Lost in DSP

[DSPicableMe]

I've never been on these forums before, so I'll introduce myself, I'm 34 and about to have my 35 birthday. My mum has terminal lung cancer and will be dead in a matter of months according to doctors. I suffer sever sleep aponea, ADD, chronic depression and anxiety. Years ago, back before they shook up the DSP rules, I was doing consecutive WFD programs one after another. This was after leaving a job I was good at becasue my family was moving state. Over the course of these programs I became very depressed because of the futile activities people are requried to do. Eventually I broke, and got put on DSP. From then on I was put on and rejected from almost every job network because of the 'funding' related requirements, and not being helped with actually getting work or work experience. I could search for jobs on my own, but was usually rejected after a time for lack of experience. I've got two Cert IVs in IT, the newest which is 4 years old, yet I am so desperate for work that I apply for anything despite my level of education. Nothing helps, I've been trying 7 years and nothing helps. I was put on medication some time ago which allows me to function at 80% of any other employee, but now centrelink has reduced my capacity to work and I can't tell them I'm able to because a) the medication isn't PBS covered, and I'm allergic to what is b) if I lost DSP I would lose the medication and be unable to cope up too and if I got a job because it's what gives me the ability to function at 80%. In a few months I will only have my sister, other than that I will be completely alone, my other closest friend online also has cancer and she will be gone soon too. I know this sounds trivial, but at my age there is no real assistance, no help, I've been put on the scrap heap of society and if I only had a chance I feel I could get off it. It feels like life is becoming completely meaningless, and I'm about to be hit with a tidle wave of loss, and I just wish it would stop/slow down so there was more time to fix things. So..... Anyway....... that's me... Anyone else on DSP that really wants to join the real world but has been sidelined with no assistance?

[RationalDave]

G'day DSPicableMe. Welcome to the Forum. My sympathy for your mum's condition, I've watched a few family members go this way but I can only imagine watching my mum go.

I'm pretty new here and not really confident offering advice, but your plight screams out to me.

Firstly, it's clear you're quite intelligent and have a good ethical grounding, so points for having some important tools to work with. Your work situation resonates because I'm first-hand familiar with just how brutal the tech industry can be, especially by the time you're beyond your twenties. I'm also hearing that your work has a great impact on your sense of fulfilment; again this resonates, I'm usually at my worst when work isn't going well. While I don't suffer sleep apnea and my medications aren't that severe I can certainly relate to the ADD and depression and I'm only a few years older than you too.

A couple of things that might be helpful to know, what the role you enjoyed was? Also, how old you were when you moved interstate?

Some of the negative circles of thought we get in the habit of when we're young never leave us. Personally I dispel them through a process of self-therapy which involves using positive language in a repetitive way. There are lots of means to the same end, but in essence the only one who can really pick you up, is you. Exploring ways to change your state of mind consciously can be powerful.

Do let me know if you'd like to talk further, I think we have a lot in common.

Dave.

[DSPicableMe]

Well, I was probably around 16 when I moved interstate, unfortunately now I live in a very high unemployment area somewhere in Tasmania, which is a vague description because most of Tasmania is a high unemployment area, unless you are in Hobart.

I actually wanted greatly to get into ICT, and did work for a very short few months when filling in for a technician at a TAFE, but then I surpassed a certificate III and was turned down for a lot of entry levels in my early 20's because the majority of traineeships want lower than a certificate IV or Diploma. I actually cursed my self by having lack of experience, which I am only partly responsible for due to the parent factor, of not taking jobs because my mum didn't want me to work at lower end jobs, she never got the concept that they would be stepping stones, so I let my self be emotionally manipulated into pursuing what she wanted me to do. I have really only worked sporadically, I worked for around a year at a call centre which I told my mum at the time was support when it was doing recharges, and had employment a number of years back in a IT related job but the employer paid $13.66 ph, it was the first time I had of DSP for ages, but then push came to shove, and I couldn't afford where I was on that wage, my employment agency that didn't get me the job tried to claim stream funding, and to do that they needed the employer to pay legally, which got me excluded and bullied until I resigned, so I have no current references.

So it's a bit of a spiral downward. I have tried getting into community groups but they seem limited in my area, I also have a number of skills but they are all computer related, apart from art/cooking.

