Work worsening depression or depression making work hard

[Jeff42]

Is there some way to identify whether a job is worsening depression or whether I’m finding work difficult because I don’t have the coping strategies. My job situation is good. Excellent income, flexibility, I can work from home and be with my children. The work isn’t hard but it isn’t what I ever planned to do. Multiple promotions brought me to a middle management role that’s very processed based. It’s a competitive environment but I feel that if I was well, I could just do the work and not worry too much about the politics. It would let me be happy that I could spend a lot of time with family as I can work from home. I’m scared of leaving and discovering Thi Gs weren’t too bad once I’m well again and I’ve given up a good job and the flexibility my family needs. At work I am hyper conscious of every email I send, everything I say and how it might come back. I double check everything I do in case there are any mistakes and meetings with my very lovely boss are a central cause of stress in case I’ve done something wrong. I took a large break of leave which my company was really good about and felt good when I returned but all slid downhill again

I don’t know how to know where the line is between being sick and things being hard and something making me worse

[geoff]

Hi Jeff, and thanks for coming to the forums.

You have asked a very good question, and firstly how often do we check the emails we send in fear of saying something that we didn't mean or worded incorrectly or perhaps it's taken the wrong way, quite frequently, because the latter often occurs for me.

The point you have mentioned is that you have taken a large break from the company but when you returned it's all 'slid downhill' answers your own question.

The position is a difficult one, it's certainly not easy and may cause pressure on someone who is feeling 'sick' and will make 'things too hard' for you, especially if it's not what you had planned to do.

I can't say what to do but I know working from home would be lovely, however, will there be a temptation to increase how you are feeling now.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Jeff

Sorry to hear that things are presently going in the wrong direction for you. I think it's really important to do what you can to stop the "slide".

I'd suggest first talking to your treating doctors and seeking a treatment review.

I also don't think it would do any harm to have a look online for another a job. You don't have to rush into anything but it's possible that there is a better job out there for you. See if just the act of looking brings any relief or makes you feel worse. Might give you an insight into what's happening and why.

I understand your current job offers some terrific benefits but they won't matter much if you're unwell, and if this is a case of trying to squish a square peg into a round hole it's really not worth it.

If you feel like it, please let us know how you get on.

Kind thoughts to you

[Jeff42]

Thank you Geoff, thank you summer rose. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. It’s very heartening. The observations that you’ve made have been great - especially about feeling better when I’m away from work and the advice to just look to see what’s out there. I’m just so scared that it’s me. That nothing is wrong with my job - just something wrong with me.

Finding these forums has been wonderful. I didn’t expect the kind, thoughtful responses that I received. Even with people around me, this is so very isolating.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Jeff

So nice to hear back from you. Thank you for posting.

I want you to know that there is nothing "wrong" with you. Along with millions of other Australians you are unfortunately experiencing an illness. Please know that with the right treatment most people do recover from depression.

I can understand how isolated you feel because I have felt that way myself. Sometimes I think the stigma and isolation is worse than the illness. And it's so ridiculous, as everyone with an illness-physical or mental-needs kindness, care and support.

It's going to take a bit more time before everyone is comfortable talking openly about their mental health. The beautiful thing about this forum is that you will find non-judgemental support here.

Courage to you

[Alexander_Horse]

Hi Jeff

Everyone is different but I thought giving up my career was the answer so I could address other problems. But I loved my work, sounds like you do too, and I almost immediately spiralled into deeper depression and became suicidal. I had to go to hospital.

The thing was, once I left my job all I was left with was the problems and my depression. Plus a new problem of being unemployed. Work had kept me sane.

As I say, everyone is different, but think about it carefully. In my case resigning was actually a flight response, to run away, not a solution.

My story so far is on the self harm form.