What will become of me?

Scaredstiff · ‎23-05-2015

I must have walked under a ladder with a black cat on Friday the 13th. Since 2007 my life has been one setback after another. My sister-in-law passed away from cancer early that year at the young age of 51. Later that year, my husband and I separated after 35 years together. We had grown apart and no longer made each other happy. I retained the marital home in our financial settlement. Our separation was very amicable and we remained good friends. I continued to work four days a week until in 2008 a change in administration had me answerable to the supervisor from hell. She made my life miserable in a job I had held happily and successfully for 17 years. I tried to battle through this but it was soul-destroying. In 2009 my son went on an extended overseas holiday and he is now a resident of Canada. I miss him terribly. In 2010 my husband announced that he had a new 'companion'. This news was hard for me to hear, but I knew one of us would eventually move on. He went overseas with her and on his return, told me that he was having some health issues. He was diagnosed with bowel cancer and passed away in early 2012. He left his estate to our children. I was not a beneficiary. Later that year, my working life had become intolerable. I walked out and ended up in a doctor's office shaking with anxiety. I was granted sick leave which then extended into leave without pay until I was forced to relinquish my position at the end of 2014. Since then I have been doing a little casual work and with my savings dwindling, have resorted to Centrelink for help. At the age of 61 - 5 1/2 years too young for the aged pension, I am now on New Start allowance and am looking for work. The problem is, I am so depressed about my situation that I don't even want to get out of bed! I do not want to burden my family with my problems. I am embarrassed and ashamed that my life has come to this. To top it all off, I have now discovered that I have termites in my house which is my only asset. I know there are people out there who are worse off than me but I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I just wish the Earth would swallow me up. I adore my two children and don't want to cause them any pain....they are the only bright light in my life. Please help me!!! How can I rise above this?????

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Neil_1 · ‎26-05-2015

Hi there S.S.

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

I think you walked under a ladder and then “trod” on the cat, to be then faced with all that happened to you over the past number of years.

One thing awful has just rolled into the next and the snowball continues – you mentioned about your two children – and how they were gifted the contents of your late husband’s estate. And how that you are now struggling massively in so many ways, but financially is definitely one of them – I know this might sound weird, odd or perhaps even down-right wrong (especially coming from someone who you do not know), but I’m wondering:

Whether your children know the extent of how you are struggling at the moment (and finances being one of them);
If they don’t do you think if might be possible to share some of, or all that’s happened, especially with your work going so badly due to that mongrel supervisor (and wow, I felt for you so much there – that really stinks), especially as you’d been so good at that job for, oh what, just 17 years! And then for some patsy to come in and then turn it all around and cause you to leave – that really sucks big time. Sorry slight digression, but what I was alluding to here was, do you think one or both of your children could see their way fit, to possibly lend, loan or simply give you the cash needed to pay for your house to be rid of termites – I mean, that’s a major concern as well for you and that situation will only get worse if it’s not attended to shortly.

May I ask whether your children are married and whether you have any grandchildren? I do hope I’m not being too forward there, just that I’m a nosey bugga sometimes. 🙂

One last thing, with regard to people being worse off – yes, we can all say that, BUT we shouldn’t and you know why? Because we are suffering, YOU are suffering and you’re suffering big time – so that’s why I always say to others, don’t compare yourself to others – because what you’re going through is pain and hurt and anguish enough and it’s happening to you.

I do hope you can post again.

Neil

Jacko777 · ‎27-05-2015

Hi SS,

I am glad you have posted, people will relate to some of the things you have been through and hopefully have support and advice. I'm sorry to hear how tough things have been for you. As always Neil has some good ideas.

You are the light in your children's life too, take care of yourself for them and set the example by being on the path to greater peace and happiness. I think there are a couple of ways you could 'rise above this.' Firstly you could seek some help, see your GP or a psychologist or a counselor, find out what steps you can take to move away from how you are feeling.

'Living in the moment' has been a key for my recovery. If we bring all our negative experiences from the past into the present moment we would be paralysed. You have been to hell and now you are back, take each moment on, practice finding the positive in every moment, keep love in your heart and your mind focused on the positive stuff, be thankful for the good stuff in your life, even the challenges. Perhaps it is time for you to take on something new and challenging, small steps each day, is there something you are passionate about that you haven't acted on? Now might be the time, a trip to Canada? Patch up the house and rent it out while you travel abroad for a few years?? Love to you, talk any time.

Jack

Cumulus · ‎28-05-2015

I really relate to your post as I feel abit scared what is going to happen to me.

I don't have any family, 45, single and every day I need to learn how to live with a very complex mental health history due to sexual abuse - I've got BP, PTSD, Disaassoative disorder..lol, what don't I have...

I find it impossible to keep work due to the mental illness - I went from a career in PR to living in Boarding Houses for 4 years, but to be honest with you, though I am scared what will happen and hate relying on gov support - I am a richer and better person for this..though it took years' to get to this.

My only advice is - reach out to your children, and ask yourself why you feel shame - all these things were beyond your control. Get HELP. And I have found yoga and buddhism very useful - any spiritural or religious/artistic exploration fantastic - try and turn your world view in a different light - it is a great exercise.

Importantly be patient and compassionate - don't beat yourself up. Life happens and it sounds like for most of your life you have much to be proud of. Hold on to that.