They come in threes

[coffeeandkubrick]

Hi there,1 month ago, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was sad, but it was his time and the family has accepted this loss and is moving forward, last week I lost my cousin who was 33 and fit as a fiddle, He leaves behind his 2 year old baby girl and a pregnant wife with their unborn child. The day after I found out about my cousin, who I spent countless days and nights playing with when younger, my girlfriend broke up with me. She said she didnt want to be in a relationship, and that was that. It happened so quickly and there has been no closure. Whats even worse, she did it over the phone and ultimately, via a text message. I have borken off all contact, but she hasnt attempted to msg me in over a week now. So its not looking good. 

[coffeeandkubrick]

  I am not the type of guy to shy away from vulnerability as i do not see it as a weakness. I am not afraid of new relationships and new risks, but I have had my heart broken countless times now. I have also struggled with anxiety and depression for years. Although, its mostly been under control with various techniques and rigorous exercise. My girlfriend and i had only been together for a just under six months, but I had essentially moved interstate for her when the opportunity for another job arose, it was a no brainer as she was where the job offer was (we met over seas) and for the last few moths every thing was great, infact I was the happiest I had been for years.  Now, I am not new to heartbreak. I learnt in my early twenties that the best way to deal with a broken heart is by focusing on your self and the positives about your life. After a time, you will start to feel better and eventually you will meet some one else. After a rather difficult breakup in 2005 I quit smoking and turned to regular exercise, which is now a major part of my life. That has helped me alot. Although, now its not having the same effect as it once did. Im afraid I am pushing my self too hard, and injury is only around the corner. I find my self in a town that I do not consider to be my home, in a job that demands too much of my time. The contract im on finishes in 7 weeks and i will surely head back home after it, but im not sure I can last that long here. Its a small industry and if I was to walk away it would reflect badly on my reputation. I desperately want to get back together with my girlfriend, there were honestly no signs that she wanted to break up. I feel if she had spoken to me, I could have done more to show her all the good things about being in a relationship. I cared for her deeply and always tried my best to be a loving, caring friend. We got on incredibly well and there was indeed an infectious chemistry. The pain of loosing a close family member and then her breaking up with me 24 hours later when I was grieving is particularly hard to deal with. This isnt the first time i've felt grief, but never like this. If my usual routine of exercise and spending time doing things I enjoy just isnt cutting it for me what should I do? Im scared that my work is suffering and that Im ruining my reputation.  This time around, its just too much to deal with and Im scared for the future. 

[Jacko777]

Hi coffeeandkubrick,

Oh mate what a terrible month you have had. I am glad you are talking about it, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

I hope you have time and space to grieve over your lost loved ones, your Grandfather and cousin are very sad losses and you would understandably be upset. It helps me at times like these to make some quiet time alone each day to think of my lost loved ones, let the sadness flow out.  

Not looking good with your girlfriend as you say, a rather abrupt and inappropriate way to end it on her part I would have thought. Perhaps it is time for you to get focused back on the things that are important for you, make sure you have strategies to reach your goals, work out what you can do today that is positive and reflects what you expect from your self. Spend some time each day doing something that makes you happy and calm.

Jack