Terrified: Have to aknowledge I got depression & anxiety but need to start new job.

[Beetle]

Hi

I just got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and put on meds. I must have suffered this for years even decades before beingf diagnosed, but got my symptoms in check with alcohol,selfharm,heaps of work and just abusing my body.

Now i finish uni and got job offers. YEAH. its cool to get job offers.But im terrified.

Problem: I know i got a problem but havent aknowledged that i have depression and anxiety. I cant get it into my head,

I want to take the really cool job. But it requires moving house.Away from friends, my beach and my doc and psychologist.

I dont know what to do. Should i stay and take the second cool job or push myself to go for the cool job?

Im so confused. Im angry that I have depression and anxiety. I want just go and be determoied as i always been. But now being on meds and being diagnosed im terrified that if i move house and leave all the good people behind that i might crash.

I feel i am two people: the brain ( wanting the cool job) and the body ( wanting to stay with friends)

I know i can only make this decsion. But i struggle. I dont know what to do. Should i give my diagnoses so much power to take a second offer job? Or should i ignore them diagnoses and just go for it risking I crash ?

Sorry for the rambling. My life is in a kind of mess at the mo.

Thanks for listening.

beetle

[Chris_B]

Hi beetle,

It sounds like you have two jobs to choose from that you both describe as "cool".  So your choices are, stay where you are in a stable environment with friends, medical support, the place where you feel safe and a nice job; or move away from all of that for a slightly nicer job.

I don't believe you would be giving your diagnoses "power" if you decided to stay, you would be making a decision based around your health and wellbeing, and ultimately your happiness.

[Super_Nurse]

Hi Beetle.

I guess you have to weigh up what you have to gain by moving away for the 'really cool' job, against what you stand to risk losing if you leave your securities by moving away for the 'really cool' job.  In either case, a Postgraduate job offer is pretty cool in itself!  Congrats 🙂

If what you could risk losing, outweighs what you would gain, then the choice is clear (well, says me who isn't in your position!)  Write a Pro's & Con's list.  And read it a few times over a period of about a week.  If by the end of the week your mind is solidly made up, then back yourself & go with the choice you have made.  The longer you hesitate & second guess, the more 'what if's' you could end up troubling yourself with.

And while sometimes it's unfortunate & frustrating that people around us can't 'see' our illnesses, make this work to your advantage.  Nobody will know that you are on medication for depression & anxiety should you take the 'really cool' job.  They will see you for your credentials.  And hey Sister, you just got a freakin' Degree!

'Make a decision, back yourself, and go with it!' 
(Said someone once very close to me, and that's probably the most powerful thing he ever said to me.)

Hope this helps.  Good luck!

[Beetle]

Hi Christopher HI super nurse

Thanks for your awesome posts. Both have helped me to "unfrazzle" my brain a bit.

Christopher I think i just havent accepted my diagnosis yet and struggle what is the right thing to do. The right for my health and the right thing for my future job prospects.Thats why i am so confused!I see the disgnosis as a punishment and that I should not give any notice to it since Its not part of me. Does that make any sense to you? sorry as i said brain is frazzeld!

At the end of the day I believe friends and a safe conmpfy spot with suport is more important than a cool job. My bloody 'career brain' gets in the way. urg.

As super nurse suggested I have made a list. I looked at the list 10000 times and it shows me clearly the super cool job gets less points. So it should be clear cut. I guess its bad timing to make such a decison with only half a brain working!!( i still wonder how the hell i managed to get a degree with half a brain and with 40!!!!)

Decision: I will take the slighly less cool job so I can stay with my wonderfful friends and enjoy the awesome lifestyle we got up here. I guess adding stress to a already stressed and depressed person is no good anyway.

While I am writing this I feel really stupid since I put my brain my " interlect' above the needs of my body.the interlect wnats the supercool job,. Thats what i've done all my life to survive- I had to abuse my body to keep alive basically. To listen what my body needs was never on the agenda since i always had to battle for survival.

So I guess I have worn myself out to the max and if im not careful my body might think of some more aweful things to stop me and slow me down.......

I dont trust my body much these days

Thanks so much for your helpful posts. This is so helpful to get views and ideas from others tom straighten out my frazzeled view of the world. Thanks so  so much 🙂 🙂

Beetle