Depression- makes it near impossible to be around others.

[Alistairs]

Ok just throwing words out on to paper.. Here goes. I have suffered from social anxiety for many years, since I was at uni when I was 18. Now I am 28 (eeesh).

Sometimes I think it is the case of the chicken or the egg in terms of depression leading to social anxiety or the other way around. For example, if I experience depression, it makes it very hard to be around friends or family because I lose interest in connecting. It is really hard to talk, string sentences together, laugh, keep up in conversation. And it is a drain, because cognitively you are not alert (really bad short term memory) and it is hard to muster the fake enthusiasm to have anything to say. I find that to be a real battle, when I am deeply depressed, I lose interest in most things and it is very hard to connect and feel passionate about these things. When it is so hard to talk, it places a big strain on relationships, significantly when meeting new people and when you are so low on energy, the likelihood of people not understanding why you are withdrawn (even trying as hard as possible to put on a happy face) is high, at least for me. I notice that my relationships are really strained when I feel depressed and it makes me embarrassed. I can't connect with my friends and family, let alone strangers. And then you become anxious about socialising because it often doesn't go very well, it's draining or you come across disinterested.

 This anxiety then makes you feel more depressed because you feel trapped in not being able to connect. I know this sounds quite defeatist, but this is what I am struggling with at the moment. I am experiencing depression because I am finding it hard to connect with people and this also fuels anxiety in knowing that speaking to people is often not going well because I am so clamped down cognitively by depression (not being able to concentrate or muster up excitement).

I feel really trapped by this and it is hard to get out of this cycle of loneliness of wanting to connect with others, but knowing that you are not in the state of being able to truly connect because of the fog. This awkwardness leads to a lot of rejection. Which encourages me to stay where it is safe. Especially seeing as though I have pushed many people away and have caused myself to become quite isolated.

Just thoughts on the page. Sorry if it is long winded but I got it at least out of my head.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Alastairs

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

I hear you and understand all that you’ve posted.   I’ve actually thought that I must come across as being slightly weird with regard to my partners family when I am very distant and uncommunicative at family type functions;  and as you’d know, I’m not meaning to be, it’s just the whole social scene that makes things so uncomfortable.  So I’m hearing you loud and clear on all that you’ve posted in regard to that.

May I ask what mechanisms you have in place for providing assistance and support to yourself?   GP’s, counsellors, possible meds, etc?

You have mentioned friends, relationships and family;   but from what I’ve read, it doesn’t sound like you’re getting all that much assistance with any of those options, which in a way is quite sad.

I do hope you’re able to get back to us to give us a little more information, so we might be better informed to help and try assist you.

Kind regards

Neil

[zailleh]

Hi Alistairs, welcome!

I can relate to you quite a bit. I've got Depression and symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder (Essentially, fear of social rejection) with comorbid Paranioa.

Talking with people beyond the pleasantries is extremely difficult; not only am I overly concerned with what people might think of things that I might say, but I have very little to say in the first place because of the depression having reduced my passion and excitement for anything in life to nearly zero.

 For my, my only solace is getting out and doing things with the close friends I have that I know are not at all judgmental. I feel more comfortable and free around these people and I'm able to be more myself; and by doing things (such as rock climbing, canyoning and other physical activities), I'm able to avoid too much in the way of conversation and thus I get a bit more of a connection.

Like you say though, it's difficult to do these things during the bad times with depression where you've got no motivation to do anything.

Some other things that I like doing are going to lunch at a quiet cafe with just one or two friends. Having the situation not be one-on-one allows the others to carry on a conversation that I can participate in and don't have to think of things to say to continue the conversation.

I know this isn't extremely helpful, I'm quite new to dealing with this myself as I've only just been diagnosed and had no idea about what any of this was a month ago.

Additionally, being on the right medication can reduce anxiety and make it easier to make the first steps to getting out and taking part in things. Don't know if you're on anything at the moment but you should speak to your doctor about it if you aren't.

Regards,
Zailleh

[Zoomah]

Ditto that all has been said. I've always felt like I was uninteresting to talk to. This wasn't a problem because I just pushed past it until I had depression. Now I can't stand meeting people unless I'm really really good friends. I feel I've lost a lot of my friends in the last two years because I get so nervous around them. The only people I can converse with without feeling like I'm constantly being judged is kids and old people. People my own age I avoid like the plague. Even though people tell me I'm interesting I just can't believe them.

[grumpypoppy]

Hello Alistairs,  I sympathise with your depression and anxiety. I am a sufferer like you, but about 21 years older. An old friend recently invited me to his 50th birthday party. But my fear of meeting and socialising with people caused me to find an excuse not to attend. My guilt later was quite painful. That is what brought me here to Beyond Blue. To find help and my own voice. Thank you and good luck on your journey Alistairs.