Greif loss

[Teza68]

Hi, just on 12 months ago I lost my wife who ive been with for 32 years.
Still till today I am emotionally sensitive, She past in her sleep unexpectedly with me cuddling her when I woke in the morning she was dead in my arms.
Ambulance came and tried to resuscitate her for 30 minutes to no avail.
Because it was a unexpected death a police investigation was required and coronary report done, My wife was born with spina bifada and always had a difficult medical life and we were so close thru so many difficult times. I have very little motivation now always anxious, don't sleep much, I feel so empty inside that I have latch on to a old female freind for support only to be destroying that with overload her with texts doubting her support for me because of my own insecurity demanding constant reassurance of her friendship if I don't hear from her within hours, don't know how to stop this anxiety

[missep123]

Hi Teza68,

I can not imagine the pain that you are going through. From the bottom of my heart I am so sorry to hear that has happened.

I can really see that you love your wife very much and have been there throughout the hardships. I wanted to say 'love' rather than 'loved' because grief is an incredible experience to go through but someone once told me grief is a way for us to hold onto something we love. However, when grief takes a hold of our lives and makes us anxious and unable to be happy then we may need extra support.

May I ask, have you thought of seeing a mental health professional? Feeling like you are not alone in your experience and having an extra layer of support may be very helpful.

I hope that we can comfort and support you here on the forums too Teza68

[Teza68]

Thankyou missep123 for your kindness, I have till this stage tried to think that I was in control, blindly denying the fact that I really wasn't, Unaware I was hurting others that were trying to help me, Yes I am in the process of obtaining external help for myself before I destroy what valued support I have.

[SarahZ]

Hi Teza68,

I am so very incredibly sorry for your loss. The pain you must be feeling now must be unimaginably excruciating. I can really tell how much you love your wife, those 32 years must have been exceptionally wonderful and you must hold so many beautiful memories.

Grief is a really unique experience, and people deal with it in different ways. I know when my grandparents passed away I really latched onto my sibling for comfort and support. I think talking these feelings and emotions through with a counsellor may also be really beneficial. The Beyond Blue Support Service team are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on the website www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

If you have time, I would also recommend having a read through this page: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/grief-and-loss

Thank you so much Teza68 for being so brave in reaching out to share your story.

Please feel free to give an update of how you are feeling and going whenever you feel up to it.

Sending you positive thoughts and prayers ~

[missep123]

Hi Teza68,

I think that you also demonstrate so much self-awareness and insight.

SarahZ also mentioned some useful helplines. I hope that you also find these forums to be helpful also.

Here for you!

[Teza68]

Thankyou missep123 and SarahZ for your support, I saw my Gp today and started a Mental health care plan, I've avoided going the Gp for the last 12 months because he was my wifes and my Gp for 15 years and a great deal of memories are shared with him that I just couldn't face, But destroying my life anymore was even harder to face.

Was a confronting moment but already feel less anxious, he set out a medication routine for me and contact for psychologist which will start shortly. Was hard to initiate and admit that I couldn't cope anymore. But glad I did.

[missep123]

Hi! Thank you so much for the update. I think that shows a lot of strength to go to see your GP given the circumstances. I am also so glad to hear that you will be on a mental health care plan. Please also let us know how it goes with the psychologist!!

[SarahZ]

Hello Teza68,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. How are you feeling recently?

It's really wonderful to see you how courageous you are in taking initiative for your mental health during what must be an exceptionally difficult time.

"But destroying my life anymore was even harder to face" - that's such a powerful statement, and shows how brave you are in taking the steps to better your mental headspace and life in general. You should feel exceptionally proud of yourself. I know many members reading this thread right now must feel truly inspired by your actions and strength.

Please keep us updated whenever you feel up to it!

Wishing you the very best ~

[Teza68]

Thanks SarahZ,

I am 52, can't change the past, if I dwell only wasting the future, doesn't change anything, still hurts this has happened but no changing it. Can only find ways to move forward from here on, everybody's support is a great comfort,

[SarahZ]

Hello Teza68,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope you're feeling better these days!

Your attitude and strength is really inspiring and I'm sure it will benefit many other members reading this thread who find themselves in a similar situation.

Please continue to reach out whenever you like, these forums are always open and welcome.

Wishing you the very best ~