Hi Nat,
Don't feel like you need to reply, it really isn't needed unless you feel like talking. I think we are all like that, sometimes there aren't any words to say.
My mums journey has really just begun, hers will be a slow illness. Like my Grandmother, it is neuropathic and will affect her mind and her physical function. She is still getting around just fine, but has pain, and sometimes when she wants her body to do something but it just does not respond. She will stand there wanting to take a step, and her legs will not get the message and nothing happens.
It really makes it worse knowing what is ahead, as I think the memory of what my Grandmother suffered towards the end will be raw forever. She was in a nursing home because we could no longer cope with her care, as she was unable to move at all. She wanted to go for a long time before life released her, she was truly miserable. It was heartbreaking.
Even though my mum has a long time yet. I know in my own way I am already grieving. Once you know it is inevitable, it is like a shadow in the corner of your vision, or a weight on your shoulder, it never leaves you. It is not something that you can't talk about with other people, as they just become really uncomfortable.
My mum has been talking about assisted dying, and has said if the laws in our state are not passed, she wants to move to another state so she does not end up suffering like my Grandmother did.
Maintaining her quality of life as much as possible is my main focus. Not just pain control but maintaining access to pleasure and things that make her feel alive.
Sorry if the things I talk about trigger you, or make your own struggle harder to bear. Sometimes it helps talking and sometimes not.
My thoughts are with you.
