tired and unsure

[bob01]

Im writing this on zero hours sleep and a bunch of energy drinks. so im sorry if people struggle to make sense of this

Im 19yrs old and was diagnosed as depressed for a period last year. I went on meds and was refered to a youth mental health foundation called headspace. However going on medication made me think that I didnt need any of that anymore so I blew off my gp and the psychiatrist, which lead me to flunking my last year of highschool as I became less depressed however didnt really have any motivation to study because im lazy. more importantly I have coped with it by what others may think as a bit toxic and i cannot bring myself to the people around as id feel embarrassed being around them and about going back to the doctor because I effectivly ghosted him. Ive done all this rambling just to portray that I feel as if ive been stuck in an emotional cycle for the past 6 years of my life with nothing to show that my life is meaningful to myself as every day my mind feels empty

[Dean07]

Hi bob01.

Welcome to the forum.

Don't be so hard on yourself.


You would not be the 1st person to go on medication, feel better and come off earlier than was probably necessary. Your GP and the people at headspace will understand and be helpful.


Doing things and finding out what happens is how we learn. Sometimes they work out sometimes they don't but either way we learn something. It's far better than doing nothing at all.


I'm in my 60s and I do embarrassing things all the time. It's probably a good thing to get used to it as it is likely to continue.


I repeated grade 3 at school and it was probably one of the best things that happened. I struggled before repeating a year but this gave me time to catch up and I never look back from there.


Having depression makes it very difficult to study so don't be so hard on yourself as I said before. spend some time to get yourself sorted and if you still want to finish high school do it then. If it is university you want to get in to their of lots of other ways other than a high school certificate to enter university.

[bob01]

This goes in a bit more detail

Tbh Im not sure how I should convey my problems in these forms or even if I should so i guess Ill just say what im thinking. In the past ive felt sad and anxious, Ive been depressed before. Family members steped in as it affected my daily life. not that trying to stay in bed for three days strait would ever help me. Last year was probably the most problematic year of my life for me as I was diagnosed with depression (low grade), on antidepressants and in my final year of high school which I totally flunked which made me feel empty and lacking of purpose. I didnt want anyone to think i was depressed and dont think that it is really an important aspect of my life so I tried to hide it as best I could however staying up all night and keeping up with school ended up getting away from me. When I was on medication I felt Like I was functioning normally again so suddenly I stopped going to my GP blew off the suggestion of his to go to a psychartrisi and eventually went of thoes meds. now a year later Ive started to feel the same way through out the year and it got me wondering If it was just the night hours I work or If Its all going to happen again eventually.

I know that what im saying might cause some questioning as i skip around a bunch of topics and aspects of my life, Im just unsure how to explain the way I think as my mind feels blank. thanks for understanding and your perspectives

[Dean07]

Hi Bob01.



You sounds like you have a very supportive family which is a big help.


Unfortunately the final year at high school is given a lot more status than it deserves. It's not the end of the world if you don't do well at it 1st time round or even at all. If you want to work in a trade or other private business your leaving score may not help at all. If you want to go to university there are several other ways to get in. For example a bridging course or mature age entrance.


Hiding depression is not necessarily the best way of dealing with it. Unfortunately the word depression is used a couple of different ways in society. One is that I'm just feeling a bit down on the other is clinical depression which is completely different and something that needs treating.


Your GP's suggestion of seeing a psychiatrist sounds like a good idea if you are going to be on medication. Psychiatrists are doctors who have done extra study and a very skilled at prescribing and will adjusting medications.


Psychologists are health officials to help you deal with how to think about things. I found the combination of the to be very effective.


Good sleep and sleep hygiene is incredibly important. If you're feeling tired from lack of sleep all the time it can make even the most simple things difficult to deal with. I find that when I get a bit anxious or depressed I tend to stay up late because I don't want to tackle the next day but this is counter-productive as it makes next day more difficult to tackle.


My daughter when she was about 5 or 6 had her sleep phases shift later into the night. She was very cranky and tired most of the time and we saw a sleep clinician. For her the answer was to get up at progressively earlier times in the morning starting at about 730 going back to about 6 o'clock and having bright lights near her to reset her internal clock. I drew the short straw between my wife and I to get up with her in the morning. After about 3 weeks of this her clock was reset and so was mine. It's probably the best I've slept ever. If you get up at a particular time every morning it doesn't really matter what time you go to sleep. You will get so tired that you won't stay up.


It sounds like you are doing nightwork which has its own particular problems with sleeping. 20 GP about it as he may know of some ways to help with this problem.


It takes a while to get a handle on what is happening and why you feel depressed. Keep working on it is worth the effort.

[HappyHelper88]

Hi bob01 Thank you for your post and welcome,

Sometimes the medication makes you feel better but its like a bandaid that covers the problem it doesn't fix the longterm problem
Its pretty common to have unhealthy coping mechanisms as long as u are aware.
It is very hard to do things like go back to a doctor you ghosted or reconnect with people but your not the first person to do that, it is hard but once you take the first step it becomes easier.

Im glad that you are aware of your state and its never to late to make a start just take that first step

f you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, we’re on 1300 22 4636 or you can reach us on webchat here. Please reach out if you need to

[therising]

Hi bob01

Speaking from experience, there's nothing quite like hindsight when it comes to clearly seeing how your own depression played out - what led you in, what kept you there and what triggered you to come out of it. Of course, while you're in it, not a lot is clear or obvious.

I've found, 'To the best of my ability' and 'under the circumstances' can often be key phrases to unlocking the reasons for why things play out the way they do. Give you just a few examples

• To the best of my ability, I will try and function while on antidepressants. Under the circumstances of my GP not exactly explaining how they're going to lead my brain to work, I may misjudge how they're working. The meds may give the illusion that I'm cured or they may be draining me of energy, leading me to wonder 'What's wrong with me? Why do I feel so hopeless and lazy?' If no one gives me the ability to read how my meds are working or not working, I remain without such an ability and that's not necessarily my fault
• To the best of my ability, I will try and work out why I'm so depressed, why I feel so lost. Under the circumstances of having no solid guidance in moving forward as well as possibly having a chemical imbalance (contributing to depression) my abilities may remain limited
• To the best of my ability, I will work through year 12. Under the circumstances of sleep deprivation, exhausting and depressing internal dialogue, the limitations of online learning due to COVID lockdowns, some average teachers at school, few solid and strategic study habits and possibly a lack of dietary protein and the right physical and mental chemistry playing out etc, my abilities are seriously limited. So, technically I have done my best under the circumstances, debilitating circumstances

I believe, our abilities can change, they can develop. Under the circumstances of developing them through growing awareness and practice, they can go on to become quite natural (an everyday almost effortless part of our nature). When we've developed some of our abilities into something more than just natural, into something quite extraordinary, you could say they become super natural or incredibly natural.

Developing the ability to get a sense of what's depressing is a major challenge. Is it sleep deprivation, our internal dialogue, the exhausting or degrading people around us, lack of solid guidance, self questioning without the answers we need or all of the above happening at once? Can be a long list sometimes.