Uncontrollable anger

[girl_interrupted]

It's funny the things that trigger our emotions. This morning I was waiting for an FBT and had been waiting nearly an hour when in walked 2 people who were bumped up the queue and I was told I had to go to another clinic because they were priority. I had already been fasting since early last night and had a terrible headache and also had another appointment I needed to be at. I was so full of rage at this point that I nearly knocked over the apologetic phlebotomist and stormed out of the clinic, stomped over to my car and drove off like a maniac. Don't know how I didn't crash my car but I was thrashing my fists against the steering wheel screaming and generally acting like a crazy person. I even starting pulling my hair out which I've never done before. I am so ashamed of myself for reacting like this. Just made me realize how bad my anger issues are and that I really need to do something about it. It's been brought up with different therapists but never really got to the core or worked out strategies that are helpful. Or perhaps I just wasn't willing to take on all the advice. I tend to forget things a lot and I'm often spaced out and too exhausted to think. I also find it difficult to talk about stuff in person and seem to be better writing stuff down. I even tried online counseling in the hope this would resolve my face to face shyness but he kept asking me the same questions and it felt like a waste of time and money. I've tried mindfulness but I don't seem to be able to channel my anger in the split moment it grips me. I know I need help. I'm so upset right now I'm a total mess. Having no friends or social support doesn't help either. I hate who I am right now.

[white knight]

Hi GI, welcome

I totally relate to you as I was often the same when younger. I'm 60yo.

Lets put aside aging/maturity as one remedy because you can't speed that up. It will give you some comfort that things are likely to improve over time though.

I will mention that your action with driving off could be catastrophic if you hurt someone or yourself. It is little different to drink driving. Let's move on from that.

I have learned many strategies. Try to accept that humans make mistakes and we Do have high expectations of medical workers. Also they aren't mind readers in that, for example, if you don't tell them how are they to know you had another appointment? Some might even not realise you had fasted?? Eg they could have had a staff swap whereby the incoming nurse was unaware of why you were there.? I'm only pointing out the fact that we see things from our perspective not from theirs. If we spent 5 minutes in their shoes (and them 5 minutes in ours) it would all make sense.

Learn the art of asking questions. This makes the other person obligated to justify their actions. If done right it will put them in your shoes. Try to be calm and slow doing it...make the question have the impact not your temper because your temper gives them an excuse to blame you as you are displaying unreasonable behaviour.

"So, you do realise I've been fasting all night"?

" and with this delay you do realise I'll be late for my next appointment"?

"So can you tell me what to say to my doctor at my next appointment when I'm an hour late"?

" I know you are busy but I thought I'd let you know I'm not feeling well as I've been fasting for 12 hours"

Above all else I find that prevention is better than cure. This means better communication. That last example above is typical if what I'd ask if I realised I'd been put back in the queue. This question might trigger one of the following response's-

"Oh, OK I'll speak to the doctor"

"Yes we know but the other two patients have life threatening injuries, sorry about that, its unavoidable"

And so on. They might even admit forgetting about you which is OK, but at least you have achieved putting yourself back into their minds.

In the meantime read up on the www anger management ideas and when in a rage remember...give yourself 20 mins...it takes that long to calm down, then return to the surgery and start over. Explain why you were upset and give them a chance to explain.

They don't have an easy job, and they are human.

Tony WK

[Guest_1055]

Hey girl interrupted

You are not alone in this anger and frustration thing. I hear you loud and clear. And I also feel your frustration. Hitting on the steering wheel, yes I totally get that also. It is like this powerful force just comes out from within and gets expelled via your fists or hands or something.

It is okay to have these emotions, so I have been recently told. It is how we deal with them that matters. But I cannot give you much advice there, as I am just learning it myself.

I also noticed you said you were shy, well I am too. So maybe you are used to just bottling these emotions in like me.

Anyway I wanted to say I definitely hear you and if these emotions are scaring you at all, well you are not alone in that either.

In kindness

Shell xx

PS and as I am typing on this touch pad here, I can still feel frustration coming out in my fingers. ie pressing far to hard.

[Doolhof]

Hi Girl Interupted,

Anger. My goodness it can be a bit of a demon at times for me too. I don't always think to count to ten or to walk away. Sometimes my angry outburst is out of my mouth before I know what I am saying.

Tony has some great points, but when I am really flustered, feeling out of control, stressed and anxious, all those wonderful idea are way down on my list of things to do at that moment!

