Advice for Seeking Professional Help (Trigger Warning- Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Feelings)

[Chloe_M]

Hey guys,

My life at the moment is really complicated, so I'll keep it brief:

• My parents are extremely strict- they don't let me do anything, when my boyfriend (who was also my best friend) broke up with me, they didn't know
• I was touched inappropriately last year by someone who I had known for years (not a family member, a peer)
• I suffered from depression(?) after the breakup for about 5 or so months (I don't have a diagnosis because my parents didn't know)
• I have stopped now, but I had been self-harming for around 2-3 of those months
• A couple of weeks ago, the depression and anxiety was so bad that I wanted to kill myself
• I am always anxious- I have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach
• I have panic attacks frequently that sometimes are for no reason- these involves sweating, shaking, hyperventilating and crying
• I really hate germs and am kind of obsessed with washing my hair and sanitising my hands
• A lot of my 'friends' judge me and some of them bitch behind my back
• I find that my anxiety is not at the front of my mind when I dance or when I am on this forum helping others
• My ex and I are friends again, but some weeks he ghosts me and flirts with random girls, and some weeks he acts like my boyfriend again
• I have only recently 'come out' to my parents about being anxious all the time
• I am going to see the school counsellor on Monday
• My parents are going to take me to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist

I would like some advice on how to talk to a counsellor/psychologist and some general info about confidentiality and stuff like that.

Thanks guys xx

Chloe_M

[Lici]

Hi Chloe 😊

I get what you mean about being at war with yourself. But that's where you need to ask yourself if you're wanting what you had (in terms of friendship) or do you want what you have now? It sounds to me like the two are very different things. A relationship can change a friendship forever when you break up and sometimes the "old way" won't come back.

It also sounds like it was never really friendship on your part, you liked him more than that when you first met him so the friendship was always through your attraction (on your part) does that make sense? So the friendship you have with him now will be different because he's got a new gf, that's where you would need to decide if this friendship is enough for you. If you can be there for him if something happens in his new relationship as a friend (because it won't necessarily mean that he'll want a relationship with you again).

You don't sound horrible in anything you say btw. So don't think that about yourself. It's perfectly normal to feel that way and adults can feel that way too.

When you say that you know what he says is crap, do you really know that he couldn't care less? Or are you thinking that way because he isn't in a relationship with you anymore? When it comes to having a panic attack, we often feel like we are obvious when we have them, but quite often, an outsider can't see it. And while you may be in his line of vision, unless you've made obvious eye contact with someone, then they could be inside their own head thinking about their own issues or looking at something else, it doesn't necessarily mean the person is ignoring you.

Hugs. I'm sorry to hear you've had a tough day. Do you know the breathing exercises etc for panic attacks? I found breathing exercises and counting to ten etc helpful when I used to have them.

How did your last day of naplan go btw?

Lici

[Chloe_M]

Hi Lici,

your post has really made me think about what I want and how I'm feeling. I really appreciate your honest comments and help x

I am content with just being friends with him. I know he's not going to want a relationship with me again and I honestly want to be there for him if anything happens.

I do not believe friendship was through the attraction, when it was just a crush it was easy to push aside and I found that it didn't bother me at all. That way for about a year and a half we were really close friends and the attraction I had towards him didn't affect me at all. We were best friend and have been to this day. We were inseparable lol. Our English teacher (this was in yr7) moved us to opposite sides of the room because we never got work done because we just talked, and even then we made faces at each other and managed to communicate silently from opposite sides of the room. And then he got a detention that was kinda funny.

