Worsening depression after cardiac arrest

[daisy8]

Hi all, this is my first time posting, i am a very private person and mostly try to cover my depression, I'm a little unsure how this forum is going to work for me, I'm hoping it can be a place i can be honest and open. I have struggled with depression for about 40 years, since adolescence, managing to be functional most of the time by hiding what i was feeling. disability and serious health problems overthe last 2 years hasmade my depression and anxiety so much worse to the point of not being able to function and having several hospital visits. A couple of months ago i suffered a cardiac arrest and resuscitation while in recovery from a thyroidectomy, since then my depression has worsened greatly and i am returning to hospital soon. Does anybody else have experience with a connection between depression and cardiac arrest? I don't actually remember the event but i needed cpr and reintubation, i ended up in icu for 2 days and had a boken rib and sternum, recovered now. Many people seem to report having a new lease of life after an event like that but i feel the exact opposite. I am being treated by a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but feel mostly that doctors have given up on me as i am not responding to treatment. Thanks in advance for any comments.

[kanga_brumby]

Hi daisy8 welcome to beyond blue forums and it is safe to raise issues in here and be safe and judged. Congratulations on being brave enough to post. Plus thanks for the opportunity to respond. Most of the problems you seam to be having seem to relate to how your body is reacting to the heart attack and medications. I would strongly suggest stick with the medications they will help. They will find the right ones, it will take time. be pashent i know its frustrating. If any one knows this it's me. Nut that is a stoty with in its self stick with it

Kanga

[therising]

Hi daisy8

You sound like you have endured a lot, the sign of a true warrior in battle.

It's understandable as to why the depression has deepened, with your physical challenges having grown. I believe we all have an image of ourselves when it comes to what we should be like (regarding our mental, physical and spiritual health), so when things don't match that image we are left to re-evaluate. The key to acceptance is in how we evaluate our self in relation to our circumstances. It is easier to focus on our perceived 'weaknesses' because they are evident, rather than focusing on our abilities.

At almost 80, my mum has developed many health issues which have led her to feel depressed, which I can understand due to her having been such a physically fit and active person up until 10 years ago. About 5 years ago, she had a fall at home which led to a hospital stay and a mentally dark period (darker than usual). It was then that I said to her 'You are not hopeless, you are an adventurer.' When she came out of hospital, we went on a holiday for a week and have been doing that every year since. I wanted her to know that if she is going to define herself by her circumstances, she has the power to change her circumstances to a degree, so as to associate with her abilities and true nature. I also rented a walker for her a few years back which she ended up buying. She acquired a disabled parking tag and enjoys the perks of both.

I can understand your reaction to the cardiac arrest, as Mum had a seriously critical 14 day hospital stay over the Christmas/New year period. She came out of it quite depressed, not with a new lease on life. It is easy to adopt an 'Anything can go wrong/what's going to go wrong next' attitude (a kind of mental conditioning). A lot of people define my mother as 'negative', including family members, but because I understand depression I define her as strong and courageous whilst facing deep challenges. Getting the best support from people who understand is key. If you've given your doctors plenty of chances, perhaps it's time to look for a new lot (don't feel guilt).

Again, when we re-define our self, it's important we choose the positives to associate with, though difficult at times (Eg: Holidays, the perks of parking spots, mobility assistance to increase activity and avoid isolation etc.) Having things to look forward to is important as it helps shift our focus. You may even choose to find a side-kick for adventure.

Take care daisy8

[White_Rose]

Dear Daisy8

Hello and welcome to the forum. This is a safe place. No bullying or name calling and no one knows who you are. We would like to get to know you as a person not a name. We have to rely on you for that so tell us only those things you want to say.

Both Kanga and therising have made great suggestions which I suggest you think about. I have to admit I have less agility than in the past and it frustrates me. Actually it frustrates me so much I am now taking steps to regain my physical strength and ability to move. It is a sobering thought to be less active because of circumstance rather than desire.

While I cannot speak about the link between cardiac arrest and depression because I am not an expert, I have noticed a correlation between being ill and depression. In very general terms when we have a physical illness we need our strength and fortitude to get well which may take our eye off the depression so to speak. Feeling rotten physically can so easily morph into depression.

I agree with therising about self image and having goals in life. I have returned to hobbies I enjoyed years ago. As I regain my skills I find I am really enjoying myself in a way I have not known before. It may be because I live alone and do not need to cater for another person. Becoming master in my own home has taken a little while to happen but it's great now. I still get periods of depression but having something that absorbs my whole concentration gives me great rest from the other.

Have you spoken with your two psychs about your feeling they have given up on you? I would be very surprised if that was the case not to mention annoyed at two professional people not doing their jobs.What makes you think that? It may be you have spent so much of your life hiding your depression that it is hard to let go of the feelings. What do you think? It seems to me that when we experience deep trauma of any kind we want to retreat into our shell because it feels safe. No one can harm us but also no one can help us.

It is hard to talk about our innermost feelings and sometimes there is a feeling of shame about our thoughts and memories. Or the belief that some thoughts are not worth mentioning because the whatever has been in the past and is no longer relevant. I believe your psychs will let you know what is and is not relevant. Ask the psychs what you need to be talking about.

Daisy, I hope you will come back and talk to us soon. Please be careful of yourself.

