Feeling low about life

[Notanother30]

Feeling like life has nothing left to offer anymore, where all I find are things holding me back. whether it’s external, or internal based on the severe depression and OCD I experience. 

These days I feel a hopelessness that lingers into my days, where nothing excites or gives me anything to feel passionate about. My personality is so that I’m loyal to my responsibilities and I show up for work every day and never stray from where I am in life - which is one of my major problems as I feel stuck. I like routine I like being comfortable, but I’m depressed where I am. I experience social anxiety so it’s extremely difficult for me to really socialise. I work alone so I don’t form friendships etc that way. I don’t feel excited at the idea of joining any adult classes or activities because there’s nothing I care about. 

I feel frustration and anger with the injustice in the world, even little things like driving in traffic and people being mean.. particularly though when people are taken advantage of or bullied (major empathy because of what I’ve experienced). 

I feel so alone in the world. I work alone every day and haven’t had a real friendship since HS. My relationship of three years ended so many years ago and I can’t move on still because nobody makes me feel the same way (plus idk about other people but near impossible to get a match on any online dating app). I’m not beautiful I’m a 6 maybe. So that’s always demoralising. I’d love to move abroad but getting a visa is so difficult because I’ve only had unskilled work - so that makes me feel useless and unwanted. I hate that I’m not more intelligent to do anything meaningful career-wise. 

now I’m 30 I’m comparing myself to everybody, what/where they drive/wear/live and how attractive or sociable they are. I find comfort in staying home and going to work because there’s nobody to compare myself to as much, and going out makes me depressed because I always feel inferior or hate that I see the lives that I don’t have - like having a beautiful gf or wife - I’m so jealous and hating the world for the inequality. Now I know I’ve been on the other end of that and things have made people envious of things in my life. So I get it, to feel confident and maybe want certain things to help yourself feel better like a new car or large house. I just wish I could be happier and not feel so empty and hopeless in the world. 

I know things could be a lot worse, that I could be suffering from more or have even less hope or prospects for life to be good. And sometimes I’ll feel more appreciative and better about life when things are in perspective. I just feel for the most part that I’m unhappy. 

I get psych help but it’s never helped me more than the relief I feel for just talking about my issues. I’ll continue talking to counsellors/psychologist but I want change in my life too. My medication numbs my emotion or feelings so I can cope in my day to day life pretty okay usually - but nothing ever changes. And I feel like life has nothing left to offer to make me happy. 

[David35]

One Thing I've learnt through my depression is that what you see and what actually is are 2 different things. The person with the job, the girlfriend, nice home isn't necessarily happy. Likewise, the person without those things isn't necessarily unhappy. Instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing, chase your own values in life. Don't worry what others think. Thus will just distort your own values and lead your further down the pit of depression. Instead of thinking what you are missing out on, think of what you might have to offer. It's a different mindset that takes time to adopt.

[Notanother30]

Thanks David that means a lot. I’ve rarely chased my own values so that definitely rings true to me. 

I compare myself to others because I hate how unjust the world can be, so me wanting more for myself could be replaced with others having only what they deserve. So that there can be equality. 

[David35]

The world isn't fair. I worked my arse off for 5 years at uni obtaining 2 degrees (1 in mechanical engineering and a grad dip in IT). But a silly accident one night rendered me unable to hold an office job down because of my diminished mental capacity. One thing I've learnt through all of that time is not to compare yourself to others. It's just pointless. We all have different struggles, personalities, circumstances. A comparison like on social media takes none of that into account. So something I'm working on to combat my inherent feelings of worthlessness, life is passing me by, is to simply do something for yourself. It's not selfish. Even a car needs to be filled up with petrol. By doing something for yourself. The easiest way to beat the competition game is to not play it.