Feeling constantly unfulfilled and depressed after socializing

[MysticMarine]

I don't know where to start this but I need to vent as well as ask for advice. My social life is pretty good but very spaced in meaning I have a lot of friends but I don't have a group of friends just loads of mini groups or singular friends that I hang out with a lot however I just can't ever feel fulfilled no matter how hard I try to socialize and be productive. I just feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis but at a young age? I have to think about my career path, what I'm going to do, finding more friends with my interests, going to a new school, worrying about loosing people, and just a lot on my plate. I have a lot of my own friends as well as people I don't like going to my new school next year and those people have caused me a lot of mental health issues which I worry that they will approach me however I am going to do my best to avoid them but I still have doubts. I just get so tired in social situations easily and get depressed which I fear may have a huge toll next year and I don't know what to do. There's just so much going to happen and I don't know how it will play out. The best I can hope for is a friend group who just aren't "too" much and just are more chill and fun like the ones I have now.

[Aaronsis]

Hi MysticMarine

It is great to chat to you and I am so pleased and proud of you that you have reached out and come to get some support.

Being a young adult is so hard these days and there are so many pressures, as I can hear that you are having too, and so many things to consider and think about. Can I suggest though, that you don't need to make a choice today, or even tomorrow about what the whoooolllee future lay ahead looks like for you. I am almost 45 yo and I am still making changes to my life, to my career, to my family to the way I live and the friends I have. It really is an evolution. People will come and go in your life and that is fine, some stay for a life time and some stay for a short time, it really is just life, and that is ok. Also it is not a bad idea while you are going through change and lots of things are happening that you do have lots of different friends and different people in different circles, sometimes variety really is the spice of life. However if it is a really close friend that you want perhaps you can think of who you might like to be and work on that.

I am so happy to hear that you do have friends that are chilled and fun and that you are having some great times in your life, enjoy, dont try to figure it all out today, just enjoy today with the people who are around you.

Changing schools is tricky but as you mentioned there will be new people to meet and old ones to pass by and let them move on with their life too. You mentioned that you have had some issues with mental health, just be mindful of that and go about your life, make good choices and just watch how you are feeling and what you are thinking, if it does get to a point that is worrying you, reach out get some help as early intervention and tools to manage these things are key.

I think you are stronger than you think and you are going to have a very wonderful 2020..full of all sorts of new experiences.

Chat here as much as you like MysticMarine, we are here, to support and to care for you.

Oh....and another little note..then rant over......role playing in your head rarely turns out how you played it out..and it was a whole lot of worry and overthinking for a different outcome....just a thought xx

hugs

AS

[White_Rose]

Dear MysticMarine

Hello and welcome to the forum. Looking for help and being as open as you can is great and here you will find many people who struggle like you with how to live their lives/friends/socialising etc. Take heart from this that you are not the only person wondering. For me it was a wonderful revelation to find I was not the only one with difficulties. Despite appearances others also had troubles which they hid, probably because they thought they were the only ones to feel that way.

We can become a little wary about telling others how we feel in case they put us down in some way. Here you are free to talk about any part of your life, to ask questions and talk about ways to manage. No bullies here. AS has given you a great answer so I will try not to repeat her words. However I want to say her last comment on playing scenarios in your mind is so true. We love to predict what will happen and get ourselves geared up for a fight, rejection, being thought silly or any other emotion. It rarely happens. So when/if you find yourself doing this try to find something else to do, preferably a physical activity, and focus on that.

Finding something else to do is also a good strategy when you feel a bit down. I often suggest weeding the garden. That way you get on mom's good side and can pour out your feelings into ripping out those pesky weeds.

Friends are important to all of us and we need to be with people. It's part of our make up as humans. I am still in contact with the girls I went to school with even though they live in the UK and I am in Australia. These are friendships I treasure and have lasted for more years than I care to admit. I also treasure the friendships I have made since I came to Oz. They come and go as everything does in our lives and I feel better from knowing them.

Try to keep your sense of who you are and how you want to live your life. Not in a selfish 'must have' way but in loving and caring for those who come into your life. That's a lifetime goal.

Please write in here as often as you wish. We are always here though not necessarily immediately available. Have a look round the forum and see what others write. Perhaps join in other conversations if you feel you have something to contribute.

Mary

[MysticMarine]

Thank you for the response! I guess the main issue is comparing my life to others, I see so many people that are seemingly out all the time and I feel like I'm wasting my life despite having had great experiences. I just hope to find a group at my new school who share my interests because I have yet to find a group of friends like that. Its very hard to find loyal friends. I have some really loyal ones but I just hope to have a group like that.

[quirkywords]

Hello MysticMarine,

School friends can be interesting. Unlike Mary, I found the girls I was very friendly with at school did not want to keep in touch with me, yet the girl who hardly knew me at school or spoke to me, are now friendly and keep in touch.

So be yourself , relax and listen and ask questions. Sometimes when we try to hard to make loyal friends we need to try to stop trying. You are a friendly person who is concerned about other people, believe in who you are. AS and Mary have given you wonderful support.

I wish you all the best for your new school.

Quirky