Kiwi has moved to the Pilbara - suffering big time :(

[depressedkiwi]

Nz born female - history of depression for...wow just worked that out ...9 years now. have been medicated on and off throughout that time. I have gained an excessive amount of weight after a personal tradgedy and am now even struggling to get out of bed due to my depression. My weight is getting me down I had been doing so well as I have had a PCOS diagnosis and need to lose weight for medical reasons but now the 'black dog' is taking on my life again. Have had history of health problems eg - tonsillectomy, gallbladder removed etc...lots of time spent in hospital and a lot of ongoing medical things.

My fiancée works 4 days on 4 off but we are in a backward little town with nothing but a Woolworths. I am literally going insane. Everything else should be great as I am recently engaged, wedding to plan, not having to work (choosing to turn down work as my anxiety and depression continues to mount and I don't like confrontation. 

I miss having my family as a support network. Skype and phone call is ok but I have nothing really to say as how do you tell someone else what you are feeling when you don't even know yourself? 

Fiancee tries to understand but thinks he can fix things. I can't be 'fixed'. This is who I am. He is not doing anything wrong (except having me in this tiny remote town away from people I love) I'm making friends, good ones - but I somehow doubt any of them have or are battling the demons baying at my doorstep, 

 I could stay in bed for days. I could lay on the couch and stare at the wall. I'm not sad and crying - I am numb. And for most people the biggest misconseption is that depression is sadness. It's a whole lot more than that.

i am on a slippery slope and I need to reach out but it's difficult as my life looks 'great' so I feel selfish for feeling this way. But all I want to do is either numb my pain further or escape the numbness.

Oh God - what a terrible mess I am in. 

 R xo

[TheSteve]

Hi Kiwi,

Thanks for sharing your story, that is really brave of you and I hope you'll find here at Beyondblue some additional support, advice, and assistance in getting through this period of your life.

Clearly you are a bit homesick, and that is really tough regardless of where you are and what your situation is. It may be a cause or a symptom, or both. I can empathize through prior personal experience. A few things that are really important for someone in your situation:

- Build your support network. That means a group of friends, a doctor, a counselor, an online community, regular family contact, and so on. Make sure this group is rock solid and can help you with whatever it is you may be encountering at any point in time.

- Visit home on a regular basis. Try to have a ticket booked, and a date fixed, so you'll have something to look forward to. Whether it is once a month or once a quarter, you should do this to give yourself some routine, a sense of comfort that you'll see your family and often, and it will take your mind off some of the homesickness you are experiencing by giving you things to look forward to (this, in itself, will brighten your days)

- Don't make any big life decisions right now. It is great you are engaged and will be married at some point, but hold on the wedding and the kids until you are in a better place. Do not put added pressure on yourself.

- Give your current situation a chance, and also give it a timeline. Understand that all situations are temporary and you don't have to live here forever. But while you are where you are, enjoy it. You may recognize this, but I used to deliberately try to hate the place I was in, so I could make myself so sad, in order to get back home! Crazy, but the mind works in mysterious ways. Recognize if you are doing this, and speak with a counselor. This will be quite helpful.

- Talk to your fiance about it. Don't be shut off or closed out, communicate all the time.

- Invite family to visit and stay with you.

- Do fun things, take little adventures, try to enjoy your time in the bush.

- Understand that you can tailor your mind to your environment. Humans are very flexible creatures, we can learn to love and hate anything and everything if we try hard enough!

If you want to chat more about this, feel free to post me. I'll help as much as I can, I've been where you are. All the best Kiwi.

Steve

[depressedkiwi]

Hi Steve

Thank you for your prompt response. I had not even considered the effect that my homesickness is probably having on my depression. The airfares from where I am back home are a little pricey but I will just have to factor that into my budget - for the sake of my mental health otherwise it will only continue to decline.

I am going to make use of your advice and try and implement things into my daily life to really get me on track. Otherwise I will simply let it be and it will continue to get worse.

What are some good conversation starters for my conservation with my fiancée? I'm nervous about this the most and how he will feel! 

R xo

[TheSteve]

Good to hear from you Kiwi. I'm glad you found some of the advice useful.

That is a very good question, and a move that requires some tact on your behalf. I think the important thing to convey to your fiance is that by your actions and your deeds, you have shown him great support and commitment by moving to a foreign place, supporting his work, and working with him to build a foundation to what will be a family someday. It is a tough economy, and you have given him real support, and your family a chance to build a financial foundation, by making this move with him. Clearly, your actions show unconditional support.

In turn, it is important to convey that you are having some troubles adjusting, but are willing to stick it out. To do this, you have given it serious thought and need to modify some things in your life mid-term to make the transition easier, less stressful, less impactful (by this I mean that moving a long way from home really is a huge step, and it hits you all at once - it is important to try to make the process gradual, thus why you need to spend time with your family and back home in the process), and so forth.Him being at work all day at least gives him an outlet and something to occupy his mind with. You need the same release, and you need to convey to him what this is you feel you need.

With mutual unconditional support, you will have a very successful relationship. It is crucial, however, that it is mutual. One way support will not work, and will lead to a bad place. Your actions show that you are up for this, and he will need to show you the same by letting you carve out a pathway to adjust to your current life, in a way that makes you comfortable and happy. If you need to spend a little $ on airfares here and there, so be it. There are other areas to cut back in life if you need to, that are less important than your wellbeing.

Let me know if you want to talk about it more prior to speaking with him.

Steve

[Cymru]

I hear you. I work in Port Hedland for a year. I crave getting back home.But there are some great folk about. I'm not sure what town you're in, but get to the local lotteries house and find out about things that are on, folk to met. If you're in Hedland The Turtle Club and 3G Church are a good start. Folk are friendly ... well, sometimes. Almost everyone is transient like you. But you have to get out and do stuff ... no one comes to you. If not, it is not a place to be. You'll have to consider going home. 

[TheSteve]

Great ideas Cymru. It is the little things that count, and being pro-active about them.

[depressedkiwi]

Hi guys

Thank you so much for your replies. I have read them both and agree with the points you have both raised. I find it's easier when I am working and getting out of the house - when I'm stuck inside I tend to go stir crazy! I am hoping to book a trip back home soon and I just have to accept that I will need to go more often to see my family. 

I went to see a fifo gp the other day and he said there are not a lot of services in the pilbara especially rural communities such as ours. Closest would be PH I guess or maybe get referrals down to perth. It's a shame because I'm sure lots of people have the issues I'm facing in this town! 

 R x

[TheSteve]

Glad to hear you are coming along Kiwi. You are correct, until you grab control of your mind like a Buddhist monk, then it is important to keep it stimulated with outside activity. Keep some good books lying around the house, for those times you are at home. Some excellent reading I would suggest is "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Give this one a shot.

All the best.

Steve

[liveinlight]

Kia kaha kiwi! Stay strong much love to u from one kiwi to another 🙂