Up and Down!

[nlboujos]

Hi! A bit about me and what brought me here. So I have had depression/anxiety/panic disorder most likely since I was young. There was a time when I was a little girl when my whole world changed (mum went back to work more, my brother changed schools, my best friend moved schools, I wasn't in the same class as my friends) and I ended up suffering from severe separation anxiety (I remember one time sleeping over at my friends house, and bursting into tears when mum pulled out of the driveway). I was taken to a child psych and eventually it sorted itself out. Next 15 years are reasonably stable (apart from the odd bout when being dumped by whomever I was with at the time). Fast forward to 2011 when I started a new job where unfortunately the Manager had issues of her own, and relentlessly bullied me everyday for about 6 months until she left. Got so low that I one day rang Lifeline, where my guardian angel said 'I used to be a mental health nurse, you have the symptoms of Depression/Anxiety/Panic Disorder, go to your GP'. Off to the GP I went, and away I walked with a script for AD's that I have been on ever since. Fast forward 12 months, and after making some life changes I am hit again. This time due to the stress of moving into my in-laws house. Once again I am back to the psych (EAP is amazing), and am asking my GP for increase in my dose of AD's (which I got). 2 years go by without an episode. My Husband and I get engaged and wham here it comes again! This time due to the pressure of planning a wedding. Once again back the psych and it all gets sorted. 18 months goes by, we move into our house, we get married all is well. Then my husband insists that I do a sleep study due to my snoring and constant tiredness. Turns out I have severe obstructive sleep apnea that means that I either have to have a CPAP machine for the rest of my life (I'm 30), or have massive jaw surgery to open my airways. I deal with it fine until I see the surgeon about 6 weeks ago and BAM! it's back again, and this time with a vengeance! I have being doing CBT with a psych, while waiting for the surgery (which will be in about 12 months time, as there is prep work that needs to be done) I have purchased a CPAP so I can sleep, and have had a med review with my GP who has changed me to a different SSRI. I have my up days (mum said I sounded quite chirpy last night) and my down (I woke up feeling awful this morning).

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

I have a cpap and its the best thing ever. It means not feeling tired in the arvo and no longer sore throats. My wife gets sleep now.

I get you though. Hurdles, swings and roundabouts. But I think you have difficulty accepting that this is how life is. Some go through life like a friend of mine I went to school with 45 years ago...full of health. Self made millionaire. Then ...cancer and not long to go. Now I'm the rich guy- I have a longer life than he.

What I'm suggesting is covered in a thread I wrote recently. Go to the top and press "new posts" then search the first two pages for "acceptance, the golden goal".

I grew up in an era that didn't accept mental illness . so, when I was diagnosed with ADHD then bipolar 1 I was shocked, then rediagnosed with bipolar 2, then dysyhymia then depression...oh and before all those ..anxiety and panic attacks. In fact my first panic attack was diagnosed wrongly as a heart attack. I was 31.

Perhaps that's why if I'm walking and breathing I'm happy and I dont mean to come across as condescending but these hurdles are typical of how some go through their lives.

This is a good example. Some years ago as part of my plans for a stress free life I built a house in the country. Bought a reliable diesel car, etc

Everything was done to minimalise stress. But ring a phone company about your service...on hold 30 minutes. Frost in November ruins my vegie patch, my friends terminal health, surviving on a pension, our ride on mower blowing smoke...the list goes on and guess what, it never ceases.

Sure some steps can limit your anxiety and you are successful in getting treatment. Well done. The better approach however, as I've found out, is to expect the hurdles and deal with them when they come along.

Many people mask these stresses well. Most are going through the same as you but their reactions are less so they cruise through life better. So, your hurdles are normal but your inability to take them in your stride is a compounding issue.

Seek out the acceptance thread

Also google

Topic: do we expect a smooth road in life?- beyondblue

Topic: only the strongest survive, make it you- beyondblue

Hope to hear from you soon

Tony WK

[Kazzl]

Hiya nlboujos, welcome to the forum.

Firstly I want to say well done! I can see that you have been active in seeking help over the years, many people don't unfortunately.

LIfe throws some hard stuff at us doesn't it. And I know what it's like to get to the point where you think 'is this ever going to end!' and to feel like every time you get on top again something knocks you down.

LIke Tony said, this is life, for many people. How we deal with it as an ongoing thing comes down to first acceptance, as Tony said, but also resilience. Some of us are not as resilient as others (I'm not) and have to work to build our resilience up. Perhaps that's a positive thing you could focus on with your psych.

I suggest asking your psych, and doing some of your own research, about cognitive behavioural therapy and in particular building resilience. It's essentially about changing the way you think about things. You can't necessarily change the stuff life throws at you but you can change the way you respond to it and how you think about it. It's not an overnight fix, and it takes some work, but it is very worthwhile.

Maybe as a start do some googling, there are good sites out there with information to get you started.

Very best wishes

Kaz