challenges ive faced

[DebZzZ]

Growing up I always had problems in school I was bullied,when I graduated high school I mixed with the wrong crowd and went down a destructive path 

It started when I was 17 fresh out of school nothing to do I reconnected with people I grew up with found new friends went out.. I was abused on my 18th birthday at the time I had no idea about sex or abuse or anything and I stayed with the guy- he was abusive to me and I kept going back to him until people told me to stop and so I did.

little did I know he had been telling people about me and  WAS MARRIED , me being immature not understanding what was going on started talking to the guys even meeting up with some of them I had no idea what I was doing I was unintentionally being promiscuous they were telling me what I wanted to hear, giving me drugs and alcohol and doing what they wanted to me was normal to me, it was when I started hearing rumours that I started to realise what was happening.

I decided to stop everything and when I did I was stalked and I was abused again a few times. it was horrible I had changed my number over 30+ times that year and someone just kept giving it out along with my picture, by this stage I had gained some strength and determined to put a stop to all this I confronted my so-called friends who told me that my so called guy friend was the one behind it(THE ONLY ONE I COULD TRUST) things got ugly everyone in my community and culture was talking about me making fun of me staring at me harassing me stalking me, everywhere I went was hell or me. I was constantly crying I had lost all my friends people were telling people not to talk to me it was pure hell.

I eventually confronted HIM and the truth came pouring out from everywhere. so me and my brother decided to do this all back to him. we succeeded and eventually things stopped, most of my friends had came back to me but things were not the same anymore they were embarrassed to be around me .

I stopped contact with the guys but kept talking to my guy friend STUPID ME! It was then i realised i needed mental help i went to a psychiatrist who made fun of me and said i didn't need him. my GP at the time told me that i should be working and not faking my depression and put me on antidepressants and said to me go home.

I had no one i was completely down an out,  at this point and no one cared AT ALL except for the people at my job network. i dealt with my pain by using drugs, alcohol and eating

I had  a massive fight with my guy friend and it was horrible, he ended up apologizing to me and i had thought he had changed boy was i wrong.

A week later he asked me out and i said yes everything was good i was extremely happy but i had a guilty conscience it was around this time i had stopped doing everything the drugs stealing fighting everything, anyways i told him what me and my brother had done to him and that's when things got a lot worse.

we had a MASSIVE  fight it was ugly.. and my so called friends betrayed me it the worst possible way ever i was just torn.  i ended up calling the police thanks to his ex gf who was on my side. i decided not to get a restraining order as my dad works within the community in which he is from. and told my dad some of the story not all of it.

it got better in time people apologized and people fought with us it was horrible and ok at the same time. things improved when i cut all ties with those nasty people, most of them apologized and every single one of them cant stand to look me in the eyes and still avoid me 5 years on.

it was now 2010 and my mental health had improved i had changed my doctor and was put on anti-depressants, things got better. i had stopped taking my anti depressants in 2011 and had improved a lot and finished my counselling.

i had been happy very happy up until i found out one of the guys from my past had died from suicide i still to this day am shocked because of the way things ended with us.its only now i realised he cared he truly cared and how lonely he was i unintentionally broke his heart and in the end he broke mine.

on the day of his death i had a dream we were sitting in a park and he was apologizing to me for everything and telling me he will always be with me and in my dream i hugged him. 2 weeks later i got the news and everything thing i heard and saw in the dream was exactly what happened. he is now my guardian angel we have forgiven each other.

i met a amazing man who ended up leaving me without a word heartbroken i then had relapsed.

its now 2014 and on my birthday  i was heartbroken again, had a depressive episode and got to a very darm place.  i am now on antidepressants and am in counselling and getting treatment for major depressive disorder.
 

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[DebZzZ]

dear Geoff

I want to give him space and whenever hes ready ill talk to him I think right now hes confused I really dno

[DebZzZ]

so sorry everyone I have been extremely unwell had the flu throat infection migraine hhave gallstones had leg pain and was bed ridden and in hospital got discharged sun night also suffered a depressive episode