Work-Money-Family-Responsibilities

[MusicSciencelearn]

Hi - new to the forum - hope to get a few ideas from the group.

I've was diagnosed with chronic depression about 8months ago and suspected of having it since late primary school (22years ago?). Due to severe bullying through-out school, I developed poor social skills and was quick to anger; getting into fights regularly (more like me crying and swinging punches). I consequently used video gaming to hide from life's anxieties/fear of people [currently working on reducing gaming - taken a long time to connect with how problematic it is]

Maybe took this long to get diagnosed due to

chronic low-level depressionbut also having a child recently to really see how sensitive I was to stress (especially baby's crying).Managing better with medication for 3months now - might be due for a dose increase.

Been very stressful lately with

suicidal thoughts creeping back in - moving house for work (both of us) and low on money. I've been slow to look for short-term work -both out of fear of 'blokey' workplaces and my resume screams Temporary! I'm a new casual educator (looking for full time now) so I haven't had much work over the holiday, except working for my Dad’s trade business.

Guess it's been a hard road coping with being a dad (love my daughter 🙂 but living up to the responsibilities I've never really had before - both sustained work / income / family / relationship + my own time that isn't Gaming...

Luckily I don't drink very much (2 drinks a WEEK) or use drugs very often or have ever of that matter (am I in the minority?) – someone accused me of being all straight-edge once J I guess I'd like to hear what others have experienced - I know comparing isn’t that helpful so I'll try not to 'measure up'.

Also tips on managing gaming - motivating myself or goal setting as well - any ideas on that would be appreciated. Any advice I'd like to hear - I'm better now to have written it down (given my girlfriend too much stress already) so thanks for reading and hope to hear from someone. Cheers

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[White_Rose]

Dear Music

Welcome to BB. I think you will find lots of support and advice. It's good that you can share your story with us.

You are correct, comparing is not productive. But hearing the stories of others can be useful. At the very least you know that you are not the only one in your position.

I see you are taking the same AD as me. It's about the only one that has had a positive effect on me without horrendous side effects. I hope it works well for you.

Starting your family can be enormously stressful.  So many new responsibilities which can be overwhelming at times. Sadly there is no shortcut, we learn by doing. So remember we are all in the same boat in that regard and try not to be hard on yourself.

Are you receiving any professional help other than the docotor who prescribed your AD? Not that it matters if you are getting all the support and help you need already.

Are you a teacher? I'm not clear from your job title what you do.  I can appreciate you would like a quieter and more settled workplace that is not 'blokey'.  The work environment can have huge effect on how you work, both positive and negative.

Gaming is the same as any addiction so I presume that giving it up will be difficult. There are people who write on this web site who can talk to you about this. Though having said that I admit I find comfort eating to be my downfall.

One of my strategies is to find distractions instead of eating. For example, playing with your daughter (unless she is asleep, in which case your wife will probably have words to say). Go for a walk or enrol in the local gym. Are you interested in gardening? I find physical activities are best as you are using your whole body rather than sitting reading a book or similar. For some reason these activities are not as successful.

Have you considered voluntary work? Two potential benefits. One, you are getting into the workforce and getting used to regular hours. This will help your frame of mind and also your social skills. The second point is that volunteer work can lead to paid positions either at the volunteer centre or another workplace. Showing that you are prepared to work, even though unpaid, can be a big incentive to a propective employer.

I hope you will get back to us Mr Music.

Mary

[MusicSciencelearn]

Sorry about the weird sentence breaks - wrote it in Word so might be the cause.

Yeah I've been to see Psychologists regularly for the last 2 years or so (and a counsellor before that). The one I have now is quite good - getting me to work on ACT and 'Circle of Security' therapies.

Guessed it - I'm a teacher, graduated mid last year. Without doubt what precipitated checking if I had depression was intensive study plus a new baby causing a resurgence of aggressive behaviours. My gf is a social worker so that helped immensely.

My girlfriend and I comfort eat - constant battle lately due to higher stress. I train in Karate (not as frequently now) so I need to get some exercise elsewhere jogging or walking.

I'll look to the other forums about gaming addiction then ? All good

Volunteered a bit over the years in several roles - kinda need money at the moment! Understand the reasoning since I did get a job out of volunteering with Qld. Museum several years ago. I may have to volunteer if things get more desperate.