I have been told my a psychologist that I need to learn how to control my anger, but she had no suggestions on how to do that! Hope you find some answers!

When you find something that works, let me know. Ha. Ha.

Cheers form Mrs. Dools

[girl_interrupted]

Thank you Tony,

Unfortunately it was a case of pick a number (literally, I was number 10) and there was only one staff member for the first 30 minutes, then there were 3. I was quite happy waiting but had a pounding headache and I could see that there were others who were fasting as well (open conversations with a couple of them) so I wasn't going to blow my trumpet so to speak and say hey I'm special and above everyone else here.. but I appreciate the point you are making. It was just an unfortunate situation and they were asking most people to go to the other clinic. When I did go to the other clinic (after my drive) it was also full. I'm just a very impatient person at times so it's something I need to work on. I will try again tomorrow (hopefully won't have the same staff as I'll be mortified with shame) and I guess I'll start with some deep breathing exercises and see how that goes lol. Thanks for your support

[girl_interrupted]

Thank you Shelley. It's true, it's like an eruption of emotion and it's very hard to control. I guess the key is to practice mindfulness and know what your triggers are to better prepare yourself in those situations. I do bottle things up. I guess many of us do, that's the problem. I have never been good at communication. I'm questioning my whole career choice as a result. Sometimes I think maybe I should just do a night job where I don't have to deal with people and stress. But back in the real world... can't hide from my demons forever. I am considering trying a new psych. Thanks again for your kind words and sentiment.

[girl_interrupted]

Thanks Mrs D,

You're right, it is really hard to think straight, let alone react appropriately when something makes triggers our anger. My blood really does start to boil and it's hard to contain once it's set off! I'm sure my face turns red and you could literally see the steam coming out my ears. Lol. I actually have a stress ball which I keep in my handbag to help me when I'm feeling stressed or anxious etc. But so far it's not working coz I forget to use it lol. And realistically the only thing that's gonna work is probably some breathing exercises and practicing mindfulness. I've joined a couple of meditation groups. I'm at a point where I really need to do something soon. Now it's just a matter of me turning up and participating. I'm scared shtless coz I have severe social anxiety but hopefully I can at least attend one session and see how it goes.

[pipsy]

Hey girl_interrupted. I can really relate to your feelings of frustration and impatience. I had a similar experience recently when I approached my chemist about refilling my script. I discovered the script was a year out of date (my fault, there). I managed to acquire a fresh script, took that to my chemist and asked him about leaving it with him as I have a shocking memory. I also asked if I could pick up the medication this weekend. He agreed, I had an unexpected RDO next day, so decided to pick the script up. No dice, I was told that I had to wait a full month before this could be done as I had been given an emergency amount to 'tide me over'. I wasn't amused or impressed, so I phoned the Dr who basically replied that the chemist was right, I had to wait. I was angry over not being told about this policy. I didn't know to ask as I've never had this problem before. When we're not told, just expected to know, this is equally frustrating. The way I see it, when you decide to try something you've never done before, you should be told everything you need to know, so you know what to expect. It's not 'rocket science' it's simply basic logic. We often have people wandering in off the street asking about purchasing something on the spot. We can't sell immediately, there are certain criteria's involved and these are explained fully, so the customers are on the same page. Unfortunately, no-one's perfect, but once people are aware of things they need to know, there would be less anger and more help. Perhaps in your case a sign indicating 'unexpected emergencies could cause changes to regular routines', or 'if your visit is urgent, we would like to suggest you visit our 2nd clinic, our apologies for any inconvenience' etc. These things could possibly eliminate frustration/anger for patients.

Lynda

[white knight]

Hi GI

I fully understand and thankyou for getting back to us.

A thread that might be relevant is: google

Topic:supermarket shelves- beyondblue

Kind regards

Tony WK

[DV_Arjay]

What you need girl

Is some good social human interactions with family or old familiar friends.

Even a trip to the shops either coles or woolies. Having a form of small talk always brings happiness to me and calms me down because I somehow bring a smile to others.

Or do something you like. where you will most likely have other human interaction. Being.

Ball sports, Gym, signing up to a team, not knowing your age makes this hard for me to list stuff tbh

Or evwn Boxing. Get a punching bag or force yourself to do squats or lunges or sit ups when youre mad. Because it releases chemicals in your brain that make you happy and not pissed off.

When you were raging about your appointment. Even listening to your favourite songs qould have eases the annoyance.

Have a good one