hopeless and exhausted

[Grumblebee]

I was diagnosed with depression in 2010 just a few weeks before my wedding. Earlier that year I had moved interstate to regional NSW to be with my partner.  I was full of excitement and hope for the life my new husband and I were starting together. 3 years later and I feel like every decision I’ve made was the wrong one.  

I feel so isolated and lonely. The town we moved too turns out to not be very welcoming of strangers and despite trying very hard I still have no friends.  I couldn’t get a job in my industry so have been working in retail out of necessity and hate every minute of it.  We are in a lot of debt and can’t sell our house without doing major renovations and we simply don’t have the funds to do so; so moving back home is not an option.  

 About two months ago I was thinking about committing suicide at work. I told my husband, saw my GP who upped my medication dose and have been waiting ever since to get an appointment with a psychologist and psychiatrist because no one seems to have their books open to new patients in my area.  I’m exhausted and so unhappy. I feel like telling my friends back home to just write me off because I feel like the old me is gone and will never come back and the new me is a stupid, sad loser not worth having in their lives.

[geoff]

dear Grumblebee, there are so many occasions when this hell hole strikes so many people down, and just wipes them off from being able to function, and that's what depression does to us.

To be diagnosed with depression just before your wedding would have been a total shock for you and your future husband, but not by getting married would be enough to overcome this illness, although it may have temporarily with held it, but in the long term it would only come back to haunt you.

I am not sure whether you can approach the bank and explain your situation, although your husband may have to do this as you aren't feeling well, but he also  maybe feeling depressed himself, however explain to them that you want a rescue package, which may defer payments or extend the years to the loan.

I would also ask your doctor to write a letter to either the psychologist and/or psychiatrist pleading for you to see them, because your position is desperate.

Hope to hear back from you so that we can talk further. L Geoff. x

[Grumblebee]

Thanks for replying Geoff. I added my picture, I look all red and sunburnt but it's the best one I've got for now.

My GP managed to get my an appointment with a psychologist on the 7th because there was a cancellation. I feel like a total nut because I've gone from worrying I wasn't going to get an appointment to worrying about what the appointment will entail now I have one. 

I'm not really thinking straight at the moment (i forgot how to use a hole puncher this morning and broke down crying) so I'll leave it here for now.

Thanks again

[geoff]

dear Grumblebee, thanks for adding your photo, it's nice to see who I am talking to.

To break the ice with your psychologist just print off ( if you can )the first comment or write it down, this will get you over the nerves, and now that you are on their books he/she may see you again, and hopefully it's soon. L Geoff. x