Dear Evarosie
Hello, it's good to hear from you. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I can appreciate the grief and pain in your life and I want to briefly tell you about the loss of my sister and mom. I know it won't take away your pain now but I want to give you hope.
My mom died after a fall and stay in hospital. She lived in the UK and no one told me until just before she died, when it was too late to get there and say goodbye. This was in 1999 and she died on Christmas Day. I managed to get there for her funeral. After I returned to Oz I cried everyday for months because she had gone. It was the most searing pain and I imagine this is how you feel.
I know part of your loss is because your sister died at such a young age and you cannot share your future as you both expected. And part of the pain is the feeling of a huge hole ripped into you that hurts constantly. This is how I felt about my mom. I know she was much older and we are all going to die, but the reality always takes us by surprise.
My sister had cancer, had a number of operations and lots of chemo. After a while the cancer had returned so often she was unable to fight any more. I did get to see not long before her death and I knew the pain she suffered. I'm glad I was with her for a while.
The worst of the raw grief has gone and it will go for you also. At the moment every thought hurts. Sometimes I just curled up in pain and grief. I wanted you to know how I felt because at times like this we believe we are alone and no one knows or cares about our loss. I care that you are going through this time and I wish I could stop your pain, but I can't. All I have is the assurance that it does get better.
My sister wrote poetry I discovered and she had always wanted to it published. I promised her I would do that and I did. It was hard at first reading her poetry and it made me cry because I was not reading it with her. I did get her work published. I needed to get over my own pain to some extent first. I gave several copies to my niece, her daughter, and she was so thrilled. I believe it helped her to manage her loss also.
As others have suggested, doing something in memory of your sister or anything that she would have liked and been proud of you for accomplishing, will help you at this time. I do scrapbooking and had pleasure in scrapbooking my sister's and mom's lives. Can you do anything of this sort? Whatever you choose will be right. Keep on writing in here, it will help.
Mary