I'll be returning to work hopefully when school returns - just don't know how much work it will be at the start of the year with all the teachers returning but I'll have to see.

Thanks again and talk soon.

[white knight]

Hi MSL, welcome.

Socail media addiction is in plague proportions. We attedned our nephews 12th birthday on Saturday last. He had friedns there at the table along with several adults. We were enjoying his birthday- where was he? in his bedroom on computer games. I was outraged. Our present to him lie on the floor, he put it there, didnt open it and went back into his room.

But I was more angry at the parents. Constant threats "I'll pull the plug out". It never happened. So I did. Wasnt the most popular uncle around but respect is a basic right we demand in these circumstances.

And so it is your issue here. You have to be that determined uncle to yourself now. It's easy. You collect your games, controllers included, place them in the rubbish bin and take the bin out to be emptied.

Self discipline is the best discipline. The time you used on computer games you can put into vegetable growing. It will help your family in health and finances. Renting? Build some transportable pots, even on castors. Be productive.

My daughter now 25yo is a teacher in Victoria. She has had the toughest time getting work. But she leap frogs a few schools and got a couple of references and this year it is highly likely she will get ongoing work- permanent. Be persistent.

Mary wisely said- "dont be so hard on yourself". Parenting is something that gets easier as time goes by. Always strive to better yourself and mature along the way. Set your priorities wisely and be firm with each other- eg comfort food. There is sugarless chocolate, low fat custard to mix with berries etc.   You know there are ways to cut down and eat sensibly (as I do) but it isnt easy. Get into good habits.

And good luck  Tony WK

[Zeal]

Hi MusicSciencelearn,

Welcome to the Forum 🙂

I’m sorry that you were bullied during your school years. I wasn't bullied, but I can relate to having social difficulties during the school years.

Video game addiction is really unfortunate. A friend of my family had a serious video game addiction. He would have been about 16 at the time, and it was completely controlling his life. One day his Dad pulled out the game card (for World of Warcraft) and disposed of it. His son didn’t talk to his parents for 2 months! However, this saved him. He was able to study in Year 12 and get great marks, and now he has graduated from uni. So getting rid of something “toxic” and addictive is sometimes the only way, like White Knight said. Try to replace your favourite pastime (gaming), with other hobbies and activities. I know this is easier said than done, but it does need to be done. It’s good that your medication is helping. Make sure you follow the exact advice your doctor gives you if you decide to increase the dosage.

Having kids is such a challenge. I don’t have kids – I’m only 22. I babysit a lot though and it can be quite tiring, though I get to go home and have time to myself afterwards.  Having a newborn is demanding, and the first few years are a little harder, understandably. Is your girlfriend handling the pressure well?

Make sure you tell your doctor about your suicidal thoughts (sorry if you have already). Not drinking much and not taking drugs is great for your health, and also for your finances. I don’t drink at all, and have never used recreational drugs. Even if we are in a minority, in this case it’s a good thing. The person who accused you of being “straight-edged” could just be envious of your willpower, or they could just be teasing. Regardless, don’t let that get to you.

I find writing lists of things I need to do and remember to be really helpful. I type things on a Word document, but you could do it in a notebook or on your phone. Do what works best for you. I have a paper diary, as I like the simplicity of it. Being organised can help you to feel calmer and more in control of your environment. You could organise your bedroom, getting rid of items you don’t use or need, and storing your belongings neatly. You could do one room of the house over a weekend. Physical clutter is distracting and makes it harder to find things. That’s just an idea, and has worked for me and my family.

Best wishes, SM

[geoff]

dear MSL, whow there have been some powerful replies back to you there's not much I can add, but I know when you have an addiction it's always at the back of your mind.

You could be walking past a shop and your eyes get hooked onto a video game, simply because your looking out for these types of games, or you walk into a big department store and the first thing you do is find out where these games are, your not interested in the clothing section or where the crockery is, so perhaps I can explain it much better with an analogue.

Someone who has stopped drinking, by themselves, has to be able to walk passed a bottle shop or pub without having any temptation of wanting to go in, so you have to train your mind not want to check out the video games.

I can understand why you don't want to work in a 'blokey-situation' which stems from being bullied at school, so this plus your addiction and suicidal thoughts are very important to discuss with your doctor.

Please let us know how you get on. Geoff.