Advice for Seeking Professional Help (Trigger Warning- Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Feelings)

[Chloe_M]

Hey guys,

My life at the moment is really complicated, so I'll keep it brief:

• My parents are extremely strict- they don't let me do anything, when my boyfriend (who was also my best friend) broke up with me, they didn't know
• I was touched inappropriately last year by someone who I had known for years (not a family member, a peer)
• I suffered from depression(?) after the breakup for about 5 or so months (I don't have a diagnosis because my parents didn't know)
• I have stopped now, but I had been self-harming for around 2-3 of those months
• A couple of weeks ago, the depression and anxiety was so bad that I wanted to kill myself
• I am always anxious- I have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach
• I have panic attacks frequently that sometimes are for no reason- these involves sweating, shaking, hyperventilating and crying
• I really hate germs and am kind of obsessed with washing my hair and sanitising my hands
• A lot of my 'friends' judge me and some of them bitch behind my back
• I find that my anxiety is not at the front of my mind when I dance or when I am on this forum helping others
• My ex and I are friends again, but some weeks he ghosts me and flirts with random girls, and some weeks he acts like my boyfriend again
• I have only recently 'come out' to my parents about being anxious all the time
• I am going to see the school counsellor on Monday
• My parents are going to take me to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist

I would like some advice on how to talk to a counsellor/psychologist and some general info about confidentiality and stuff like that.

Thanks guys xx

Chloe_M

[Chloe_M]

Hi Lici,

Thanks! We did well on the weekend. Mum's car will be fixed but we dont know how long, whereas my phone may not be able to be fixed so i might get a new one.

NAPLAN is kinda stupid it doesnt count towards anything at all. I know i will do well in literacy and am hoping i will do okay at maths, i suppose i am okay at maths, i am after all doing yr11 maths in yr9 🙂 its hard but its challenging in a good way.

Have a good day,

Hugs to you to

I need hugs its so cold haha

x Chloe

[Lici]

i suppose i am okay at maths, i am after all doing yr11 maths in yr9

😮 You're way better than ok at maths! I couldn't even do yr 9 maths in yr9! I always got C's or D's. You'll do great! Better than great if you're being tested at a yr9 level!

I hear you on the cold weather! At least we have sun here today, still, so cold!!

Hugs again,

Lici

[startingnew]

Hey Chloe

im having a mind blank lol- did you see your psycholgist today im sure someone was seeing a psych for the first time on the 14th.. i might be mistaken from something else lol

anyway.. how was school? whats you get up to today?

[Amy23]

I have 2 threads but I post on other people's quite a lot

[Chloe_M]

Hi 😄

No I didn't see my psych for the first time today... I'm seeing her on 5th June lol

school was okay, I have NAPLAN tomorrow Wednesday and Thursday. That kinda sucks but it doesn't count towards anything. Which is good, it takes a little pressure off I guess.

have a good night

Chloe

[startingnew]

thats ok Amy, which thread is better to come support you on?

haha tolda ya it was a mind blank Chloe. honestly im not even sure why they do naplan anymore- for the reason it doesnt count towards anything. good luck with it though. all you can do it do your best 🙂

hoping your having a good night too

[Lici]

Hi Chloe 🤗

Just checking in to see how you're doing. I hope your first day of naplan went well!

Hugs

Lici

[Chloe_M]

Hey starts and Lici and everyone else,

NAPLAN today and yesterday went ok. I don't actually mind doing it haha. It caused me no stress so big improvement there. Maybe its because i know its not going to determine my grades for school? Got 1 more tomorrow, maths, but that won't be to bad.

I'm feeling okay, today am kinda depressed though, best friend and i had a mini argument over text. I texted him and it was kind of suicidal and he got annoyed and told me he was done with me being like this. I told him i was done too and left it at that. He's responded but I'm not in the mood to answer. He just makes me feel like i have to apologise for everything. Its like i have to apologise for being me. And if thats him, then hes not someone i want to be with daily.

On top of that me and my other best friend found him sitting with his new girlfriend near my next classroom. He looked so happy it made me feel like sh*t. I pretended that i didn't care but i do, i really really do. I care so much that it kills me.

AND NOW to make things worse, here i am apologising again. "Sorry" i said "for sending that message. I shouldn't have". And he said "okay" and i asked if my apology was accepted. He said yes, then bumped my shoulder with his. Simple affection was portrayed in that contact, but i don't understand his words. I'm allowed to say that i hate my life and i want to die. Even though i get that its probably going to make people uncomfortable. But he said he'd always be there for me. And right now, i feel like he's not.

Toxic friendship...?

[Lici]

Hi Chloe 🤗

Sorry to hear about today and how things are going with your ex. I know you say he's your best friend, but have you asked yourself if you're friends with him because you want to be friends, or if you're friends with him because you still want a relationship with him and because you can't have what you want, you settle for the friendship?

I only ask because I was in that situation so much when I was around your age. I'd cling on to the hope that we'd get back together etc. Now, I cut all ties with any ex. I find it's just not healthy for me to stay in contact.

It can be really difficult for people who haven't experienced depression to actually know what to do, so your ex may want to help but just doesn't know how. I think him telling you that he's "done with you being like this" could just be him lashing out in frustration. But in saying that, if he says that all the time, then that's not being a very supportive friend.

You shouldn't have to apologise for how you're feeling. I understand the need to though, it can make you feel like such a burden on other people. Hugs. I think when it comes to your ex, you've really got to do some soul searching and decide what's best for you.

I'm glad to hear naplan is going well! I've got to start studying for exams soon 😣 these ones are the ones that will decide my whole future career. No pressure at all 😂

I hope your day looks up from here!

Hugs

Lici

[Chloe_M]

Good afternoon Lici,

What you said, about holding onto hope that you'd get back together- my situation is sort of like that. I'm at a war with myself...

Half of me wants to keep loving him even though he doesn't love me, and when something happens with him and the gf then I'll be there for him, and show him even though he let me down that I'll never let him down. That part of me is holding onto hope, hope that he'll realise what he's done.

the other half wants to move on desperately, so that when he comes to me I'll be like 'sorry, you snooze you lose' be a bit of a cow lol. thats really rude but still. He let me down so i can do the same can't i?

I know i sound horrible, i just want to stay being close friends with him because i miss what we had, there was a long time afterwards we didn't talk at all and that hurt even more than him having a new gf. We've been such close friends since practically the first day of high school, (which was when i first started liking him lol) I don't want to lose that friendship.

SO i don't know what to do.

He makes me feel so bad about myself. Literally he says to me 'i was worried you were going to kill yourself'. I swear thats crap he couldn't care less. I had a panic attack at the bus stop and he's behind me, i know he can see me but he chooses to ignore me. I honestly don't know where he stands.