It was only towards half way through last year that I noticed his behaviour towards me had changed, and that mine was changing too and my feelings were getting more noticeable (to myself that is; I'm a pretty good actor so everyone had no idea!). We became even closer friends then.

i understand now our friendship will be more restricted if that makes sense, I'm going to be pushed aside a lot and 'rejected' in a sense because obviously his gf is going to come first, over his best friends and classmates, and I especially as his best friend and confidant who just happens to be a girl, I'm going to get way less attention because it may lead to rumours and he'll just be thinking about how I'm not her when he's with me anyway.

im just assuming that he's talking crap because why would anyone care that much about me? What's to love (?) lol

youre right though, I have noticed that I feel like I am being very obvious but many people do not notice. I just always assume it's because most people are not as aware as I am, or as observant. I am often caught looking at other classmates in class, not because I'm being a creeper but because I observe silently all the time. I notice things. ill say to a friend, did you see that? And they'll say, see what, or, no I didn't.

last day of naplan...😬😬 maths under pressure for me is a recipe for disaster. I didn't finish the test and I had a giant mental blank in the middle of the test. I couldn't figure out how to do any of the questions 😭

Hugs to you too

Chloe 💛

(I only just fit all of this on)

[Lici]

Hi Chloe 🤗

I'm glad I helped in some way. I worry that I come across too blunt so I'm glad I didn't!

It's good that you want to be just friends, it sounds like you have a very close friendship kind of like the one I have with my best friend from high school. When girlfriends are involved it can get way more restricted! I'm 39 now and when I was like 20 I think it was, my best friend had a girlfriend who HATED me! She was jealous of our friendship and that we had known each other for so long. We ended up not talking for almost 10 years! But girlfriends come and go and I'm always there as his friend. My point is that even if he does pull away from your friendship, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you, it can mean that the girl is jealous or he wants to stop rumours as you say.

There's a lot to love! You're a very intelligent, compassionate, caring girl and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend! Don't let the MI talk to you like that! When your mind says that to you, do what I do, tell it "You're not me. You are the result of neurotransmitters being stupid in my brain. You have no power" I find it helps to write or tell myself in the mirror all the good things about myself too. It feels weird at first, but it helps to say it out loud.

Because anxiety attacks are often things like shaking and our heart racing and our head kind of going "!!!!!!!!!" It can feel like it's super obvious (which also can increase anxiety). The thing is though, most of it is completely internal so no-one notices. I think it's somewhat the worst thing about panic attacks. I think people would be more helpful if they knew what was happening.

Sorry to hear about your test! I'm a bit like that in exams myself. Luckily my uni exams are mostly multiple choice, so when I go blank I guess lol it's usually a 1 in 4 chance I'll get it right.

I hope you feel better now that it's all over!

Hugs

Lici

[smallwolf]

Hi Chloe,

How's it going?

I read the last few posts and have been meaning to write but... This is just an observation of what my children went through and might relate to you somewhat.

There was another boy who lived a couple of doors away from us. My son and he were friends, not best friends but friends none the less. About grade 6 onwards they started to drift apart. This occurred for various reasons. Different grades, changing interests, sports etc. Come grade 8 you would not know they had been friends.

Not sure if I mentioned it here but peer pressure also plays a large role. You can either hang out with me or him, but if you choose him we won't talk to you. Sure fire way to lose all your friends. And this was in year 11 and my son had to find a new group of friends.

Not saying your ex does or doesn't want to talk to you or acknowledge you but there could be an element of peer pressure there. And if there was it would not be admitted.

High school is when alot of changes occur. Different maths and English classes. Different subject selections, choices. The people my son hangs out with now are different to those from grade 11 and different from the earlier years. I would suspect that you would have friends in the dance, drama and music classes? As an aside, my daughter who is in grade 10 only has a few friends at school and more in the swimming club outside of school. Just be true to yourself and you will have the friends you deserve, who will be there for you, through thick and thin, no matter what happens.

At one time I was speaking to the school counselor and some of the problems my son was having. Outside of saying that my son could chat with him, hd said that after high school you are unlikely to keep many/any friends from your high school days. I know that might be a long time away for you, but a chance to put things into perspective.

Just take each day as it comes. Do the best that you can. Stay true to yourself. Show kindness to those around you. Nobody can ask any more or less of you than that. And it would be my hope that you find happiness in these times, friends to share these moments with, and the life we all search for.

Smallwolf

[Chloe_M]

Hi all,

Thank you smallwolf and Lici for your heartfelt responses... very grateful for the large care factor on these froums, it is much more than that sown in real life.

