Why is my new manager doing this to me?

[Iamfindingaway]

Hello everyone,

I'm a new member who's looking for a strong support system. 

I've been employed by the company for over 16 years and throughout my years of service this is the first time I've been told I'll be performance managed. 

I've been in the team I'm in for 4.5years and in that  4yrs I received good constructive performance review not until within the past few months since my new manager stepped in my performance began to decline. In my mid year performance review my manager gave quite a negative feedback. 

To begin with, this team I'm in is totally outside my area of expertise. No proper training or mentorship was provided to me. Not a day goes by that I learn something new about the job.

I'm completely distraught of the fact that my manager's expectation is that I should know everything. Even when I have clearly express my view of my knowledge gap. I struggle everyday and it makes it even worse when my manager talks down to me, has undertone when she gives feedback, and does not do anything to help me develop. Any help she provide is always thrown back at me as if I'm wasting her time.

I have taken many sick days compared to past years. I can't cope of her behaviour towards me. 

I suffer from depression and anxiety, and ever since all this started happening my mental health state is rapidly deteriorating.  My manager knows my medical condition but is not there for emotional support. She made it clear to me that we are to interact professionally. 

What is happening to me right now is doing so much damage internally. 

I don't want to resign because the company has been good to me eversince except for my manager.

I don't know what to do!

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing at work. It sounds incredibly challenging to be going through performance management after 16 years of employment, especially when you've received positive reviews in the past. It must be disheartening to feel like your performance is declining, particularly with a new manager who doesn't provide the support or understanding you need.

I also think it is a little unfair for your manager to expect you to know everything, especially when you haven't received proper training or mentorship in your current role. It's also disheartening to experience negative feedback and have your manager talk down to you instead of offering constructive guidance and assistance.

You said that you did not want to resign. And this shows loyalty to the company also. Is it possible to discuss your concerns with someone you trust within the company, or is there a Human Resources department or a higher-level manager, who may be able to address the situation and provide guidance or mediation.

You deserve a supportive work environment where your efforts and challenges are acknowledged and addressed appropriately.

Lastly, I just want to mention one thing from my own story ... there have bene occasions when I feel I people (or one person in particular) have spoken down to me. My psychologist and I spoke about this (well, I had homework) and much of it is a reflection on the other person. And there are things that are said, that are triggering to me. What I am trying to say is that rather than working on themselves, they project their own issues elsewhere.

Not saying this is happening to you, but worth considering. After all, you are doing the best youy can and that is call that can be asked for?

[Croix]

Dear Iamlost~

Welcome here to the Forum, I hope you get the chance to look around and get to see how others have handled similar problems.

It is amazing how just one person can upset the apple-cart and make such a horrible difference in one's working life. Frankly it sounds to me as if the fault is hers, not you.

16 Years with the company is a very long time, and if during all but the last few months it has been smooth sailing than one has to see why things have changed. You have not, and you show a willingness to learn in difficult circumstances. One really cannot ask for more.

Performance management for any sensible supervisor is a tool to help identify areas where action might be needed, they should not be a threat or an excuse for a put-down. It's a supervisor's job to get the best out of staff in an encouraging manner. To do otherwise makes life too hard and one ends up in the situation you are in now.

You are doubting yourself, having to take time off due to the unkind pressure and even thinking of quitting. There is no way this is justified. It can also work against you if you simply retreat.

Do you have any form of recourse? Somone in charge of your supervisor or an HR section? I know in smaller firms this is not likley but I thought it worth asking. Also do you have anyone in your fellow workers who is on your side and a comfort to be with?

There is always a strong tendency to think you are all alone in this, and that might not in fact be right. For a start you may have family or friends that you can lean on, if not then perhaps a councilor who has experience in work related matters.

From your description it sounds pretty close to bullying, a nasty situation. However please have faith in yourself. 16 years counts for an awful lot.

If you would like to come back and talk some more that would be great

Croix

[Iamfindingaway]

Thank you for acknowledging and validating the pain that I'm going through.

Late last year I had the same homework from my psychologist in which I acted on. I had the courage to address my concern to this same manager of mine. I made her aware of her behaviour and how came across to me and I even reached out to our Head of.  Outcome didn't go very well, they made me feel as if I've misunderstood her and that I needed to accept feedback as such. I tried to explain my concern wasn't about the mistakes or errors I made but it was simply her approach manner. 

