A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[Quercus]

Hi Tim (and a wave to Pepper),

This I agree with 100%...

I cannot idly sit by and do nothing either. If, in my earlier years, I had techniques to deal with anxiety and depression, I might not be here now. Before my breakdown, I thought that what I was feeling was "normal". Yet it was not.

It is why I joined the forums. I wonder sometimes what I would be like if this depression had been managed at the very start so so long ago. If I had recognised it for what it was.

I think Pepper is also spot on. We can't save anybody... We all have to save ourselves. Noone can force you to get help... But we can help people recognise what is happening and how to seek support.

P.S Pepper... I keep wondering why you aren't a CC too? If noone has ever mentioned it to you you're a natural. 😊

[Doolhof]

Hi smallwolf,

Congratulations on becoming a Champ and for deciding to move one step further on the forums regarding assisting other people.

Self-help books are something my psychiatrist is trying to get me to read more of. I find I take notes of the relevant bits, than either have trouble putting what I have read into practice or I just forget to read the notes!

It is wonderful when something does stick in my mind and I find it beneficial.

The weird thing for me lately is I seem to be "receiving" messages from all kinds of places, like corny T.V. shows I put on while I am doing my stretches and exercises, to random thoughts people share on the radio and so on.

Guess the point I am making, is that if I am willing to open my mind more, I will be able to accept, appreciate and adapt more to a better sense of well-being no matter how horrid the day seems.

All the best with work ideas and courses. I am presently doing an Aged Care course with some weird content! The last module was about water conservation! Maybe someone heard about the 1/2 hour long showers I used to help a lady have when I used to work in aged care.

Sorry to hear about the ongoing saga with the swimming club as well.

Wishing you and the family a wonderful weekend.

Cheers from Dools

[Birdy77]

Hello Wolfy 😊 (aka small old hat)

I think it's really good that you have taken on the role of volunteering as a CC. You bring a refreshing perspective to the forums.

I enjoy the gentle, calm vibe of your posts. They always have a gentle humility to them and shine with compassion and wisdom. You already are helping lots of people on this rollercoaster.

Good for you. And as others have said, continue to take care of yourself.

🌻birdy

[demonblaster]

Lol tweety (Birdy)

Wolfy congratulations you're well suited to being a CC. Agree your posts are gentle helpful and with wisdom, you speak well ☺

[smallwolf]

Thank you Birdy and demonblaster.

Another psych. appointment over ... next one in 2 weeks ... psych is happy with my progression. My homework is to to try to get things out of my brain so that I can do one thing a time. Will have to google that answer. She asked me during the session today, as I used to have to multi-task things, and now too many things in things at once scramble the brain.

Then I had coffee with a co-worker... where I whinged about various things. He takes on board most (all?) things I say. I look forward to the time when I will be able to do that which gives me satisfaction. Here's to a new life.

Baby steps.

[PamelaR]

Hiya CC

You're sounding a little improved. Not sure about you, but i always find a visit to my pscyh improves me (for a little while LOL). That's actually unfair. My most recent psych is super cool. We've reached a lot of my 'ingrain' values and beliefs that make me behave and respond in particular ways. Especially setting off my anxiety wiring.

Hang in there, you'll reach your goal. You are truly an inspiration Wolfy. Will raise a glass to your new life.

Be kind to yourself.

Pammy

[smallwolf]

Pamela,

I know what you mean. After a psych visit I am on a cloud for a while. It is a relief to get those thoughts out of my head and for someone to then ask me questions in order to fix up some aspect of my life.

Don't think that I am advanced as you might be, but getting there.  Another moment today, where I recognised that I would multitask in my work, and I can't do this anymore, and the things I could once juggle in my mind now overwhelm me.

Rebuilding myself slowly. As much as I might wish it could be an instant fix, I know that is not how it works. Slow and steady to a better future.

I plan or hope to speak with a couple of people next week to help with a couple of things on my mind. Will let you know how it goes.

[Ggrand]

Hello Smallwolf, Pammy, Deebi, and all.

Just coming in to congratulate you on your CC position, well done, I think your very well suited for the position..

Your words are always wise and kind.. As everyone else said, please take care of your own health first..

Be Kind and gentle to yourself.

Kind thoughts,

Karen.......Grandy.

[PamelaR]

Dear Wolfy

You think you're not as advanced - well I've been having my 'brain' fixed for over 20 years. It's little increments. But it will happen. Sorry if 20 years sounds overwhelming,but if you think how long those responses have been part of you.... It's actually ok. Also approaches to help us have changed, this is good too.

Multitasking is really draining. Relax, it's okay! Remember, being perfect is not essential - for anyone.

Interesting about rebuilding - replacing the 'not so good blocks' with the 'much improved blocks'. It all takes time and energy. It's not easy at all. It doesn't have to be fixed immediately. Take your time, you've a lovely family to keep you occupied, spend time with them.

Wolfy you are great!! I'm reaching out to hold your hand. It makes me so happy you are a CC.

Kindest regards

Pammy

[blondguy]

Hi Smallwolf

Pamela is spot on...you are doing really well 🙂 You sound 'flat' which is the same as myself now and again too

I am rapt and congrats re your appointment as a Champion as you deserve it!

You dont appear to happy after your appointment. Dont mind me...just an observation if thats okay...Then again it wouldnt be the first time I read things the wrong way 🙂

My kind thoughts for you...You Rock!

Paul