Hopes and dreams all being crushed
How do you deal with ALL your dreams and goals being crushed? Feel like im grieving the life ive always wanted.
- As a teen i wanted to be a flight attendant because i loved travelling and flying. Then i got pregnant at 16, had my son at 17. There was no way i could be a flight attendant and a mum at the same time.
- I dreamed of having a nuclear family. I grew up with my father out of the picture and only coming around maybe a handful of times that i remember. When i found out my sister was actually my half sister, that ruined me. I wanted to have kids to only one person and at the time that was my sons father. My sons father never stepped up to be a dad or partner, refused to study or work, he was 2 years older than me. So i kicked him out.
- I dreamed of owning my own home. That will never happen as a single mum, the most i could borrow is just over 300k, cant buy a house with that. Cant but anything with that. Only way i would ever be able to buy is if i found a husband who could put up with me and my broken soul or if i won the lotto. See, impossible.
- I dreamed of being a midwife as i loved being pregnant with my son, i still find the whole specialty absolutely fascinating. I finished my nursing degree and have ended up with PTSD from working in aged care, never got accepted for a hospital new grad so couldnt work in the hospitals without that hospital experience as an RN. Started bachelor of midwifery, the responsibility scared me to death so i quit half way through. Im not even working as a nurse anymore due to these intense fears i have of going back.
- I dreamed of getting married some day, having a partner. That was crushed when i got back with an ex (not my sons father) and there was emotional/psychological and financial dv, came close to physical dv. Now the thought of dating again gives me mini panic attacks. I end up ghosting anyone that gets too close. The smallest thing i dont like, i ghost. I hate it.
- I dreamed of having another child, at least one more seeing as my son is now 11. Thats now been crushed after getting my third negative result. Ive been doing IUI using donor sperm for the last 3 months. Ill now have to go on to IVF if i can afford it if i ever wish to have another baby.
I truly feel like the whole world, the universe, is against me. None of my dreams have come true, they have all be crushed before my eyes and i just dont know what to do anymore. Anything i put my heart and mind towards gets crushed. I feel like i must have smashed 1000 mirrors in my past life to have such bad luck in this one.. just wish a miracle would happen for me for once.
hello and welcome.
Regarding your dreams and not being fulfilled... I can relate to that. As a teenager and finishing school, what I had hoped for, and where I am now are miles apart.
But this is about you and ...
I'm so sorry to hear about the immense pain and disappointment you've been experiencing. It's heartbreaking when our dreams and goals seem to be continuously shattered, leaving us feeling lost and overwhelmed. It's understandable that you're grieving the life you've always wanted.
And what I have learnt is that life can throw unexpected challenges our way, altering the path we had envisioned for ourselves. It's important to acknowledge the strength and resilience you have demonstrated throughout your journey. Despite the hardships, you have made difficult decisions and persevered in the face of adversity - you have raised a child by yourself, studied and qualifications. All I am saying there is that I also see someone who it strong and perseveres.
Also, be kind and patient with yourself during this process. Healing takes time, and it's okay to mourn the dreams that were lost. Remember that your worth is not defined by external achievements or the fulfillment of specific goals. You are a resilient individual with the capacity to create a meaningful and fulfilling life, even if it looks different from what you had imagined.
Hope that helps.