25, male, completely lost with career direction and life.

[HereIam]

I feel like I've missed the boat. Everyone I grew up with has their shit together and I'm still living at home trying to find entry level jobs to apply for. I've worked as a security guard, a bush regenerator, a door to door sales person, a housekeeping attendant, and have also completed a handful of useless short courses. Nothing, and I mean literally nothing has ever drawn me in, sparked my interest, ignited a flame, in regards to wanting to pursue it. I absolutely dreaded every moment of the jobs I listed above and quit after 3-4 months each. As a result I have had varying periods of stability throughout my life so far and it causes so much god damn uncertainty and anxiety it ain't funny. I am a highly orderly and self reliant person and my current life position is making me very low, lower than I have ever felt before. Living at home with my parents, no income or savings, no close friends, dwindling happiness, no direction, just.. nothing going on in the mind. People ask me what I am interested in or what I want to do, and I honestly say I don't know and am given strange looks as though I am lying or looking for pity. But the truth is I.. just don't know. I never feel like I fit in anywhere I work and often feel that people perceive me as angry/tired/arrogant due to my basic nature of being very reserved and content. I open up around some people and especially when I am alone I enjoy singing along to music or playing my instruments while having a few quiet drinks. But everywhere I have been this far in life seems to reject that sort of approach. It's all extroverted and in your face. My parents are afraid for me lately as I am of myself too. Not in a serious "wanting to check out" sense, just that this all feels like shit just got very real very quick. I recently quit another job after 5 weeks. I was working aged care but genuinely felt it wasn't suited to me into the future so decided to pull the plug. Very confronting and challenging work, requiring a dedicated people person, which I can't offer at the moment. I've lost some other points I had on my mind sorry everyone. If anyone out there in this large community has any advice to offer me please don't hold back, I need all and any of it I can get. Thanks.

[Croix]

Dear HereIam~

Welcome to the Forum, I'm glad you came here. I've been reserved and quiet most of my life, even though I'm a bit more vocal now, quiet and reserved worked OK in the end.

I was a bit younger than you when I felt much the same way about life being without direction, and at the time did not recognize that in my case it was due to factors that were outside my control. My lifestyle seemed pretty pointless, I was marking time at uni and generally dissatisfied. A lot came about because I went along with my parents' wishes - though I'm not suggesting the specific cause is the same in you case.

25 is not that old and quite frankly I think you would be surprised at the effect just one positive change can make. I found a partner and a job, both of which were exactly what I needed and my whole attitude to life did a turn-around.

Old age care is most definitely not for everyone, it is demanding and very often upsetting, and can leave on feeling helpless, discouraged and inadequate.

Can I say suicidal thoughts are a danger signal that things need fixing, they can also be pretty frightening with things snowballing quickly. I'd suggest you get someone else on your side, a GP or medical professional. Difficult to talk about, but I found that it lifted a load. If you get in a bad place and feel that taking to someone might be a comfort then you could give the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) a bell, it's no big thing.

About your parents (and you too I guess), if they are worried about you and fearful you might take your life. I found simply saying "don't worry" did not work. If the person worrying has an active part in supporting then they may well feel better. Have a look at the BeyondNow app:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

This is free and pretty good. I found I could not fill it in by myself properly as I did not really know what I liked (sounds a bit silly I know). Took someone else that knew me well. It's also a good way to introduce the subject if one is reluctant to talk about suicidal thoughts (as I was).

It looks like I've spent an awful lot of time on all this, time to change pace:

In order to eat a short term employment plan might be in order, even if the duties are pretty ordinary. A bit of outside influence and variety is often good just for it's own sake. About playing music, do you enjoy it?

I haven't really said a lot, I do hope you come back and talk more

Croix

[startingnew]

hello and welcome

Finding work can be so hard and even harder when we dont find anything appealing to do! have you thought about getting a careers advisor? they could help you to find something, and also look into study options too. some unis/tafe offer like taster courses to see if you like it, if it turns out you dont then its no biggie.

