Suicide death in a small community

[Breeno]

Hi Everyone I live in a small community dealing with a suicide. I have been told this is a private matter not by family but friends after I posted the name and said how sad everyone was over the suicide of the person. Should I take it down

[MaryG]

Hey Breeno, I for one want to talk openly. Whenever I express my feelings I get "no don't do it" type responses. I really want the type of response from someone who has been there too and wants to talk openly about it.

[Chris_B]

Hi Breeno,

It certainly is a sensitive topic, there is a lot of shame and stigma associated with suicide. The following pages on our website may assist you in discussing this topic further online, it sounds like you have started a discussion on social media.  

• Understanding suicide and grief
• Supporting someone bereaved by suicide
• Language when talking about suicide

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Breeno, 

You raise an interesting issue. I myself am a Suicide survivor and if anyone asked me the question I would reply honestly. It's an interesting phenomenon that if someone were to die of a physical illness, such as cancer, from bowel to breast, or in a car accident when they are drunk, or even of complications with bulimia or anorexia, there is a response. An overwhelming sympathy. A wave of how unfortunate it was that this happened to them. People are all to happy to post it, and remember the person. 

Make it death by suicide and suddenly the crowd will grow quiet. Suddenly it becomes a private matter. Suddenly it seems shameful, something to be hidden. This perhaps the most damaging stigma. Suicide Prevention Australia recently hosted a Lived Experience Symposium here in Perth for those who are suicide survivors. The aim was to get information and points of view from those who had attempted it and those who had family or friends who didnt survive. I wish I had gotten to go.

This stigma is crippling because you can't talk about how you want to begin your life again.  People will ask what turned it around. If you say I tried to die, people no longer see it as a positive experience. Instead you are made to feel ashamed, guilty for what you tried to do in a moment of desparation after a struggle that other people can't imagine. You can't say I still think of it, you are made by society to hide it, like that embarrassing time you got drunk and made a fool of yourself, when it is so much more serious.

That stigma, that shame, that guilt is what can cause  survivors to re attempt. Sometimes they don't survive a second time.  If we could just smash that stigma, that its not something to be ashamed of.  It is something that happens. It is something that can haunt you for the rest of your life, which is never the same, but it is not something to be ashamed of. 

People also say that  speaking about it can cause others to suicide, but the numbers aren't there to back that myth up. If anything it is the silence surrounding it, the hushed tones that are costing more lives.

Thats just on my view in the topic in general. As you might be able to tell it is one of my passions and frustrations at society.

In regards to your situation, what does the family of the deceased think? If tbey are ok with it, are being open about it, I don't see any reason why you should have to take your post down.

GA

[MaryG]

"People also say that  speaking about it can cause others to suicide, but the numbers aren't there to back that myth up. If anything it is the silence surrounding it, the hushed tones that are costing more lives." 

I agree...it's the silence that is the problem. I just want to share my dilemma. I guess ultimately though I really want to know what works and what doesn't. I want to hear from a survivor to find out why they failed and how I can succeed. I guess I know how to succeed but maybe

I' m too scared to go there.

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[beyondblue_Online_Communi]

Hi Mary,

Thank you for contributing to this thread and your insights on the topic of suicide. The silence and stigma around suicide is still there to some degree compared with deaths by other means, the way that it is with mental health disorders compared with disorders of other causes (cancer, diabetes). beyondblue are working hard to raise awareness on this topic and for depression and anxiety in general. Progress has been made, but still a lot to be done.

At beyondblue we refrain from using terms liked 'completed' and 'succeeded' or 'failed' in reference to suicide, as it can make someone feel bad who 'failed' to suicide. I also worry Mary when you say you want to succeed at this. As you'll see from the thread, there is a lot of heartache surrounding a suicide, so words like 'success' can be almost glorifying.

If you are feeling at risk of acting on suicide plan you may have Mary this is an emergency and you need to get offline support, either via your local mental health team (number provided in an email to you) or if you cannot keep safe you should call 000 for an ambulance to attend immediately or present to the emergency department at your nearest hospital.

It is important you put steps in place to keep yourself safe and although you are scared, it important to break the silence and speak with someone. So please keep in contact with our forums, but also we'd encourage you to contact our supportline on 1300 22 4636 or via webchat from 3pm-midnight AEST.

[AGrace]

Hi Breeno,

I've experienced 2 angles of the impact of suicide. Both the loss of a partner and as a survivor of my own attempts. 

For me it's about "one voice can make a difference". I choose to speak openly about both experiences. There are certainly people who judge in a negative fashion but I consider that for them it's about unintentional lack of understanding. I try not to retaliate to these judgements, and I don’t let them silence me. There are others who thank/commend me for speaking up, I'm always amazed to find that they too have been touched by suicide in some manner.

It's a very serious subject, and bringing awareness and supporting others is something I'm very passionate about. Rather than focusing on the stigma,  I imagine what it would be like if everyone took a "one voice can make a difference" approach. The statistics from Lifeline reveal that suicide is the leading cause of death in Australians between the ages of 15 & 44. Surely we can't leave this in the too hard basket. 

AGrace

[Breeno]

Thank you everyone for your input, I have because of your input had the courage to leave the post up and refer Beyond Blue to anyone who would like some help in understanding the effects of depression that lead to suicide.

I have found by leaving the post up, that those replying in this community on my page are 50/50 for speaking up or shutting up, so I think that has been positive outlook.

Suicide death in a small community, one voice does make a difference

sincerely Breeno

[AGrace]

Wise words Breeno.

Good on you for choosing to keep the post. Mourning someone to suicide is unique for everyone, for you sharing and speaking up about it may just be part of the healing process.

AG

[Lameda24]

Having dealed with the same thing, just kind of keep it to your self.