Please help

[LostandScared]

I'm freaking out . I'm having trouble breathing, I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to anybody on the phone. But I don't know where to turn. I've been drinking and doing drugs for days, it's become a bad cycle, and I feel unsafe and scared. I'm trying to tell myself to breathe and things will change in the future, but I've done so many awful or dangerous things when drinking, a lot I don't even remember, but it feels like too much, and I'm scared the little bit of sanity I have left is going to disappear and I'm really going to hurt myself, and I don't want to, but I don't think I will be able to control it.

I'm sorry this is rambling and incoherent. I don't know what to do. I know a big part is not taking my meds all the time, and the alcohol and drugs. I've been seeing a doctor and a psychologist for depression, anxiety, BPD and grief counseling. But it's all become too much. I'm scared. I've lost everything over the past 6 months, and been using alcohol and drugs to cope, though I know it's bad. But even sober all I feel is either nothing or everything. I can't cope anymore.

[Shred1106]

Dear Lost and Scared

Firstly, you have taken a huge step coming on to the forums - welcome. This is one thing that can help.

I would also suggest if it is too hard to pick up the phone then go to the nearest hospital - just walk in to emergency and ask for help.

Or can you contact your doctor?.

I too am aware of how difficult it is to pick up the phone but it is so worth it, you are worth it. Do you have someone who can call Beyond Blue for you and start the conversation - the helplines are terrific are there is not judgement attached.

I went to hospital earlier this week and was really freaking out but I did it - and I am sure you can to.

There are lots of us who understand where you are at but it is also important to have someone with you just now..

Please take care and let us know when you feel you can, how you are doing.

[Kazzl]

Hello Lostand scared, welcome to the forum. You are among friends and fellow travellers here.

OK, first concern is your immediate safety. I understand you don't want to talk on the phone, and you're alone and frightened. I suggest you go to hospital. If you've been on a bender for days any further drinking or drugs could seriously put you at risk. Not just from suicidal thoughts but from physical illness. I know about this Lost, I'm a now-sober alcoholic. We sometimes don't realise how close we are to something very serious.

You need a safe place to dry out and, depending on what you're using, have medical care around you while you withdraw. I can't speak so much about drugs but if you are used to drinking a lot daily, sudden withdrawal can be dangerous, and you might need a supervised tapering off.

So please, get help. If you don't want to go to hospital, is there a sobering up shelter in your location? These are non-judgemental, caring facilities that will take care of you. The one where I live is free.

Dealing with mental health problems is hard enough, but trying to do that with drugs or booze in the mix is that much harder. For me at least it was impossible, I had to get sober before I could deal with my head. And of course, I was self-medicating, as you are.

If you can bring yourself to talk on the phone, please ring our helpline on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

If you're like I was at that stage you probably don't want to reach out to a 'real' person because you feel ashamed. Please, don't let that stop you getting help. Anyone you deal with will have seen it before and not judge you. And ... it's better to be alive and a bit ashamed than the alternative.

Here for you Lost, and wishing you recovery.

Kaz

[Starwolf]

Hi LostandScared, a warm welcome to these forums.

I'm sorry that you are finding yourself in such distress. Yours sounds like a complex situation. Negative things happening on all fronts at once do feel overwhelming. No wonder you are feeling swamped right now. It doesn't mean you are trapped. There are things you can do.

The easiest way to manage big problems is to break them into small pieces and deal with them one at a time.

Your safety is a priority at the moment. There's no need to struggle alone...there are times when we all need to unload some of the overload by talking with someone who cares and understands. Those who answer helpline calls know what you are up against and are there to help you find solutions to some of your problems. You'll be pointed in the right direction. Judgment doesn't come into it so please do not hesitate...you'll be surprised that a lot of good can come out of it. It does take courage but it would be a wise and efficient first step towards improving your situation. Keep in mind that whoever answers you call will have heard it all before...and some more.

Being a depressant, alcohol aggravates depression. The sooner you can ditch the false belief that self-medication helps you cope with reality, the more chances you have of initiating a positive turnaround. It doesn't help...all it does is give you a temporary illusion of escape. In the long run, it only erodes body, mind and soul. It depletes your inner resources.

Please take good care of yourself so that you can gradually work on managing your difficulties, one small step at a time.

BB 24/7 helpline (1300 22 4636), Lifeline (13 11 14), Suicide Call Back Service (1300 65 9467).

ReachOut Australia : au.reachout.com/Drug-Addiction

www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/topics/substance-abuse-and-addiction

With the right help and support, things can and will improve for you. Meanwhile, navigating the forums will reveal a treasure trove of caring, compassionate, non-judgmental people. It's OK just to let steam off too.

Here for you.