What am I supposed to do?

[Tomasjc]

I am a male in his 40s. Have been working around 12 years as a software developer and I have to say that I am grateful as I have it better off than most people because the job description pay bad an I am not exposed to the elements.

I have suffered from depression, ocd, adhd, migraine, but I think those are just aspects of the same problem. I tried several medications and at this point I am somewhat stable. Unfortunately I love my partner, I find her very attractive but both of us take medication and out sex life is non existent.

[Tomasjc]

Cont...

Having ADHD is really hard if you are a software developer. I find really hard to focus on one task, take double the time to finish a job and I need to write everything I am doing or I will find myself incapable to finish anything.
My pdoc gave a stimulant that worked fine except for that feeling of being high and getting anxious. Additionally, you are treated like a criminal when you refill your prescription as if you were purchasing heroin. After one year I had a TIA for which I blame the medicine and had to stop.
My current treatment includes drugs that are used and recognised worldwide as top of the line, but not in Australia which means I have to pocket out $300 a month and only a psychiatrist are supposed to prescribe them as, again, it is like you are purchasing uranium.
I have tried to have my GP prescribe them but they won’t, even when I know is legal, and the worst part is that for any mental condition they want to push a certain medication. You can get a prescription for this certain medication easier than a cold medication even when it will destroy your kidneys.

we have a world depression day probably, posters, tv commercials but at the end of the day this is only a poster you find on the men’s urinal. In real life you are lazy, attention seeker and ‘that guy’. I can’t imagine if my employer knew. I would be fired for my performance and the government will of course side with them. Disability is out of the question. You will be treated as a scammer and sent to seek a psychologist and do yoga.
What should I do? I can’t work anymore, I have no other way to make income, no place anywhere in the world. I wish I died. Not suicidal, just die instead of feeling trapped every day at work and taking pills each time I have a panic attack in the office. I take 10 pills after my stroke and probably my doc wants me to take additional medication just in case.
Should I just quit, sell my home items and sleep in the car, I think even being homeless is illegal in this country. Maybe if you are a male can be sent to prison and have at least food, treatment and a roof. I am only another ant that has value only until I can pay taxes. I can’t even start to imagine what is going to happen to me when I am old.
I am trapped in a dystopia. Can’t resign, can't live without meds, can’t satisfy my partner, can’t become homeless, can’t get PBS, can’t die, can't kill myself, can’t get disability, can’t even write more than 2500 characters. Only cheap medication.

[Tomasjc]

The ‘medication’ they want to push is that stuff to make batteries for mobile phones.

[Bill_-_been_there]

Hi mate - i know what it's like and what you are going through. i suffered from depression and anxiety for many years when I worked as an engineering project manager - and there was no one that I could tell because i was in charge of hundreds of men an millions of dollars - and if my boss thought I was under pressure or stressed or mentally unstable - I would have been sacked for sure or at least given a different job that was mind numbing. It was hard for me to take the medications because it changed my mood for the worse and it was harder to function. Eventually after much searching - I discovered that depression is affected by what was happening in the body - and so I used acupressure points and changed my diet to be more healthy and nutritional. Bothe of these made a huge change and i am pretty good now and no longer suffering or wanting to die like you spoke about. Yes - you may be surprised that millions of other people have the same feelings - so you are not alone. Search the internet for more about the gut brain connection and how it affects depression or reply to me here and I will get more information to you.