STUPID

[JRFOXIE]

I have Bipolar Disorder. In July I experienced a mixed episode. My psychiatrist admitted me to a private clinic. I swung to depression,became suicidal and attempted suicide. I was transferred to the nearest public hospital and they were concerned I had injured myself in my attempt. The public hospital told me that my examinations had come back showing no injury and they would keep me for a few days then transfer me back to the private clinic.

When the public hospital attempted to transfer me back the private clinic declined to take me back.They said they were still concerned about my suicidiality.As I didn't live in that region the hospital transferred me to my nearest hospital. As I was privately insured and beds were limited that hospital transferred me to another private hospital. There I had ECT and that psychiatrist took me off all of my medications and put me on a different antidepressant. It caused me to gain nine kilos.

I was discharged on 3/10/20. I have begun feeling paranoid that somebody is going to kill me. So I contacted the office of my own psychiatrist , at the private clinic I was originally admitted to. I was given an appointment for Monday. Then this morning my phone rang and it was the clinic informing me that my appointment was cancelled and the clinic said that I could not see my psychiatrist again.

So now I have no psychiatrist and have to try to find a new one. Meanwhile I'm feeling paranoid ,not sleeping and feeling ravenous all the time due to this antidepressant. It could take up to six weeks before I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist. I feel so stupid and angry with myself for attempting suicide.

[Sophie_M]

Hey JRFOXIE, thanks for returning to the Beyond Blue forums. We're so sorry to hear of the chaotic year you've had. We can imagine being transferred across so many hospitals would've been very stressful and demotivating. We're also sorry to hear your psychiatrist has recently terminated your therapeutic relationship. We understand this can cause a lot of disruption to mental wellbeing. Please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We'd urge you talk your experiences through with our Support Service, our mental health counsellors can offer some support, information and referrals: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport or 1300 22 4636. It's also important to remember to reach out when you're feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk it through. You're never alone. In these moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Croix]

Dear JRFOXIE~

It is a horrible thing to be shunted between one institution and the next, partly because it make you feel they think their risk is more important than you, and partly becuse each psych has their own ideas on treatment.

The treatment you are on now seems not only to have obvious disadvantages like weight gain, but also is ineffective.

May I suggest you go back to your GP straight away and start again. I'm afraid qualifications are not always enough and the psych has to do things the way you need, and you are in fact in charge. An important and comforting thing to remember. Plus on a new med regime the prescriber should always be contactable as reactions can be severe and unpredictable.

My psych fits, and has done so for many years, slowly trying meds until one worked , and administering the gentlest of therapies, which has been a great success.

It is finding the one that 'clicks' and give you confidence.

On the other problem, feeling suicidal, I'm not going to say much in this post, but would point you at the free smartphone app I have called BeyondNow

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

This you fill out in advance, to give you something wast to reach for without even thinking when overwhelmed.. Mine has everything in it from music, books, YouTube clips, comedy routines and more. I had help from my partner as I was very bad at remembering what had given me a lift.

May I ask do you have anyone to support you? I apologize if you have mentioned this elsewhere but have difficulty in finding all your old posts.

Croix

[JRFOXIE]

Thank you Croix. I went to see my GP today for a referral to a psychiatrist who treated me as an inpatient twice at another private clinic last year. My psychiatrist referred me there to have ECT as TMS failed and his clinic did not provide ECT.

I'm concerned that this new psychiatrist I've been referred to is going to refuse to take me on as a patient. My GP printed out a discharge handover from my former psychiatrist and attached it to the referral which was faxed to him. When I enquired about him taking me on the receptionist said he required a referral from my GP and a handover referral from my former psychiatrist. The handover says the clinic had a complex case review meeting and decided that I was too high risk to receive further treatment from them and I should be cared for in the public system.

Years ago I tried going under the public system here. I was under a psychiatrist at the community health centre. Unfortunately I got ten minute appointments 4-6wkly. When I contacted the liason nurse to tell her I really needed to see the Dr because I was sliding and probably needed my medication adjusted so I wouldn't end up in hospital, I was told that I couldn't have an earlier appointment and should just present to ED !