Recently to try and pick myself up I undertook a mental health program, but it was unfortunately not conducive to helping me become more social, as apart from the staff I was the only one that turned up such is the stigma of mental illness.

It's really hard to get out of the negative mindset, I wonder if that is because the longer a person is depressed the more hardwired the depression becomes, the brain physically changes and this is worrying in itself.

I understand what you are saying about positive thinking, it's just hard to let go of all the negative, in my case it's always been largely related to situation and environment. I've heard of mindfulness therapy, and understand the concept of reprogramming the brain though positive thought repetition. I just have trouble with belief.

[RationalDave]

You have quite a few factors working against you there, that's tough. With limited opportunities and a poor start to your chosen career it's little wonder you're here with me!

I'll offer a perspective, let me know if it rings true for you. Some years ago I was let go by my employer under less that ideal conditions and - while we parted ways on somewhat reasonable terms - I've never been in touch with anyone from the company again. As a result it became suddenly clear that I was very dependant on work for some fulfilment, so having none made me feel terrible, practically instantaneously. What do you do in that circumstance? Go out and do any old work you can get, that's what. I registered with a labour agency and after two days I was placed with a commercial laundry service preparing towels for washing. Absolutely awful place to work, but, *any* job can be accomplished with a sense of diligence and pride. Focus on the things that *you* can control and do them as well as you can. Even under the worst of circumstances you have the power to access fulfilment.

Which leads me to the second point. This is quite a tough topic to discuss, so I apologise in advance if this evokes some emotions for you. Please bear in mind that in no way am I attempting to make light of your circumstances, I really can only imagine what loosing two close people might do to you and I'm certain there will be grieving. Here goes. If I close my eyes and imagine being in your shoes in the not too distant future, you've lost and grieved and now there's not a great deal tying you down. The emotion that springs to mind when I think about that is... relief. We spend so much time worrying about things we have absolutely no control over, that when the thing is no longer there, it's quite liberating.

Again, I'm sorry if that comes across callous, that's not my intention, I'm just trying to be honest. What I'm trying to say is this: There's no point worrying about the things you can't control, no amount of worry is going to help. The things you can control, conversely, these should be approached in a mindful way so as to extract as much joy as possible. When you truly realise the power of this thinking it's very positive. You can spend all of your time doing joyful things instead of worrying. I'm pretty sure we all want that.

When I have to clean up someone else's ****, I do it with pride and joy. 🙂

Dave.

P.S. Your brain is soft and malleable, make of it what you will.

[DSPicableMe]

Yes, even with limitations on the type of labour job I can take on as it comes down to high intensity vs low intensity, I would still give most things a go. What I mean is because of the fatigue from sleep aponea, I can burn out rather quickly if the job was high intensity. I was ejected from one of the major charity job agencies recently because I said I couldn't just do *any* labour job, they of course pulled the Mutual Obligation Act on me and only quoted the 'you must do any work offered' part that suit them, ignoring the provision for disability. They exited me shortly after. It's gardening vs unloading a truck or working on a building site, fatigue can be a big OHS issue.

No, no emotions evoked. I however will be physically tied to my location for various reasons after my mum is gone, but I will feel relief, if only because I won't have another person making me feel like a failure or disappointment if I don't do what they want, even though that eased significantly after getting on DSP.

Nope, I didn't find it callous. That ellusive emotion of happiness, I can't even imagine what that would feel like, but I would like to think the things that occupy me give me joy in some form. I am a strong believer in neuroplasticity. You don't really have to clean up anyones s**** as everyones s**** is their own.I do agree with the finding joy or happiness though. It's why I am making an effort to join mental health groups, as I believe humans are pack animals and not meant to be isolated or alone.

[Doolhof]

Hi DSPicableMe,

I too am sorry to read about your Mum and her cancer, and your friend also. From what I have read it sounds like you have been through quite a bit.

I suffer from mental health issues and also trouble with my back which makes employment difficult. I am not on a disability pension as I am not deemed bad enough for that but do receive some support through a job agency associated with disability.

While I am looking for work, I have taken up some volunteer roles and mix with people that way. I have found it difficult in the region I live in to connect with any kind of mental health support groups, they just don't seem to exist. My volunteering is very important to me.

