This can't be real

Nickname_7CEF15EC-F10D-4A · ‎03-10-2015

I've spent this whole year getting back on my feet and enjoying a slow paced romance. In the last few months I've gotten a new job, a car and grown even closer to my friend/lover.

I suffer from depression and anxiety, I do not receive medical attention and I'm not currently getting any therapy... I've said to myself many times to do so, but like most tasks it seems so hard to do.

Mostly things have been getting better and it has been great to connect with someone I feel really understand and respects me...

My friend/lover started with one bad day that seemed like a week. After a couple days of no contact which isn't normal, I reached out and asked how I could help... He asked me to forget about him. That he was depressed and hated himself. That he was gonna get help, but that asking me to forget him was harder than he could ever explain...

I offered to give him space but revised to simply forget about him.

I know that I have no control in this situation, but it has triggered every negative feeling in my while body. I'm a mother, a usually strong person, but I just feel so repeatedly rejected. This hurts even more because I've been so guarded and careful in this relationship and it was beautiful and felt very equally reciprocated... I don't know where to organize anything.

I feel a little better than crash, right back destroyed... I pray and pray... This can't be happening

DianeB · ‎03-10-2015

Hi,

I can't give you any advice but I wanted to say that I know what you're going through.

My depressed boyfriend acted similarly. We've been together for 7 months and suddenly stopped seeing me and talking to me because he said he needs to be alone and have is own space. He said he didn't wanted to be in a relationship anymore and we shouldn't see each other for a while. That's heart breaking. I said to him that I know he's in a bad mood and I'll wait until the storm is over. Since no news. I'm usually a strong and positive person, but I'm really in pain, it hurts knowing he's so low and imagining he will maybe never call me back. I still believe everything between us was true, I wait and hope. It's so difficult.

i'd like to help him, but I don't know if I can do something and what.

You're not alone. I send you all my compassion. Be strong and patient.

Not_sure · ‎03-10-2015

Hey there it's very hard as I was the same as you met this awesome girl it all moved fast we moved out looked getting married to nothing to I don't want to know you to fully blocked all calls not saying it's all her depression just left me wondering and no answers

Not_sure · ‎03-10-2015

Thanks yeah it's very hard I always told her no matter what she will have my support anytime anyplace and now I can't even contact her I did call her off a mates phone but she was blunt a rude and I was only asking if she had my watch as I moved out pretty sudden it just does not make any sense at all I know deep down she's not her self but what her sister and mum have told me she's fine I think that hurts more I asked is she hurting she said no she did say what we had was amazing and that she will remember it for a long time so that's telling u something I got called a border line stalker and she's uncomfortable like I'm don't get it not saying it's all depression but from someone that loves me so much to nothing doesn't make sense all she wants is her and her son no me around I even asked if she wanted to go back to her child's father but she did say no she quit work none of this makes sense and she won't even talk to me

DianeB · ‎03-10-2015

I'm really sorry for what you're going through, this must be very difficult and confusing.

It is so hard to understand those situations and even harder to keep hope. This may just be the illness talking, they're not themselves in those situations but it leaves us completely lost.

I'd rather imagine that it's over with my boyfriend, but something in me is still hoping we'll be back to our good days. But maybe what he said was true and he doesn't want to continue our relationship.

Not_sure · ‎03-10-2015

Yeah it's a hard one as we you and I are both hoping for something I know she said the same I have realised so much I'm not ready for anything with anyone then said its not that I don't want to be with anyone I can't then said trust me you don't want me in your life to fully blocking me see what I mean not one of mine makes sense and same as you for some reason we are trying to help even as mates why do they make us like the evil ones what ever I do makes her hate me more can they not see that we are hurting as much as them and care for them so much

DianeB · ‎03-10-2015

I read that they reject us to protect us and because it makes them feel even more miserable to think that they can destroy our life because of their illness. They don't want us to fall in depression with them, they don't want to make us sad and they don't want us to see them in a such bad condition.

They'd rather loose us even if they love us just so we could live a normal life.

Not_sure · ‎03-10-2015

True yeah I'm not saying my partners is all the depression but some the things I have read and knowing she has it it seems a lot towards it its just crap they won't bring us down where there to help just so hard as like I said when I call she's very blunt like I'm annoying her all she wants is her and her son not sure if that's like a safety thing

White_Rose · ‎03-10-2015

Dear Everyone

I am so sad for all of you in this horrible situation. I know it's of no help to say to say relationships do fall apart all the time, but when it happens because of depression or similar it really is difficult to understand. I would like to make a couple of observations to you all. These will not stop your hurt but may help you understand your various partners.

First of all please read everything you can find on the BB site about depression. Start with the blue tabs at the top of the page. Read what depression does to people and how it affects partners, how partners can help the affected person. Knowledge does not necessarily stop hurt but it does help to see why people with depression act as they do. More importantly, it helps you realise it's not your fault. The Black Dog is on the loose and wants to spoil the party.

Being depressed often makes person feel of little or no value. There is often a strong belief that anyone who associates with them will inevitably be damaged in some way. These are not rational thoughts or true but the depressed person (DP) cannot see this. Being depressed makes you feel you are living in a dark place on your own with no way out. Sure the person goes to work or school, interacts with family and colleagues and often appears the same as he/she has always been. The energy used to show the world this image is enormous and leaves little or nothing to combat the illness.

I'm sure you have all been in the situation of having a huge headache and behaving as though it was not there. Imagine that headache as constant but more as a migraine. Imagine how difficult it is to concentrate, think, smile, talk sensibly, make love. Multiply it by ten and you have something akin to depression.

So what can you do? Conventional wisdom says, go and see your doctor and of course many people do, often with a good outcome. But if you believe or have been told you have a mental illness the situation changes. Everyone has a their own ideas on how to get well, ranging from "Pull yourself together", "There's no such thing as depression", "It's all in your mind", "There are others worse off than you", " What have you got to be depressed about". Not at all helpful. And even if these words are not spoken the DP will add them in his/her own mind. Such is the power of public opinion.

So try to understand how your partner feels, and imagine how you would like to be helped. I welcome comments on my observations and hope they have some value for you.

Mary

Nickname_7CEF15EC-F10D-4A · ‎03-10-2015

It is very difficult and so new. It consumes me. The hardest thing is feeling this way and not being able to turn to him for comfort. He is my go to person. I feel so alone in this. Family and friends are great but it is draining to lean on them. I'm so stuck, I wish I could console him which would make me feel better but all I feel is rejected and alone. Crazy enough I understand why we both feel the way we do, but I van not apply it and get up out of this bed. Prayer is all I have right now. I pray you find closure too