I'm at a stage of having another mental breakdown/panic attack but I thank my family and other people like my GP, Psychologist, Union rep and other colleagues who are there doing their best to empower me. 

[Iamfindingaway]

I appreciate your feedback Croix, thank you.

I have my family, GP, Phsycologist, Union rep and a small number of coworkers supporting me. And now, I also have members of Beyond Blue giving me strength to fight this. 

To be honest this won't be easy on my part. You are right my confidence is low and it has lessen even more since I began experiencing this issue. 

I have been bullied in past but didn't have the voice or courage to do something about it. I do strongly feel that it is happening again. This has been going on for months but I am so scared to say something because I have no proof in addressing how my manager is undermining me. 

Seeing an email from her is already causing me great anxiety. It makes me feel nauseous and I shiver. 

I CANNOT ignore the thoughts in my head anymore, it's there day and night and I can't shake it off.

It has crossed my mind for the first time that maybe its better if I'm gone so that I will get peace of mind. 

I have already addressed this thought to my GP, psychologist and Union rep.  

I'm really afraid this thought will come back again.

[Croix]

Dear Iamlost~

OK, I have felt exactly like that. When I was invalided out of my career, saw no future and had financial and other worries heaped over me. Now I have good life, much better than I could ever have thought at the time.

So why the difference? Two things append. Firstly I saw that my view was all about my troubles - as you would expect. However that filled my mind to the extent it made me forget all the things outside in the world, it was actually a much bigger place wiht music, travel, movies, family, pets and opportunities where I could be happy and fulfilled.

I would have found it hard to imagine at the itme, but true nevertheless.

Your being bullied, naturally enough, is the biggest thing in your life at the moment, but that is only now. It will change.

The other thing was I got angry, in my case with an an organisation, in your case a manager. Why should they drive me, another perfectly good human being, down to the extent I wanted it all to just end? They had no right.

It is no good a manager just handing out criticism, it has to be done in such a way that good come out of it. This is certainly not the case here, all it has done is make your life miserable.

You have a fair number of people on your side, lean on them and don't be ground down to the level you feel things are hopeless like happened to me, they are not!

BTW I'm not that keen on your name, that name is a reminder BUT in fact you are not defeated, maybe Iamfindingaway might be better?

I hope you feel like writing some more

Croix

[Iamfindingaway]

Hi Croix,

Today is the day I have been dreading - meeting on Performance management. 

I can't begin to explain what I'm feeling right now. It seems as if I'm having an out of my body experience. I feel all alone even though I have people supporting me. 

I don't understand why this is happening to me at work. I truly feel that I'm being punished and push out of my job. 

My mental health illness has gone from bad to worse. I blame myself for not being strong minded since the beginning of all this. Why I didn't prevent my manager from treating me like I'm an outcast.

I can't think straight anymore while working. Nothing registers, I feel like I'm no use to the team and I have not contributed anything at all to the organisation in my years of service.

No matter how much I fight this demon in my head, I'm getting defeated. All I know is I've been loyal, true to myself and remain kind and respectful to people at work. 

Even though I'm struggling with the learning, I continue to push myself harder. 

My manager has really done an amazing job in destroying my identity 😞

[Croix]

Dear Iamlost~

Waiting for something to happen is something I hate, and as it gets closer the worse it gets. You have my sympathy and understanding, and the fact you have had an almost out of body experience shows how much this is affecting you. It's not fair to have to go though this sort of torment.

By now I'd expect you have had your performance management session. would you like to say how it went? Your history with the company is a long and productive one, something you can take hold of and remind yourself.

I hope the session was reasonable and is over. If so I hope you are able to able to see more clearly how much you really do accomplish, all the time the session was looming over you the stress would have had a huge effect and stopped you from seeing yourself clearly as a worthy person.

Croix

[donmcgon]

Dear lamlost,

                     Being a manager for over 20 years I have taken employees through many performance reviews.

In my experience performance reviews are a tool for a manager and an employee to discuss their progress. If there are areas that need to be addressed a manager has a duty to ensure that the employee has the opportunity to improve in the identified area(s).

If the employee needs training or guidance then a manager should ensure that this happens.

To continually give bad performance reviews without giving an employee the tools they need to do their job correctly indicates bad management practice.

Furthermore an employee should never feel bullied in the workplace. I am glad that you have some support.

If you have raised your concerns with HR then they should attempt to resolve your situation. Your Union Rep should also work with and for you to ensure you have a safe work environment.