Terrible Rut

Dean1 · ‎05-02-2018

Hi

Its been a while since I put my first post on this fantastic page but I seem to hit a low again, my test score was 34 I believe how tired I am I can hardly keep my eyes open. I am in a terrible rut and I cant seem to get out of it and its really getting me down, 2017 was without doubt the worst year of my life and I was glad to see the back of it.

I have been waiting for a basic procedure to be done its a umbilical hernia, I was retrenched so I could no longer afford private health insurance. I have been waiting 7 months, and I was told that it will probably be done in June. My marriage also failed last year as well, and that is really starting to hit home as well.

I always hear that you should talk to people don't bottle things up and I was doing that for a while but now I have become very reclusive. I found that every time I spoke about how I was feeling I was tearing open a old wound I hate the way I feel at the moment, if they told me I would die tomorrow I wouldn't bother me.

I know my problem isn't as bad as a lot of other peoples but I am in such a unfamiliar place mentally at the moment I'm not sure what step I should take next.

Why am I so tired.

Peppermintbach · ‎21-02-2018

Hi Dean,

It must be hard for someone who was brought up to think that you need to “toughen up”, etc to acknowledge you need help, and moreover, reach out. How far you have come...

I feel this is a great step forward as it takes courage to want to seek professional help, and then to act on it. Good on you. I’m glad you’re feeling ready...

You know, I thought that you described it very eloquently:

I don't know how to explain it but I know when its coming its like when you get a cold, I can feel something in my brain change its like it releases a toxin or something that just sucks the life out of me. I don't like I don't like what it does to me I am normally nothing like the person it turns me into to.

That makes a lot of sense. I can feel the sadness and frustration in your words. What a difficult place you must be in both mentally (and physically)...

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

White_Rose · ‎21-02-2018

Hello Dean

I do admire your fighting qualities. No need to have a spoonful of cement to start the day, you are strong enough as you are. Don't be discouraged, there are many like you and me who need help. In fact I believe it shows more courage to ask for help than to battle on alone.

Birdy's suggestion to go through the Find a Professional link can help you. Although it only brings up the names of medical practices near you there is a note about which are bulk billing practices. When you make an appointment you can ask to see a GP that specializes in mental health. You will be able to explore the option of medication.

If the GP suggests a referral to a psychiatrist please be open to the idea. You can be on a mental health plan which will give you up to ten visits to a psychologist and there will a bulk billing psychology practice nearby I'm sure. However, that's all you get. Seeing a psychiatrist costs a gap fee initially, but when your safety net kicks in you will have a dramatic reduction in costs. Each visit will cost less than $20. So please discuss this option with the GP.

Withdrawing from contact with others is a common reaction in depressed people. I know all about that. It seems safe and does not take energy you feel is barely enough for your day to day needs. Interacting with others does have a benefit as it provides stimulation for you. It does help to be with others even if you talk very little.

I hope you find a GP soon and start the journey towards mental health.

Mary

Dean1 · ‎21-02-2018

Hi

I have an appointment with a GP on Friday my friend who is a RN recommended him to me, I must admit I am concerned were the next part of this journey is going to take me. Its Wednesday today and I still don't feel anywhere normal I'm usually down for a day, I also have this numb throb I'm my head I wouldn't say its a headache its just a constant reminder something isn't right.

Yesterday I spent a long time trying to source a GP who deals with mental health issues, I wanted to speak to someone who is understanding of my issue. Is there a list of GP'S that have a good understanding of this, I guess I have had a bad experience in a bulk billing clinic where I felt like I was a meal ticket and not a patient.

Peppermintbach · ‎22-02-2018

Hi Dean,

The numb throb in your head sounds unsettling. So it’s probably good timing that you have an upcoming GP appointment. Good on you once again for booking it.

I wonder if you have tried Birdy’s great suggestion. Aside from that, I know some GPs list their “health interests” on their online profiles so I would suggest trying to find ones who name mental health as one of their health interest areas.

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

White_Rose · ‎22-02-2018

Hello Dean

Congratulations on finding a GP. Your friend probably has a good idea about suitable doctors. So first things first, see this GP and decide if you are comfortable with him. Remember it usually takes a few visits meeting any new doctor to feel you can have a comfortable relationship.

It's natural to be concerned about what happens next. I know you are concerned about taking medication and I agree with you. No one likes to take meds because it confirms that we are unwell. You may not need any meds or they may be useful, it's not something you can decide on in advance. There are lots of myths about antidepressants.

You will be taking them for the rest of your life.
They make you tired and constantly fall asleep.
There are all sorts of nasty side effects which will make you act strangely.
What will other people think about you.

I know when AD were first used they did get a bad press. Interestingly I take an AD from that first group and I have no problems. Prior to that I tried many of the more modern meds and found I was unable to tolerate the side effects. So yes, there are difficulties with some. I am just pleased my AD helps me. There is no 'cure' in pills, you still need to work on your depression and anxiety. AD really help to give you emotional stability and enable you to get on with making a better life.

Have a good chat with the GP if he suggests an AD. Talk about how long it takes to 'kick in', when will you start to feel any unpleasant side effects, when you will have a meds review. Many side effects disappear in a few weeks so it is best to wait and see but go to your GP if you are not happy. I have problems taking many medications other than AD. It frustrates my GP and me because the meds work as they are supposed to do but the side effects are unacceptable.

I suspect the throb in your head is tension. You are very anxious to get help but also very wary about the form this will take. Hopefully these issues will be resolved, at least to some extent, when you speak with the GP. However I suggest you mention the headache to him.

I also think it is tension that is stopping the usual feeling of being up after a day of being down. It's amazing how much physical discomfort we feel as a result of strong emotion. By the way, have you explored the information available on Beyond Blue? Look on the drop down list under The Facts above.

Please let us know how the GP visit goes.

Mary

Dean1 · ‎28-02-2018

Hi

I just wanted to do a little update, the GP I saw was great and it was a relief to talk to someone who seems to be on the same page as me. So we discussed a few things and he suggested that the foundations are solid.

Tomorrow I will be having a MRI and I have also had blood tests I will go back to see him next week. I am feeling a lot better in myself, I still don't really want to talk to anyone and I seem to be very comfortable with that.

Thankyou to everyone its helped me a lot.

White_Rose · ‎28-02-2018

Hello Dean

Thanks for letting us know where you are in the scheme of things. Sounds as though you are happy with this GP. Glad you are feeling better.

Had a couple of MRIs myself just lately. I hope you are not claustrophobic as the space is quite small. I just shut my eyes so I could not see how close it all was. Very noisy but I had ear plugs and headphones.

I hope all goes well. When/if you feel like writing in again I will be here.

Mary

Peppermintbach · ‎01-03-2018

Hi Dean,

Thank you for the update. It’s great to hear from you again.

I’m very pleased your appointment went well. It sounds like your GP really “got you”, which is always fantastic.

All the best with your MRI and tests today. As Mary said, there’s no pressure, but if you want to talk or vent, you always have this space 🙂

Caring thoughts,

Pepper