[HereIam]

If I had something to gravitate towards I would feel immensely better. I just desire employment that doesn't depend on me being someone who I am not. Now I can be flexible with that but so far the amount of resistance felt by a dozen different jobs makes me think either two things, I don't fit into the grand scheme of things or I haven't looked in the right place yet?

And by not fit in to the grand scheme no, again, I don't mean "checking out". I do not feel that sort of thing is on my horizon in the slightest. I appreciate your advice on the matter through as I am aware many other people have those feelings unfortunately.

It's been another long day so I will leave it there. Thanks for the reply.

[Croix]

Dear Hereiam~

My apologies for misunderstanding, as you say many do get overwhelmed. I tend to go on about options just in case someone is in need, and rely upon people like you being a bit forgiving if I'm off track.

I hate to say it but a lot of short term employment is just a means of getting cash and no much else. This can be extremely discouraging and make one wonder if there is such a thing as a fulfilling job. Some are lucky and found what they need, others have to make do and seek fulfillment in their out of work time. I suppose in a way they make their own grand scheme of things.

May I ask about your instruments and what you like to play? Also do you compose?

I think StartingNew may have a good suggestion about study and a carers advisor. I don't mean for make-work short courses, but something you do like for it's own sake. It does not have to be formal, there are many alternatives such as MOOCs

What do you think?

Croix

[therising]

Hi HereIam

I hear your frustration. It's a seriously tough thing to lose direction and a sense of purpose.

With my daughter moving into year 11 next year, all these poor 16 year olds are being asked to choose their possible future careers. Needless to say, most of them are feeling the pressure and the self-doubt. I gave my daughter one major piece of advice (something quite profound which I once read), 'Do not ask the question 'What do I want to do?, instead ask 'Who do I want to be?', which will help point you in the right direction regarding career.' I pointed out to her the fact that throughout most of her young life she has been a leader of sorts. 'Do you want to lead children, as a teacher? Do you want to lead communities, as a politician?' We chatted for some time before she decided she wants to lead people into a state of positive mental well-being. Most of her subjects chosen now revolve around psychology.

I think it's important we stay true to ourselves/our own genuine nature to some degree; the truer we remain, the happier we are. So, I am left to wonder who you have always wanted to be HereIam. Who did you want to be when you were quite young? A leader - with the considerations mentioned above? A hero - firefighter, police officer, environmentalist? A writer - author, journalist etc? Or a creative soul - carpenter, musician, artist? If you think back, was there something that sparked a fire in you, something you've gradually drifted away from, without fully realising?

By the way, don't take too much notice of societal expectation, if you can help it. If you're left judging your self based on society's standards, I will ask that you have a serious look at the social dysfunction that surrounds you in today's world. In other words, don't look into something that's broken to reflect who you are. Another thing to consider: You will eventually get to where you wish to be whether you compare yourself to others or not. The comparison thing, though tempting, is a destructive waste of time and energy. Going from job to job is often a reflection of someone who does not waste time. You are quickly working out what you don't want to do. Good on you.

Anyhow, have a think about an aspect of your genuine nature which you may have been neglecting, due to social pressures and misdirection. Once you reconnect with that authentic part of yourself, you might just find a path of possibility which ignites the flame of passion.

Take care of yourself

[MyCatIsBlack]

Hi Herelam

sorry you're feeling low and without direction.It sounds like you compare yourself alot to other people who have careers, their own place etc and your feelings are also driven by a strong sense of independence. Completely see your point of view! These days, people are so career driven i.e. you MUST have a good or high flying job, you MUST have a degree otherwise you're considered a failure..It's the same with socialising..you see lots of people who are indeed 'in your face' and people assume that this is how it should be.

You're 25 and have plenty of time to explore different activities and interests. Not everyone find their direction at a young age. Often, you might find that people who appear to have their careers and lives sorted out feel empty or miserable!

sounds like you enjoy music. I play music as well and found that joining a club most helpful in encouraging me to play more (most therapeutic) and meet amazing people of different backgrounds (from dentists to teachers, truck drivers, banana pickers) who accept you for who you are without judgement.

Hope this helps 🙂