Mary

[Juliet_84]

Hi Daisy8,

I wanted to reassure you that there’s a well-established link between depression and heart issues. So much so that they actually warned my dad of it before he went in for open heart surgery, and he never suffers from depression. But after the heart surgery, he slipped into a depression that took him a bit of time to get out of. I don’t think that the depression is caused by your heart problems, but heart problems can cause a new episode of depression. While it is perfectly normal, it is important to speak to your GP or specialist about this so they can be aware of it and treat it if necessary, as one can have a negative effect on the other.

Juliet x

[daisy8]

Thankyou so much for your responses, i also really believe that acceptance and looking at my strengths is the key to resilience. But that very resilience seems to be the first thing to go when I'm feeling very depressed, i have been knocked down and got up again throughout my life, I am very good at distraction ,avoidance, faking it,and just keeping on going, but just keeping my head above water, not really making progress. With this deepening depression, i feel like the tank is just empty and when i most need to i just can't find the energy and strength to get back up, but then isn't that what depression is? I have always done hobbies, art and craft to energise me, i am trying to still but finding very little motivation. I really appreciate this space and your replies as i do feel it is hard for my tobe open.

[White_Rose]

Hello Daisy

I'm sad that you tried everything you can but it has not worked for you. That would be dreadfully disheartening. Yes we do need our resilience and it's something I have talked about with my GP. Where do we find it is always the million dollar question.

I don't know that a traumatic event of any kind necessarily gives anyone a new lease on life. It depends on what was happening before the event and what sort of event it was. It's possible that after 'dying' someone may be disappointed they have returned to life. I would not think that applied to many people but if someone was very deeply depressed they may feel that way. But then others in that situation may be thankful they have returned to life and then have a resolve to become well again. Who knows.

You have mentioned your two psychs. May I ask what you talk about with them? I wonder if you feel you are round in circles, do not really understand what they say, find it rather airy fairy, or any other response. The key to good therapy is when both parties talk to each other and feel they are on the same wavelength. I had a psychiatrist once who was not good at explanations. If I asked him what he meant he would repeat his comment in exactly the same way and again if if I asked. You would think these folk would realise what was happening. It's like shouting at a person who speaks another language in the hope that volume may result in understanding.

I am hesitant about suggesting anything in case you have tried it before. I certainly do not want to bore or irritate you. Do you think you can take charge of the conversations and go where you feel you need to go? While we know ourselves well and know what is happening it's useful to have an objective someone helping you along and and stopping when you get to a hard bit.

You said you are a private person and do not go around telling your troubles to others. Do you think you may be holding on to yourself a little and not allowing the psychs to get in? I know I do this when the conversation gets round to some tricky bits, places that still need healing and it's good if the psych can help you explore these matters a little. It is opening yourself up to the possibility of hurt but sometimes that's where we need to go.

I will leave that with you. I hope you will think about it if you think it may help you.

Mary

[daisy8]

Thankyou white rose, you certainly have a very real underatanding and experience. My psychiatrist ha told me that he doest think the standard model of psychiatry with drugs is going to wor k for me and that psychotherapy will not work for me, where does that leave me? He has suggested life style changes that require a great deal of energy , motivation and money, none of which i have. I now feel it is hard to trust him as he really thinks" i just need a kick up the bum"

[White_Rose]

Hello Daisy

I'm sorry to be away for so long. I needed some surgery so was in hospital for a few days. All good now.

Psychologists and psychiatrists have different ways of managing therapy and within each field there are different ways also. Some psychiatrists are happy to manage the medication side while leaving the therapy to the psychologist. Some situations work that way and others don't. It is frustrating when you are looking for help to keep coming up against what seems like a brick wall.

I now feel it is hard to trust him as he really thinks" i just need a kick up the bum" I am sorry that this psychiatrist has not listened to you and talked about your needs. Perhaps it's time to change psychiatrists. I presume your GP referred you to him. Do you know if the GP had any particular reason for the referral? At any rate it would be beneficial to talk with your GP and discuss being referred elsewhere. Money is a big barrier in our lives. We cannot simply walk out to the nearest whatever and buy/do expensive things. There is usually a cheaper option and the more expensive option may not meet your needs. Sometimes I think those with good incomes forget how hard it is for others on restricted incomes, especially if they have people who are dependent on them.

How do you get on with your psychologist? Do you feel comfortable with him/her and able to talk about the things that trouble you? Would you feel OK if he/she took over your therapy entirely with some input from the psychiatrist on medication? Your GP could provide your medication prescription which may be easier. Have a talk with the GP about different therapies available and also talk to the psychologist. I think the psychiatrist is being unprofessional to say he believes nothing will work without offering an alternative. Perhaps he means nothing he can do will work which sounds closer to the truth. He seems a bit useless.

Sorry I was not available for a few days. I know it helps to have someone to talk to. I will be here in future.

Mary

[daisy8]

Thanks so much for responding, i do hope you are feeling better. I'm sorry i haven't checked the site for a while as i am back in hospital too. The psychiatrist works here and i won't see my psychologist for another month until I'm out of hospital. Thanks for the really helpful suggestions, I have a good relationship with my psychologist, but don't really have enough appointments, as you were saying the expenses are great. I had a good talk to the psychiatrist yesterday, very hard to do and maybe he hasn't given up on me as much as i thought but I'm still very cofused about the direction, je told me to hang in there, I'll try, thanks again for your support.