Please bare with me on this difficult of all topics.
If someone has never parachuted, how can they describe the event to someone that has never jumped? A soldier in war describing it...painting the picture?
We all have various experiences that define us as unique. So when it comes to losing a child parents often describe it as "indescribable". How can they paint that picture?
Most of us have experienced grief, the loss of a loved one but to lose a child is, it seems, on a higher plain.
As I've worked with victims of crime one challenge has been to find ways of obtaining relief from such grief. We as humans cant possibly compare grieving circumstances of such loss except that anger would rate as an added emotion with some. Anger at a perpetrator or someone seemingly or directly responsible can envelop a parent creating unimaginable intetnal anguish.
Getting a life back following such loss is often most difficult. The first rule of thumb is to have no rules. No expectations. Gentle ears, calm, waiting for that one signal that is positive towards moving forward with day to day activity.
There are ways to lose a child other than death. I've lost a neice to a cult. At 14yo she ran away from blood family. She's now 33yo, has children of her own and is estranged from most blood family still. Imagine the hurt the parents and 5 siblings feel? Their child still lives but near zero chance of reconciling. ..is also a unique form of grief. How empty?
Ive found there is not any "best practice" to move forward and pick up pieces of ones life to become productive following the loss of a child. One way to help is devoting ones life towards helping others in the name and honour of their child. A cause.
Memorials are common. Honouring your child's life by deeds, in a way allowing your childs life to result in a positive project of some sort of your choice doesn't have to be public if you prefer it to remain private. Grief can be very private or maybe public especially if fundraising.
My good neighbours son passed away in a car accident. Days later his daughter in law had items owned by his son to collect. Amongst them were 50 potted rose plants his son prepared. His son adored roses. He took them home, planted them in a special garden, takes cuttings and pots them for others in town. He never takes one cent.
This small hamlet in spring is adorned with his sons roses. Wow!
Most of us cant relate to losing a child. We can find a way of their memory to live on.
Tony WK