Is it possible for you to find some roles in your community you might like to do? I have tried things like Riding for the Disabled even though I knew nothing about horses and have joined the local fire fighting volunteers, even if I am just cleaning the station it is something to help and I am with people.

Happiness, I am learning I need to create that for myself how ever I can.

Cheers from Dools

[RationalDave]

DSPicableMe, I'm really glad you're able to approach all this with a rational mindset, it's another powerful tool you can use to improve your mental state.

I get the feeling you're pretty honest with yourself, at least consciously, so, may I make an observation? On the one hand your original post appears to be conversational, a need to vent a little perhaps, but the more we engage in this discussion the more I feel that what you really want is someone to help you move in a better direction. Some guidance even? Another thing I observe is that under better circumstances you would probably be a generally very happy person. Awful though your current condition may be, you're still going out and pursuing activities to improve yourself. That's awesome!

OK, nobody likes to be preached at and the last thing I want to do is come across arrogant. However, I also feel that we have quite a bit in common and I can offer some tools, obvious though they may seem, which can help.

Here are some tools I use everyday:

• "Root-Cause Analysis"

• "Divide and Conquer"

• "Persistence Through Perseverance"

If you're interested in how they work I'd be very happy to elaborate.

Dave.

[Doolhof]

Hi Dave,

I would like to know more about the tools you have written about. They sound very interesting to me. I'm up for learning new ways of dealing with issues, so if you are willing, please share your thoughts and ideas.

Thanks in advance for teaching this "old dog" some new tricks!

Cheers from Dools

[DSPicableMe]

Hi Doolhof,

Yes I also did quite a bit of volunteering at the start, perhaps in a direction I shouldn't have as since IT is my calling that's what I volunteered to help out with, I 'volunteered' at an online centre and it got to the stage where they were calling me in to fix issues like I was an on call Dr, I enjoyed it at the start but they had their own IT, they just weren't there when needed. I also last year volunteered to help out a community program, again fine at the start, I helped them with their web site, domains etc, then I was still getting emails over a year later after I had moved across state asking me to log into a web site and back up the database, run security updates. A year earlier they wouldn't give me the admin password for the site to run said security updates, because they said it was a security risk to give a volunteer the password, I couldn't get through to them leaving security holes in their web site is actually more dangerous... I go from feeling good about helping out to feeling like I'm being taken advantage of, especially since I told them why I was leaving and that I wanted to find paid work. I always seem to end up being treated like an employee. I think if I was going to volunteer again ever it would have to be either somewhere that would move me in the direction of paid employment or in a volunteer position completely away from IT. I would like to do something outdoors, gardening etc.

In regards to mental health programs, I've just been invited to another one, I don't know if it's because they think it would benefit me, or because they are stuck for numbers. It's fine though, even if it's for funding they wont threaten me though centrelink if I don't go, which is why I will go. It's very similar to the last one where I was the only non-staff member in the group. It seems part of the problem with these groups is that people are a bit apprehensive of going to one. If you dig deep enough most people have some kind of mental health issue, if it's just being anxious, or just depressed over the state of the world.

Hey Dave, Those tools actually sound interesting, if you can elaborate it may be helpful. Divide and conquer may be more manageable for me now days, it may be similar to what is used in programming, breaking tasks into smaller tasks to achieve a goal.

[Doolhof]

Hi DSPME,

Hope you don't mind, I have cut out part of your title, makes it seem a bit more hopeful now.

I hope you are able to find a volunteer role where you do feel appreciated and not used. Over the decades I have been lucky enough to find some roles that have led to paid employment. Like you, some places have not worked out well at all.

At present I enjoy the 3 places where I volunteer now.

My Employment lady has me doing a computer course at the moment so I will see what happens after that is completed. I need to wait at least 4 weeks to have my assignments and tasks answered, so I won't know if I am providing enough detail in my answers for 4 weeks!

Out of Dave's toolbox, "Root-Cause Analysis" sounds interesting to me. It would be good to get at the source of my issues and learn to deal with them better.

Part of my issue is lack of sleep due to physical pain that just doesn't seem to want to go away. It is hard trying to start the day in an enthusiastic manner when you body is already aching, you have a headache and you feel too sore some mornings to even get out of bed, let alone have the mental health issues to consider.

Ah bother. Onwards and upwards right!

Hope you have a good weekend and have some nice things planned.

Cheers from Doolhof