UPDATED: Hating every minute

[Quivz]

I've got no money, no job, no real friends who i can talk to about anything more serious than TV shows, am 31 living with my parents, no car, disfiguring psoriasis and a back problem that makes it impossible to stand or sit for anything longer an hour or two. I definitely have the problem of not being able to recall having felt positive about anything in years. All my friends have settled down and got married so i never see anyone anymore and I'm bored and lonely. I'm not suicidal, but i think that's only because i know what it would do to my mum.

I've tried to get professional help, but with no money i've just been run around the public system from incompetent to no english (or both) until I'd used all my free sessions and haven't even been diagnosed yet. Well i was once, but he was one of the incompetents. He was so computer illiterate he typed with only his index fingers at around 5 words a minute. He spent most of the session typing (that slowly) what i was saying into a translator, because he couldn't understand any of the words over 3 syllables i was using (I'm a uni graduate and tend to articulate using precise language), said i was definitely suffering from depression and then totally failed to save any of the documentation onto my medical records. I found this out because he told me to go back and see my GP about seeing a specialist as it wouldn't be covered if it wasn't the GP that wrote the recommendation. The GP told me i have to see a psychiatrist and be assessed first before he could make that kind of recommendation and was extremely unhelpful when i explained that the psychiatrist had sent me to him. I think he thought i was just trying to get drugs. And that was the best of all the free psychologists and psychiatrists i was able to see.

 I've been unemployed for ages and have no references i have been able to make contact with. I cant work in any form of customer service because having to deal with strangers all the time drives me crazy enough that i would rather make myself sick than go to work (i eat off food, or have nothing but dairy for days so that i get ill. I don't know if that counts as self harm, but if it does then i do that rather than deal with people constantly). And even non-customer service jobs where i have to talk to colleagues all the time makes me feel this way too (social anxiety/introversion?).

 I don't know what to do to stop feeling so helpless. I can't even see the same GP twice in a row cos i dont have a family doctor or anything like that, just a centre where there are doctors and the first one free sees you and they never want to deal with anything more complex than a sick certificate. they wont do anything about my back except recommend a physio at $65 a session which i cant afford. My psoriasis is slowly taking over my face so nobody who doesn't already know me wants to talk to me so i cant meet anyone new. My parents are the sort of people who think mental illness is an excuse to be slack or to take drugs and tell me at least once a week that I'm slack or useless cos i cant find work.

 I truly feel like I've been backed into a corner from every direction at once. I've tried to deal with things one at a time, but life just wont let me as the other problems demand attention before i can make any headway and i just end up feeling smothered again. Please tell me how i can help myself?

[Quivz]

Dropped from uni again. Couldn't even stay motivated for more than a month. 4th year of unemployment. Not motivated enough to leave the house let alone volunteer, so my employment status will remain that way since my cv reads like someone who died several years ago. Haven't spoken to anyone about my issues since i don't remember when... Maybe last year. So i guess that at least defines my next step as "go to the doctor, get new plan". But honestly i expect them to just try CBT again and that's been totally ineffective for me, so i'm not even motivated to do that again.

[Quivz]

Another new years and another birthday behind me and i haven't progressed at all. Still unemployed with no ideas what to do. Apparently when i left study last year centrelink overpaid me so when i tried to get back on new start this month i found out i owe centrelink 800 dollars, so now my payments are about 100 dollars a week for a while. I got the first one and haven't been able to meet requirements since so i have 0 dollars and about 500 dollars debt which i have no way of paying. I met a new psychologist and as soon as he said CBT i switched off and i haven't been back. So thats it for doctors and psychologists for now. It just makes me feel so much worse to have people keep trying the same things that failed the first six times and keep trying to tell me it'll work this time. Thanks to psoriasis meds i cant even eat food i like so the only thing i look forward to these days is sleep. And that isn't even a constant, since if its the only thing i look forward to, i quickly become used to it and it ceases to hold any value.

So in 4 years and some change I'm basically where i started minus a few hundred dollars.