Understanding myself, understanding Bipolar.

[Albert11]

They say that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. What if on appearance it looks like the mentally ill person is doing the same thing for the same result but what is actually happening is that the person is trying something different and that difference is so infinitesimally small to the naked eye, it is invisible. Invisible to everyone, except the person with the illness.

The human mind is the most amazing and complex thing in the world. The whole world was essentially created from our minds and nature. We often venture down paths with our mind that take us anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes these paths are terrifying and unpredictable but never the less, we venture down them anyway. Sometimes we discover things that are 'too much' so we back out or take another direction. For people with a mental illness, these paths can lead to danger for themselves and/or others and can be tragic for the person and their loved ones.

This is certainly not an invitation for anyone to risk their lives or the lives of others. My priority, our priority has to be safety. We need to constantly evaluate what is happening and constantly work out if we have delved into a risky situation where that risk is too high. Under valuing our lives is a error that all of us make at some point in our lives. We can also not take calculated risks which can hamper our evolution as human beings. There has to be a balance.

My journey with Bipolar Effective Disorder has been fascinating and also caused considerable pain for myself and those I love. Unfortunately, I think this pain was a learning experience and most of it was unavoidable. Each time I have experienced an elevated mood or mania it has been the same but different. It is a paradoxical experience. It is like riding a bike, but an unpredictable bike that changes shape and form and at times the bike has been riding me. It is by its nature uncontrollable, In fact, the key to Bipolar and maybe even life, is knowing when to control yourself and when to let things be. To co exist with what you know and what you don't know, but accepting what you don't know. Patience is also vital.

[white knight]

Hi Albert, welcome

That is a good reflection of a big picture. I have BP2, depression, dysthymia and anxiety. I licked the anxiety though.

You are a thinker, a calculated adventurer and a philosopher. Without such qualities in humans we might not have discovered Australia nor entertained audiences nor enjoyed painting and poetry from famous people. Sadly many of those take their own lives as that "balance" of which you speak is out. For me the see-saw has emotion on one side and realism on the other. Slowly as I got older and with meds that see-saw has finally tipped towards realism with the occasional tipping back the other way for short periods. But I'm happy enough and stable mostly.

I invite you to scan our threads here at your leisure.

for example use google-

Topic: inner peace- the glory of being YOU-beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Regards Tony WK

[Albert11]

Thanks for your kind words Tony,

It is good to hear that you are happy enough and stable mostly. I think I am the same.

I will look through the threads at your suggestions. One of my failings in the past is that I think I am the only one going through Bipolar. I am but one perspective on an illness that effects so many.

This is part 2 of what I was writing. I didn't take into account the word count:

I have gone down the rabbit hole that I see as my journey to discovery an uncountable number of times. Sometimes it is very brief, for a song, or for a moment and other times I have gone down this hole until hospital and doctors have had to retrieve me. Each time I have been hospitalised I have got so close to the 'discovery' that I can taste it, smell it and feel it. Each time, I have been convinced or have convinced myself that I need to turn around, I need to be normal. I need to fit in.

I don't know what the 'discovery' is. Indeed, I don't even know what I am looking for on these journeys of discovery. What I do know is that the human experience is a shared one and an individual one. We are the same but different. We are a paradox. We will never know everything but perhaps the acceptance of that is the key to knowing more or the key to unlocking our potential.

The journey of discovery in my mind isn't that important to me anymore. It will always be important and I will always be fascinated with the power of the human mind but thinking and pondering about it, I am trying my best to put it in the past. Now is the time for me to discover life.

For me, especially now, life is worth living. I am excited that I am alive and excited about what is next. I think letting more things be and being more patient is the most important aspect of my journey. I don't have to go out there and chase all my dreams down. I just have to aim in the right direction, be goal orientated and focused and see what happens. My glass is half full but I have to be careful not to over fill it. My concerns now are focused on not what if things go wrong but when they go right, am I in the best position to look after myself and my family and to enjoy life to the full with the people that matter the most to me. I consider that a big umbrella. What's the point if everyone isn't on board for the ride. I understand that people have free will but if people want to jump on board, there has to be enough seats for everyone, no exceptions.