Hi Iron
Long term depression is such a brutal thing and I feel for you so much as you try your best to manage under the circumstances. The endurance factor in long term depression can certainly make it feel like an exhausting kind of hell on earth.
Sometimes it can feel impossible to find the reason/s for why we suddenly find our self in a depression. In a lot of cases, I believe there's a tipping point between managing certain factors all the way up to those factors becoming depressing. For example...
Mentally, we can be working with some belief system that hasn't been too damaging in the past. Maybe when we were growing up we were led to believe 'Sensitivity is a weakness'. That may expand to become 'If I tough things out and just get on with life like everyone else, I am strong'. Still not a problem until we become more sensitive. As sensitivity gradually develops, it meets with a tipping point where we may define our self as 'weak'. Change the belief system and change the perspective: Sensitivity is about 'Having the ability to sense easily'. So then it becomes 'How do I manage this ability to sense just about everything, an ability that feels more like a curse at times?'.
With the physical reasons for a depression, I personally found there's a tipping point when it comes to sleep apnea and B12 deficiency. When they reach depressing levels, their impact can definitely be felt. Whether it's sleep apnea, a vitamin or mineral deficiency (B12, vitamin D, iron etc) or something else, until it's addressed it'll continue to have a depressing impact. As a 53yo gal, I can tell you that the body stops being an energetic powerhouse that can cop any form of abuse and neglect and at some point starts being this thing that requires a lot of energy input and strategic management. With every cell in our body excitedly vibrating at a certain volume and frequency, not being able to 'feel the vibe' can definitely become depressing.
From a natural perspective, there is a soulful sense of inspiration, a soulful sense of personal evolution, a soulful sense of feeling life running through us etc. There is a tipping point where a lack of such things can be felt on such a deep level.
If emotion is energy in motion (e-motion), I've found it helps to ask 'Does it involve certain mental energy in motion or not in motion, certain physical/chemical energy in motion or not in motion or a natural/soulful sense of energy in motion or not in motion? Another way of putting that is 'What does what I'm experiencing actually feel like?'. Can feel almost impossible to get a better sense of things. I've found sometimes it can come down to a process of elimination, in order to figure out what's not a factor (through blood tests, sleep studies, eliminating depressing habits, counseling etc). Depression develops the detective in us, that's for sure.
