Why is it so hard for everyone to love me and be nice to me?

[Chloe_Bloomfield]

 What triggered this i know is the fact my job cut down on all my shifts so now im just a call in,.so the only thing that gave my life any purpose is no longer there to drive me forward. So I've fallen back into old habbits,.drinking to much,.sleeping all day and feeling like im worthless. This has triggered the flashbacks ,.all the mean things that have been said to me,.remembering just how many people i called "friends" and how they mistreeated me. I know i must move forward, i find this a challenging task though when there is nothing in my life to look forward too. All my life ever since i was young i was told how worthless i was and how i wasn't good enough,.even my mother would tell me how i want "that good" god she was a nasty  mother and people still to this day try to make me believe she was good to me cause she fed me and clothed me,..but they don't live with the memories of her that i do. I will never understand what it is that i do that makes people want to drag me down and point out all my faults. I have never had anyone in my life tell me of any good I've done. Its hard to convince yourself your a good person when you have had so many people drag you down. I am to afraid to meet new people because of the other people I have let in and have been bad to me. I am lost,.confused,angry,hurt and yet within all this negative emmotion i still have the dream of oneday being loved and wanted.. All i want to do is love and be loved. Why is it so hard for everyone to love me and be nice to me?

[Ruth_M]

Dear Chloe,

We're really sorry to hear you've had your shifts cut down. You're right, its really hard to stay motivated in moving forward when you are missing that sense of purpose for getting up each day. 

It also sounds like you've had a lot of experiences of being mistreated and neglected by those around you. It's really hard not to let this impact on our sense of self worth. It also sounds like this has led you to avoid meeting new people and 'putting yourself out there', in fear of further rejection, neglect, etc. Unfortunately this can become a vicious cycle that leads to feeling increasingly alone. 

So, well done for breaking out and posting on this site. Here you will find others that have also felt alone and worthless to others, but come to the forum to support one another. We hope you stay connected. It may be worth thinking about other small ways to gradually start putting yourself out there again. It can be hard to do this (risk of rejection), but it also sounds like you do really want connection and relationship with others...which is hard to find when stuck at home! Don't give up, keep reaching out, and stay in touch with us on the forum. 

With best wishes

beyondblue team

[DebA]

You are not alone xx