My husband died

[habibity]

I recently lost my beloved husband of 23 years. We have 5 children aged from 21 to 7 years old. He was only 46 years old!

He was an amazing father and kind person to anyone. 
He struggled with drug addiction for years and despite my attempts to get him help…nothing did. Meanwhile he kept using and went on a downhill spiral and would keep getting an infection at the site of where he was using heroin.

The last incident occurred before Christmas last year and he was prescribed antibiotics for his infection and it appears he didn’t complete the cycle of the medication.

This time he started getting a high blood pressure record on his Apple Watch. He was using a mixture of drugs including meth ice and he was very sleep deprived although he was lying to me about it.

My poor husband was in pain and I called him an ambulance and at the hospital I was told he had gold staph infection and he had a heart condition so he went to the intensive care unit. He had numerous drips in his body for help. He managed to FaceTime me and talk as he cried for being sick and he apologised and declared he loved me and our children dearly. We thought he would have to be in hospital for a couple of weeks and return home, but that wasn’t the case.

After we spoke to each other he was placed into an induced coma because the infection had damaged almost every organ in his body and he had a mild stroke. 
We had a doctor who said that due to how unwell he was the doctors thought he would die within days and therefore myself and our children along with his family were taking turns to say goodbye to him and undoubtedly the most difficult task for me.

He was in a coma for two weeks and woke up and appeared to be doing better due to the medication he was taking and I wanted to speak to him and he asked if he could come home to help me and our children as he called me his beautiful queen and declared his love for me. The doctor told him he was very sick and couldn’t go home and he never did. A few days after he appeared to be doing better he got a chest infection and was sadly placed back into an induced coma. The doctors had a meeting with myself and his family to discuss the next step of his journey as he had not been able to have any  heart surgery due to dying on the table and he was reliant upon oxygen 100%. So the doctors said they had done everything possible to keep him alive and comfortable and that we would have to take palliative care. So they turned off all his machines from dialysis to his oxygen and given medication to help him with the last stage of his life and be completely comfortable. It’s been very difficult to see him in this situation but I wanted to make sure he knew he was never alone and I would stay through the night if needed. He was conscious for two days which was precious and I monitored his needs for medication. My husband was squirming around as if he was trying to get out of bed and he asked me to take him home but I couldn’t and this made me cry. He was extremely emotional and in pain so he was given some different medication and he was asleep but still responding to me talking to him with eye gestures and hand holding. He passed away on day 4 in palliative care and I was relieved that he no longer was suffering and how powerful our connection was. I am really grateful to have been there for him in his time of need and now am in pain. My heart is so heavy that a part of myself dyed with him. Any help support is greatly appreciated. Thank you 🙏 

[Sophie_M]

Dear habibity,  

Welcome and thank you for posting to the Beyond Blue forums. We are so sorry for your loss, we want you to know that our community is here for you during this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your story here, it sounds like it has been an incredibly difficult and traumatic time for both your and your family. It sounds like you were an amazing carer to your husband despite how hard it must've been to see your loved one in those circumstances. We hope that you have someone that you can talk to and some support during this tough time. It’s normal to feel fear, anger and despair during this time, grief has no set pattern, and everyone experiences grief in different ways. It’s also important that you take care of yourself and reach out to others.   

You can call our counsellors at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. We'd also recommend talking to Griefline, on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEST every day): https://griefline.org.au/ We hear that you also have children that would be dealing with this in their own way, support is also available for them through Kids Helpline: https://kidshelpline.com.au/  

Please be kind and patient with yourself during this time, you are doing the best you can and it's important to have support around you so that you know you are not alone with these feelings.The forums are a safe and supportive space, we hope you'll hear from our community soon.   

Kind regards,   

Sophie M 

[tranzcrybe]

The touching homage to your husband clearly demonstrates the love you shared for each other, and there is no better time to be close than when time is so precious.

But even the painful memories can eventually become fond ones, despite the heartache, if you recognise that while loved ones depart, they never truly leave.