struggling to keep it together for my children

[Mitzy]

Hi, I'm 31 years old with 2 children. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety a year ago and prescribed medication, which I don't think is working because I have too many ups and downs, especially at the moment. I worry how much it is affecting my children, they have seen too many of my tears. Any other parents out there going through the same? There is so much I want to do with them but this awful illness is holding me back.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Mitzy

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

You’ve mentioned yourself and your two children – which is absolutely awesome.  But is there a partner, significant other half who is in the picture?   This is a crucial piece of information.

Because if you have, then this where you will hopefully get some respite and so your children ‘might not’ be so affected with your illness.

But back to the meds – how long have you been on them?   If you feel that they are not perhaps working, then I think it would be a very good thing to get back to your doctor to get a review of them.  It might be something to just perhaps increase the dosage?   Because if you’re handling them ok with next to no side effects, then this is an option worth checking out.  Much easier than having to go off a particular lot of tablets, slowly and carefully and then to take up with another batch.

In regard to “there’s so much I want to do with them, but the illness is holding you back”;   oh boy, I know that feeling all too well.   My kids I would imagine are slightly older than perhaps the ages of yours (16yo son and 14yo daughter) – and they both know of my illness and are really brilliant with it, and understanding.  They know that there’s certain things or places where their Dad is ok to go too and there’s places where it would freak me out, so we have kind of worked out a bit of a plan/system.    But deep down, the illness still barks at me to say that it’s winning because of the times where I know I should be trying to do something, but simply can’t.   I just push myself as much as I can – because I know that this is the one shot at all this I’m going to get – and if I don’t get in to experience different things with them now, well, that time will just march on and you don’t get it back.

I’ve written a bit here, but not sure if any of it has been useful – I do hope so, and really would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Mitzy]

Hi Neil, thank you for your reply. Yes my children are younger, 7 and 9 years old. I do have a husband whom is very supportive of my illness, but works long days. I Do find that if he is home I rely on him too much and it is just too easy to crawl back into bed.

My medication I'm on is the highest that particular one goes....i think...I also see a psychologist which I'm not sure that is working either. 

I worry myself silly about the affect on the children, but it can be so hard to hide. 

You certainly do need to push yourself every day, its a constant battle.

Thank you again for your reply

[white knight]

Hi Mitzy,

I'd return to your doctor and have a medication review. When my medication was too strong I couldnt drive a car long distance. I also tried 12 meds over 7 years to find the right one for me. This is worth the effort believe it or not

Meds also need 8 weeks or so to realise if they work or not. It takes that long.

Your doctor is your friend during these times. Like my friend Neil, hope we hear from you soon.

Tony WK

[Mitzy]

Hi Tony

Thank you for your reply. I have been on my meds for a year now, and I also had trouble driving long distances in the beginning due to tiredness. Because i never really stopped taking my medication, just a lower dose, wont the stronger dose I'm now on kick in sooner? I still see my doctor regularly, this Friday in fact. 

Mornings are the worst time for me, i feel absolutely awful when i wake up. It gets better as the day goes on but that is only if i can keep negative thoughts in my head at bay. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Mitzy

Great to hear back from you.  That’s great that you’ve got a regular doctor visit happening and hopefully you can discuss these kinds of things this coming Friday.

That’s another key issue that I definitely find is a useful thing to add to my arsenal of coping mechanisms.  “Occupation of the mind” – it’s hard, but it’s very worthwhile.  Sure there’ll be times in the day where things lighten up a bit and the dog will stretch his legs and begin to rise to give a deep throaty bark, but if we work on lessening those times, that’s the goal here.

So they’re 9 and 7 – great ages, where they’re learning new stuff every day and no doubt bringing home the dreaded “homework” – fortunately for me though, I was so crap at school, I was unable to help out my kids with their stuff – pretty much after they got out of 2nd Grade;  up till then I was kind of ok, although I did have to get my partner to look over what I had helped them with.

I’m not sure what your activity levels are, but as you may be aware, there are many coping mechanisms we need to put into place to help us fight against this illness.  Medications, counselling, psychologists, doctors, are all awesome things to have in place, but there are so many others.   Trying to be active, eating healthy, drinking adequate amounts of fluid (I mean water, tea, etc here – and NOT the nectar of the gods, otherwise known as beer).  Yes, bed time is another, but we’re talking about quality (or even adequate) amounts of sleep.   Because this can make or break your day – depending on the night that you had.

And then we get into interests, possible hobbies, sports, music, art, etc – you name it – but try to break it down into littler things, so you can potentially manage one or two;  little goals.

Another thing that helps me is “holidays”.   Now this is all dependent on the people involved, but my partner is a big one for holidays for us and the kids.   So a lot of planning goes into them, thinking, chatting, researching and then booking.   Now these are all things I find to be excellent as diversionary tactics to keep the mongrel black dog sleeping in his kennel.

I think I’m just about out of characters – would love to write more;  but in the meantime, if you feel inclined, it’d be again awesome to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil