lost the love of my life!

[longers81]

hi,I'm 33 I've been in a relationship with a girl for the last two years she was from perth i was from sydney.last year in may we broke up i came home but we kept talking and we kept seeing each other through out the year id go there she would come to sydney.she moved back in with me in december and everything was going amazing! then she cheated on me with some one she was seeing in perth when we had broken up and is now saying she has fallen out of love with me.and  two days before this guy got to sydney we were so in love like i have never felt before i wanted to marry this girl.now she is saying she is going back to perth to be with this guy.im beyond devastated I'm so upset i don't know what to do? I'm so in love with her and i can't live without her she is leaving next week but already she dosent want to talk to me i don't know how this has happened I'm so lost and i miss her so much it hurts!!! every morning my alarm goes off and my first thought isn't **** i have to get up for work,its another day without the girl of my dreams! i can't sleep properly I am constantly thinking of her and them being together I'm going crazy! i really feel on day we will be together but maybe I'm dreaming.im sure people fall back in love and one day I'm going to get her to fall in love with me again.

or maybe I'm just dreaming again

please help

[geoff]

dear Longers, I am terribly sorry for this, because losing someone you really love, for what reason is never easy to accept.

I always say what I think, because what's the point in running a merry go round, it only gives the person a false hope.

If you want to now delete this message then please do so, because I can't see a happy ending in this relationship for you, but also for her, because she will be chasing anyone who offers her the most, and this guy in Perth won't be her last, so she will bounce from you to him and then it goes on.

It's never nice for a chap to lose a lady with whom they are so deeply in love with, because this lady friend doesn't love you nor him nor anyone else, and will use them all up, and eventually she will be the one that finally misses out.

I am so sorry to say this, but you seem to be a lovely caring male which many a female would be asking for to have in their life, sorry mate. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi there  

Wow, super tough situation for you and I do feel for you.  May I say you both did really well for such a relationship to work over such a distance between the two of you.  

I’m sorry, but I want to try and break this down a bit – you said that you broke up last May.  A couple of things arise out this:   how/why did this happen if you were both so in love with each other?  You also mentioned that she cheated on you – but that was when you were broken up, so technically that’s not really cheating, is it?  

It sounded like it was a kind of up and down relationship and also a lot of travel – and I guess when distances are involved, the old saying comes to the fore, ‘the heart does grow fonder’ so when you see each other it’s almost like it’s like the ‘first time all over again’, which can make for wonderful times together.  

Now I could be so wrong with what I’ve written above and reading your post it seems like you are in the early stages of this separation and so your emotions are running at an extreme high.  I think so many people would have experienced these kinds of emotions – and they are not pleasant at all.  We do have to experience them though and we do work through them and process it all and we then come out the other side, battled and scarred but still upright.  I think one of the emotions now is to not believe too much sensible advice and to hope that people will say that it will get better and that she’ll come back to you.  I don’t want to say that you’re dreaming, but I don’t think it’s going to be a healthy activity for you to think that she’ll come back to you.  

The best suggestion I can give is for you to please try and occupy yourself as much as possible at this current time – mates, friends, interests, hobbies – do everything and all that you can (within reason of course) to be active and occupied.  Seek out mates at this time – true mates will give support at this time.  

I hope that something that I’ve posted above has helped you – even just a little bit.  Please take care and know that you’ve got a hell of a lot of support here for you on this site and if you feel ok to do so, it’d be great to hear back from you.  

Kind regards  

Neil

[longers81]

Hi thanks guys for replying.neil1 she was seeing this guy in Perth and then came to live with me and two months into it he came to Sydney and they hooked up!the whole time they were talking while she was living with me I questioned it and she just said the drunkenly hooked up one time before she got back and that she would stop talking to him.then he came to Sydney and they hooked up and I found out and I found out the whole story she was talking to him the whole time and she even went to the lengths of changing his name to a girls so I wouldn't know.anyway the Sunday after this all happeed she said she wanted to see me I said ok we had an amazing night.she was telling me that in time she hoped we could work it out and that she was going to stay in Sydney.i got my hopes up big time then the next day she just said no I'm going back to be with him.broke my heart all over again.im so devestated and lost I've spoken to her everyday for two years now I can't even contact her.i miss her so much.

[tap78]

Hi Longers81,

I can understand how you feel at this stage as I have just lost my wife of 10 years to another man however it was not the first time she had cheated on me and what I have come to realise is if they are going to do it once they will most likely do it again and again. it is very hard to let go of someone you care so deeply for and to think of them with another, I am still struggling with these emotions myself but I do believe that chasing them and putting all your efforts into hoping they will come back to you will only lead to more hurt. If she does come back you want it to be because she truly wants to be with you and not just because she feels its the right thing to do or it will only happen again. as hard as it is you need to try and let her go and find a way to be happy without her. If it is meant to be it will happen in time if its not than you are only causing yourself more pain chasing her. I hope this helps you in some small way