Sudden onset

[xsmummy]

After over 10 years of managing my depression unmedicated, this morning I woke up and out of no where it has hit me hard. Nothing in my life has changrd at all lately. All day I have struggled to fight back tears, anyone thay has talked to me I have ripped their heads off, I've hardly eaten and I honestly think my husband and kids would be better off without me. I'm really not sure what I should do to try to feel myself again. I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow afternoon to discuss getting my medication again. Has anyone else had this sort sudden onset that has jist blindsided you? How did you cope?

[Croix]

Dear XsMummy~

Welcome to the Forum. I'm sorry you have had this increase in symptoms. Managing for 10 years without resorting to medication successfully is quite an achievement - more than I have been able to do.

The trouble with depression is it narrows down your view of the world to a few horrible and seemingly unsolvable things, reduces one's feelings of self worth so that you do not think others should have to bear you, and injects hopelessness into everything.

Thoughts such as "I honestly think my husband and kids would be better off without me" are exactly the sort I've had and later on I've found, when things improved, that this was completely wrong, and they would be the first to say it simply was not true.

I think you are doing the right thing in seeing your GP quickly (book an extended consultation if you have not already ) and discuss options. Even if your mood has lightened by then it is still worth doing.

This does not just mean talk of medication but possibly therapy as well - or instead.

I know it can be very hard to put down a change to a particular experience, event or circumstances. Sometime it just seems to happen, A real worry. Even so another opinion might bring something to light.

Getting in on things early -as you are doing right now and give the best chance of getting rid of these feelings.

Trying to deal with this by yourself is very hard, one feels isolated and often hopeless. Do you have anyone at home, or elsewhere, who understands and wants to support you. Even just saying how you are to someone that cares can make a big difference.

I hope you let us know how you go

Croix

[therising]

Hi xsmummy

I'm so sorry that you're experiencing so much pain. It really does lead me to feel sorrow when I hear that heartbreaking pain in someone's words.

Something you mentioned - Nothing in my life has changed at all lately. Sometimes life can be good but then again we can suddenly be craving greater than good without necessarily realising. There can even be a sudden trigger to this way of thinking without us being fully conscious of it. It's kind of like what people experience in a so called 'Mid life crisis', when a person suddenly starts feeling a crisis of identity: 'I don't want to be this person anymore, it's not enough for me. I basically enjoy my life but I want to love it. I basically enjoy the excitement but I want to be more excited than this. I am fed up with basically living or living basically'.

Personally, I'd spent quite a number of years in depression and when finally coming out of it found myself to be pretty demanding. A lot of people around me weren't too excited about this side of me (including my husband). I know that sounds strange, as you'd think they'd be thrilled but the problem was my demands led them to have to step up. Whilst I appreciate they'd been raising me in little ways whilst I was in my depression, what I'd discovered kind of blew me away. They couldn't raise me any further because they were comfortable in life with the familiar (the routine in their lives). Must say, I felt a little disappointed in those around me but that was my challenge to deal with. People can only take you so far when you're on the rise. The rest was up to me.

Some would say 'You can't expect others to raise you' but I disagree. I believe this is what we're all here for - to raise each other. Some will at times feel more down than others. It will take so much more effort to raise them and understandably so. Some will need to be raised gently whereas others will need a motivating kick in the bottom from time to time, especially if they aren't feeling the chemistry for motivation. Basically, we raise each other out of pure love and devotion, sometimes beyond what simply suits us. Raising folk is a challenge but the ones we love deeply are worth the challenge and the changes we may have to make.

Sometimes it is not enough to be simply loved; sometimes we need to be actively loved back to life, beyond the comfort zone of those around us.

Consider setting challenges for those around you. Make demands for them to raise you. Wake them up!

🙂

[Lockout]

Hi. Yes atm I am sitting through all the symptoms that came with my initial breakdown courtesy of hereditry/developmental and traumatic events in 2013. That brought up many issues I didn't know I had, OCD in various forms was the main, where as depression and anxiety were around from birth it seems. This festive season has me under more pressure than ever due to less time with my two sons via one being older which is normal, but the younger due to ex wife behavior.

Anyway the symptoms of all mental handicaps I mentioned have come in short succession in recent days, where i find myself in hyper states of terror that will have me capitulate. What was to be a busy day getting ready to holiday is now laying low to minimize panic reaching out and balancing interaction till things improve.