coming at all and asking me?. Did she come for a laugh at my expense?. What she/they did has made me feel not good at all..There definitely won't be a next time..I'm safe away from the outside world..

I have my little fur family and me that's all I need.

I will get better one day.

That's my promise to me..