Having done that, on more than one occasion, I found myself directed to sit on a plastic chair in a corridor with a security officer. Where I sat and slept for two days with cups of water but no medication or food, until eventually a registrar assessed me. Only to be discharged home and told to see the community psychiatrist.

When I had admissions there the nurses ignored me. They only spoke to me when it was time for medications.The TV was stuck on one channel with the sound almost off. The only activity was colouring in. And the psychiatrist didn't see me for ten days despite me asking when he was going to see me. So having experienced being treated like a worthless , imposition I went back to the private system. I'm afraid I will end up being considered to be in the "too risky , too hard basket" and forced to depend on the broken public system.

[Croix]

Dear JRFOXIE~

Unless I've misunderstood our GP seems to be cooperating issuing a referral and the discharge note. It may be that will simply work, then again you might get another knockback. If so I guess you have to keep on trying, no matter how tired you are of the whole mess. If the GP is on your side that's a stat, and can adjust you meds.

If you had been talking of your local hospital and ER then no, not the way to go. Better private but further way or maybe Telehealth if you can wangle it.

The truth is a lot of ERs do not know how to handle people with mental issues. An older overweight male with chest pains -sure, no problem, plus on their system of priorities he might be more prone to pass away if there is no intervention, so off they go.

I hope you considered putting in a complaint, the hierarchy is not too keen on them and sometimes it makes things better for others (I did say sometimes) The downside of course is the stress of complaining which can be simply too much.

There are decent psychs out there , finding them is the hard bit. I was simply lucky. Not so much with psychologists but excellent psychiatrists.

If it is of any comfort you do not know you will be knocked back, it is a monster looming up that may come to nothing.

Hang in there and let me know how you are going

Croix

[TheBigBlue]

JRFOXIE,

Im so sorry you have been through this. Earlier this year I felt completely abandoned by any & all involved in mental health care. I was getting passed from psychiatrist to psychiatrist & I have never felt so alone, unwanted or uncared for.

please don’t give up. I ended up feeling suicidal too, and still couldn’t find a psychiatrist that would see me earlier than a 3 month wait. I just could not fathom that someone in my position was left to fend for themself when in such a precarious position.

But please keep trying. I went back to my GP so many times. I think she actually doubted me about the wait times & said she would call on my behalf. She got the same storey, 3mth wait. In the end she just started ringing all over Sydney on my behalf. And she found someone that angered to see me within a week. But if it wasn’t for her who knows where I would have ended up.

i know my experience wasn’t as terrible as yours, but I do know how much it can affect you & your feelings of self worth.

But you ARE important & you deserve medical care just as much as any of us. Maybe if you call or online chat with one of the various support lines they may be able to provide more advise on services you could contact?

please let us know how you are going when you feel ready.

[JRFOXIE]

I was relieved to get an SMS from the psychiatrist's receptionist this morning informing me that the Dr had accepted my referral and I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon.I believe he will prescribe a different antidepressant , antipsychotic and mood stabiliser for me after reading the discharge handover from my former psychiatrist. They are the only thing standing between me and relapse.

[Croix]

Dear JRFOXIE~

I'm immensely pleased for you that for once things are going your way. I hope there is a quick change of meds and those effects vanish

Please let us know how you get on

Croix

[Roads_End]

Reading threads here on BB I've seen alot of patients being dropped if they make an attempt. How messed up is that, we keep hearing "don't go it alone, there is help" and then when you really need help "oh sorry your too high risk" so when they tell us there is help I guess they mean as long as you are only mildly sad because your football team lost or the cricket got rained out. What is the point of reaching out for help if all that happens is your left feeling even more alone and disillusioned, It's a joke except it's far from funny. I think I read more people die from suicide than road fatalities in Australia [could be wrong] if your in a accident help is straight forward, 100 of millions of $ are spent on safety adverts, roads, cars, bike ways to lower the road toll yet people in just as much danger are made to feel like leapers when they try to get help. By the way I don't mean BB, there is always help here as far as BB can give, I mean when further help is needed