Hello Livinia
Feeling guilty is par for the course. You did not cause your pet's death and I am certain you did everything possible to help him. What you are experiencing is a sort of survivors guilt. You feel bad because your dog died and you did not. We all have guilts round this theme, staying alive/staying well when our friends and those we feel responsible for experience pain or death. "If only" is so powerful and living within that thought trips us up time after time.
You did the best you could so you have nothing to reproach yourself with. Please try to remember this in your grieving. If you can take the guilt away it will be easier to simply grieve. It will still hurt because that is what grief does. I know when I say, "Give it time" it seems you are not getting any help and the pain is still with you. It seems as though it will never end.
And of cause you are concerned about the other two fur-babies who are grieving. I think our pets grieve for family members as much as any human. They don't have a way of talking about it but because you love them you can see their bewilderment and hurt. Talk to them. I found it comforting to talk to my pets and they responded to the emotion I showed. Your pets will help you in this way as you talk about the one that has gone before.
Please remember this will pass no matter how hard the journey and no matter how dark the world seems now. It's only been a couple of days so no wonder your grief is so raw. Contact your EAP. I had not realised you are a public servant and have access to an EAP. Go for it. They can usually see you quickly unlike psychologists in private practice who may not have time available immediately.
Please keep in touch.
Mary