Yesterday to relax myself I made a ginormous salad and listened to calming music. Worked a treat!

[startingnew]

hey Chloe

how have you been? how did you go with naplan?

[Chloe_M]

Hi Starts,

I'm actually doing okay atm. I am writing a very tedious paper for extension history about WW1. I am currently writing a very large paragraph about the stigma surrounding veterans with PTSD. Did you know that the levels of stigma surrounding PTSD and other mental illnesses is higher in the Australian Army than in most other services? Very interesting. And sad.

But I'm almost done, its my final argument so im getting there!

I won't be around much for a couple of weeks, its half yearlies time YAY *sarcasm* so stress stress and more stress for me but oh well ill get through it as long as i get As haha.

x have a good sunday

OH YEAH im so excited we are getting fish again!!!!!!! MI perks lol i told my mum that watching fish swim around in circles is calming for anxiety (its true though) so we are getting them after lunch today. Mum is taking them to work (shes a teacher) and getting 2 for her colleague too. Then we get to keep them after the unit of work on animals is done. YAY i get to pick because i know a lot about goldfish LOL i know how to pick the healthy from the sick, i feed them properly (small chopped up bits of raw fruit or vegetables, not that crappy pellet/flake food stuff).

have i mentioned that i am excited?

last night we watched the royal wedding, mum dad and i had a bit of a lol at the very enthusiastic priest. He talked about the automobile at one point...

xx chloe 😛

ps for any goldfish carers reading, they like boiled, shelled peas (its good for their digestive system but not too many lol). Also they love strawberries. Any fruit or veg, just be careful how much you feed them... they will eat what you give them so unless you want to be cleaning the tank every 2 days then feed them every 3 days so they do not fill the tank with faeces because you know what they'll eat that too.

[Lici]

Hey Chloe,

Sorry I haven't replied for a few days, like you, I have half yearly exams and assignments etc so I've been under a bit of stress. I'm glad to read that you're almost done with your final assignment! It's a great feeling to know that you don't have to worry about assignments for a while isn't it?

I'm also glad to read you get to keep the fish 😊 fish are definitely relaxing! I'm a bit weird, I want to get pet squid or jellyfish lol they just look so cool underwater!

I'm also glad to read that you had a relaxing day the other day. I find music is always calming for me, I listen to rock music though lol I love lyrics and it's always interesting to get an insight into the signer's emotions or life etc. Some songs also make me feel relieved that someone else knows what I'm going through. Evanescence and Tool are two of my favourites.

Anyway, I was just popping in to say hi and to let you know that I'm not ignoring or anything, better get back to this assignment. It's due in 12 days and I haven't even started!

Hugs

Lici

[Chloe_M]

Hi Lici,

Thats okay, i didn't think u were ignoring me.

This boy in my class was sitting next to me, telling me that science made him want to commit suicide. I got so mad at him, the teacher moved him away and I was getting really panicky.

I am very sensitive today, i self harmed earlier i had to.

The weekend didn't turn out that great. I spoke a little bit rudely to my dad, i was fired up because he spoke rudely to me first. He started yelling 'what the f**k' at me. He then threw my phone and ipad in the bin, and told me to get out.

[Lici]

Hi Chloe,

Sorry to hear about your day and weekend. Hugs. It can be hard when people throw around phrases like that. They just don't realise that it's a serious topic to some people.

I'm not sure what to say about the self harming to be honest. I've never been in that situation. My youngest brother used to though. It was hard to understand why though. Do you know or have you thought about why and what triggers your self harming? Maybe knowing the triggers etc could help in finding other ways to deal with it. When I was 16 and felt like I wanted to harm myself, I used to write poetry. I found writing my feelings out creatively made me feel better. Could something like that help you do you think?

I understand the parent thing though. My dad was very strict and abusive at times. I'm sure your dad didn't mean it though. Parents are human too and can be having a bad day. Hopefully it was only a bad day for your dad.

Hugs. I hope things look up for you soon. I wish I could be more help.

Hugs

Lici