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I’m drowning and I don’t know which way is up
I have complex PTSD, anxiety disorder, ADD, treatment resistant depression, etc; and the one person I relied on the most who I saw multiple times a week for 14 years, is gone forever. Adding complex grief to my never ending list of problems. I feel like I can’t survive. I feel like I’m so alone in this world. I need something drastic to happen or I won’t survive. But I don’t know what to do 😔
Hello A_lost_soul - welcome to the forums. I'm glad you have found your way here.
I'm very sorry for the loss of the person you had a regular & supportive relationship with, over such a long time. That loss in your life is very painful, I'm sure. Where to from here is a very important question for you. Having someone to talk about the way forward, I am also sure would help. I would suggest calling BB's own counselling service on:
1300 224 636
Or there is a webchat here too, (the link is at the bottom of this page).
May I ask if the person you've lost was your therapist? That's what I'm thinking, but forgive me if I'm wrong. If so, finding another therapist will be difficult, given your past with them. Do you have a GP you would trust to talk to & see if they can help you find someone to help you with all the difficulties you face in your life.
One thing I realise is how strong we are when we have such difficulties to cope with. I wonder how people do it, sometimes, then I see people like you do, & am sure it comes down to a deep inner strength which defies these assaults upon us & helps us to survive. I think it's a kind of stubbornness, but no matter what I call it, I am still here, as are you. Everyone on BB is here too, & together, we are all stronger
Would you take a little time today, just to appreciate that your own words will be read & be helpful to someone else... I mean, if your situation is what think,I may face that day too, when my own Psychiatrist is gone. I can't really prepare myself for that possibility, ecept to work with him as long as I can, building up my own personal resources & taking everything I've learned from him & others in my life, to see me through the grief.
The first Psychiatrist I saw many years ago, moved interstate, & it was a shock to me how much I realised I'd come to depend on him, how much I missed him, the regular weekly sessions with him, so much, it was a form of grief that I went through. I was with him for two and a half years. So if I lose my current PDr, who has been so good for me, I feel sure I will go through another grief, likely worse than any before. I know now, thee tings are survivable; I'm stronger now, I cope better than ever before. It's not going to be the end of the world.
It is incredibly hard to lose the person who was your main source of support when you are already dealing with so many challenges. I can somewhat relate as I also have complex PTSD, anxiety, depression and suspected undiagnosed ADHD. Over the past 8 years I have lost numerous people close to me and been through unbearable grief. For most of that I also lacked adequate counselling/psychological support. But what I hope may encourage you is that I kept persevering to find the right help, and eventually I found a really good psychologist. I really felt totally lost at sea with absolutely no one to support me for a long time, but I am no longer that alone. So I hope you can know that no matter how horrendous it feels right now, things can get better and you can start to find really supportive people out there.
Please feel free to stay in contact here if you need people to talk to, and as mmMeKitty has mentioned there is the BB helpline and Lifeline. There is also the Blue Knot Foundation who assist people with complex PTSD. They have a helpline available from 9am-5pm 7 days a week (Eastern States time) and that number is 1300 657 380. There is also Griefline 1300 845 745 8am-8pm Monday-Friday (Eastern states time).
Please take care and wishing you healing.