How do you find resilence

[Rita48]

Hi Im new to this forum. Struggling at the moment. Lost my sister 6 months ago unexpectedly. Dad died when I was 13. Mum suicide when I was 14. My brother suicided in 96. Ive managed to keep it together till this year by pushing all the sadness and grief into a back corner in my brain. For some reason cant do it now. Im just not sure where my resilence has gone. How do I find it again?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Rita,

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment and that maybe it is not that your resilience is gone – but instead that how you are feeling might be a normal reaction following significant loss. You mentioned that you have previously pushed your grief away; maybe you are at a point where it would be important to think about how you are feeling and why? Grieving brings with it mixed emotions, and one loss can also trigger feelings associated with previous losses.

Loss affects us all in many different ways. You can feel a range of emotions in a short space of time, or you might feel good one day and awful the next. It can also change how you think about things, how you cope and how you make decisions. You have not said a lot about how you are feeling, or why you are wondering about your resilience, I wonder if you are experiencing any of these changes too?

The other thing about coping with grief is the need to take one step at a time. Be kind to yourself as you work through how you feel. Talk with someone about how you are feeling, a friend or perhaps your GP. You might also want to consider seeing a grief counsellor to take advantage of the private conversations that you can have with them about learning to live with your loss. If you are not sure how to access some professional support our Support Service, 1300 22 4636, can help you out.

The other thing that people often find useful is to find a way to express how you feel – not just by talking, but through some other form of expression. It might be by writing a journal of memories, writing letters, carrying around precious possessions, planting a tree, writing a song; whatever feels meaningful to you.

Rita I have talked a bit about grief here because from your post that sounds like it might be a key factor in how you feel, but much of this advice is also relevant if there are other difficulties that you are facing.  It is about acknowledging where you are at, getting the support you need and knowing that things can change and that you can feel more resilient again. Many people in these forums can also help you through this process – we are here to listen and support you.

Take care.

[Zeal]

Hi Rita,

I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your parents and siblings. The passing of your sister must still be quite raw. Have you been to see someone about these losses, such as a counsellor or psychologist? Grief is very normal, and though you might not have mental health issues, talking to someone who will listen and can give therapeutic input could be really helpful. Try to maintain the friendships you currently have, as this form of support is so important. I always feel happier after spending time with good friends, and this is true for many. Perhaps try to regularly see extended family who live in your city or state.

I haven’t yet experienced grief like this in my personal life, so I can’t give you advice from personal experience. My Nanna died when I was 2 though, but I was too young to understand, and I also can’t even remember her. Hopefully others on the forum will be able to give you more specific and constructive advice.

I just wanted to welcome you and say a few things :)

Best wishes,

SM