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Struggling day by day.
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Hi guys, I'm new here.
I am a 16 year old girl who is currently in year 11 VCE (almost a year 12 student when I finish my exams.. Joy.), and ever since I have started VCE I have never been this unhappy my whole life. I'm always crying, even over the littlest things. Although I'm passing every subject, I've been a little behind due to me always being unhappy. My friend thinks I have depression because I told her I wanted to end it all and that I honestly think I have no reason to live. I'm honestly struggling day by day trying to pretend to be happy in front of everyone. I pretend to be happy in front of everyone because simply, they would not understand what I'm going through, how I feel and what I have been through (I was bullied my entire primary school years...). Whenever I try to voice out my opinion, nobody listens. I avoid social situations/making new friends because I'm very shy and I'm not able to keep the conversations up so I just put a bad impression of myself to them. Everyday I wonder why I even bother getting out of bed in the morning when all I do is just go on my laptop.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere, no matter how hard I try to change myself and no matter how much I try to impress everybody. I feel hopeless and I feel useless. I just feel the need to vent out my feelings on here because I'm tired of holding all these feelings bottled up inside me.
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dear Kay, welcome aboard.
Your friend is right you do have depression and it's not uncommon for adolescents going through school or actually having finished their school years to become depressed.
It's a whole new world that you entering into, and really a big jump from studying to going into the work force, if there is a position available.
By voicing your opinion and then no one pays any attention only increases your depression, and then in turn makes you want to be alone.
With this illness it destroys all our self esteem, our belonging to be with anyone, which then makes us just want to sleep all day, because that way we are avoiding society, plus any friends we once had, and then it all means that we don't have to make any decisions, except for sleeping.
There are a couple of places for people your age to contact and they help you get through this terrible low in your life, and they are Reachout.com, or Headspace.com or the other alternative is to go and visit your doctor who will get the ball rolling for you.
It's important that you do seek help from one of these places, or you could try all of them and then decide which one suits you the best.
Unfortunately depression can be a long illness, but maybe you might be one of the lucky ones where you can be helped quickly.
There are plenty of other people who can also help you on this site, so please stay with us and get back to us. Take care. Geoff. x
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Hi kayyha,
It sounds like you’re really struggling and I feel for you. I can also relate to what you’re experiencing having been there myself (on too many occasions). I tend to agree with you in that many people just cannot understand or appreciate what you’re experiencing. This leaves you operating in a vacuum. Can I suggest as a starting point you give yourself some slack and just be yourself rather than exhaust yourself trying to impress everybody or keeping the conversation up. I think you’ve shown good maturity in putting this post up. Now, can I suggest you take the next step? This might be meeting with the school counsellor, teacher or sports coach; depending on the relationship you have. It could be getting along to your GP. These people I think should be relatively easy to contact and all would have had some training in helping with what you’re experiencing. Please don’t continue “holding all these feelings bottled up inside…. “ I wish you well.
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Hello Geoff,
I, myself, think I have depression (not only about school and myself, but also family experiences ((financial issues a few years back)) that left me even more upset).
Yes, it is important to seek help as soon as possible and when my holidays start (2 weeks after this week) I'm going to try to go to see my local GP to see what is going on with me or as you have said, go to headspace even though I do not feel comfortable opening up my problems as i bravely did on BeyondBlue. And I hope this feeling won't last too long.
Thank you Geoff for this advice, it is great to have wonderful people on this site that supports everyone!
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Hi Colin,
yes, many people tend to feel very isolated when no body pays attention to them and that they cannot voice out their opinions or express their feelings to somebody. It breaks my heart seeing someone like me go through this everyday.
And maybe your suggestion is a good option, that I should give myself some slack and just be myself for once. But it is very hard when people make fun of you for simply being yourself 😕 But I will take up your suggestion and try to be myself. And maybe on the holidays I should just relax a little and do activities (such as drawing, running, reading, etc..) that will help me forget about these problems for awhile.
Throughout my high school years right up till now, I've been to several different school counselors and it seems to never work out as I don't open up my problems as I did on here but I will certainly go to my local GP to see what is going on with me and refer me to someone more helpful and get professional help.
I will try not to continue holding back my feelings as it is very unhealthy for not only me, but to everyone too.
Thank you Colin, your advice had been very helpful and I will certainly try my best to get better!
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dear Kay, you are no different to others as it's always difficult telling the professionals on how you feel, but as time progresses you will feel much more comfortable, once you have established a repoire with these people.
If you have a printer then print these comments and give them to your doctor, underlining the important parts, otherwise try and write them down or just write the important parts.
This makes your job much easier, and then the doc or someone from Headspace will then interpret on how you feel.
The idea of seeing a school counsellor does have it's drawbacks, and I am talking about myself many years ago, as I found that they were doing this role as an experience before they faced the real community, meaning that they were just juniors in this complicated field.
OK they are people to talk to and you can bounce off any thoughts with them, but you need a more thorough discussion with someone who is qualified in this area. Geoff. x