My Dad just died!

[Doolhof]

I'm here home alone and my sister called to say Dad had collapsed in the city and the ambulance people were assisting him.

I phoned some friends and asked if they could come and be with me, they were busy.

My husband is on his way home, it will take him a couple of hours.

The police called into my sister's home and told her Dad has died.

I phoned my Minister and he said "That will happen. People die." I told him I had to go.

I don't know why I am sharing this here. I don't know what else to do right now.

I don't even know if this post is suitable for the forums.

[Doolhof]

Hi SapereAude,

Thanks for your kind words. My Dad's funeral is this week. It has been a time of many mixed emotions. Thankfully as a family we have managed to stick together. Some moments have been tough.

In the past I have sought out grief counselling, after the loss of our children, with various degrees of unsuccess.

One lady told me I should be thankful I don't have children. Another told me to write about my sorrow to the tune of Happy Birthday. The third used the whole session to tell me about her dead baby brother, when ever I tried to turn the session back to me, she talked over the top of me.

Maybe it is just me. I didn't find those sessions to be very helpful.

People are now telling me I should be thankful Dad died so quickly. I am but I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

One lady was surprised I took time off work the day after he died! He was my Dad, not some goldfish you just flush down the toilet and replace the next day.

I know people mean well, or at least I am giving them the benefit of the doubt that is their intentions!

Saying goodbye is tough.

Cheers from Dools

[Quercus]

Hi Mrs D,

I finally found your thread, sorry to write so late. My brain hasn't been functioning well lately.

One thing I'm learning about grief is there is no 'proper' way to grieve. Whatever you feel is what you feel, anyone who judges or tells you how you should do perhaps needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

I'm sorry about you not getting to speak to your Dad. Unexpected passings are very hard to cope with I agree.

Also am so relieved you get to have a funeral for him and m farewell and celebrate him at least. I find it very hard to accept our friend is gone without the funeral.

[Quercus]

Grr. Phone is crap.

Just wanted to add I don't know how to help but wish I knew.

You said you keep waiting for your Dad to appear and say it was a joke and that hit home deep. I hear a truck from the house and think it is our friend and I'll get to ask him about his skiing holiday and show the progress on the rock walls. It hurts.

Massive hug to you Mrs D.

Love Nat

[Doolhof]

Hi Nat,

Sorry to read about the death of your friend. Yes, we are very fortunate to be able to have a funeral, to be together and to celebrate my Dad's life. We are all very thankful for that. I don't know how people manage to say goodbye in their hearts and minds otherwise. I guess people find a way.

Grief is an individual experience. We all deal with it in our own way. I'm not sure what my way is yet with my Dad.

Being here at home is very different for me than it will be for my Mum who is going to be returning to a home without her husband.

I've been wanting to write Dad a letter. Maybe the words will come later.

Thank you for your kind words, they help a lot Nat.

Thinking of you and your own grief.

Regards from Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools

Grief is so individual yet we often compare our grief to others. I cried in a supermarket in frozen section but not at the funeral when my mum died.

My first letter to my dad a few days after he died was just I miss you I love I didnt say goodbye and just repeated that for half a page. You will write when it feels right.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Mrs. Dools..

Thinking of you and you’re family Mrs. Dools...

Grief can come at any time, and any place precious lady...and their is no wrong way or right way to grieve...

I believe our heart, soul and emotions needs to release the grief at the time they needs to..

Hugs and Peace...🕊.

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky and Grandy,

Yes, we do all grieve in our own ways and I have read previously there are various steps to grief.

Grief has been a part of my life since my babies died. The pain and sadness can become less intense, the memories linger.

I need to be kind to myself and to allow my thoughts and feelings to be expressed somehow.

Thanks for your understanding and caring.

Cheers from Dools